Page 2 of Drowning in Sins
I sat here in the sundress my mother picked out for me, hair in a single braid down my back, fresh-faced, and my Bible open to a random page. It was all she required of me, so it was all she would get. Four more years and then I would be in charge of my life.
I had a natural curiosity for the unknown and unexplored. Once I was able to live my life for me and not her, things would be better. For now, I kept my thoughts and small choices close and quiet. I was young but not an idiot.
Knowledge was free if you knew where to look, and it was the one thing everyone could gain more of. My mother treated my love for school like an act of rebellion. I don’t know why she didn’t understand that the world was much bigger and older outside the parish.
Grams understood. It’s probably where my curiosity came from. It’s also most likely why the pair of them didn’t get along. That, and because mom said our family was cursed. Grams said it was because my mother was closed-minded. Maybe there was some truth to everyone’s side.
If the curse was real, I didn’t think it was something I could understand until I was older and experienced it. Until then, I’d play the cards I was dealt and bide my time.
Chapter Two
ROSALYN
Present Day
Memories of being surroundedby a sea of black as the organ played clouded my vision, while reality tumbled around me like an earthquake. I sat up straight in one of the chairs overcompensating in comfort for those unlucky enough to sit upon them. My mother’s fury radiated off her in the seat next to me as the man in front of us read off my grandmother’s will.
“Impossible!” she cried out, her hands slamming down on the lacquered wood desk between us and the man. Her eyes turned to me, threatening to burn holes through mine.
I learned to avoid her eyes a long time ago, always looking for something to blame. Brother Jonah attempted to comfort her, but even he wasn’t immune to her hatred.
My grams told me years ago what she already set into motion. I wasn’t allowed to question it then, and I’d be damned to question it when the dirt was still fresh. Not that she was underground—not even her physical body could be contained. It was all a show, a box in the ground while her ashes wouldbe tossed into the sea and wind. It had been like that for every woman in my family for generations.
Though I doubted my mother would want the same for herself.
Grams wasn’t “as sweet as honey” as many grandmothers in the south were. She had a dirty sense of humor and was fast to call someone out on their bullshit. She was also the first person to give someone a second chance or make room at her table.
No, it was like she knew her death date but didn’t care to share it with the rest of us. Everything happened slowly over the years—money moved around, accounts taken care of. It happened in a way that not even my mother knew what was happening. Until all that was left was a mostly empty bank account, which held the funds to cover her funeral expenses and a year of bills on the house she would leave to her Sisterhood of the Black Lotus.
That group of women were the closest people to her. It was their duty to keep history alive and truthful. To separate fact from fiction. They also had an unofficial book club that met once a month. I walked into Grams’s one time to hear one of them discussing a very dirty scene from a book. Needless to say, their day and night activities didn’t always match up, but who was I to judge?
The rest of the money had been moved to an account that became available to me alone at the time of her death. An account she put my name on the day after I was born. One that was so hidden even the man across the desk wasn’t allowed to mention it if he knew about it.
“I told you she didn’t love you,” Mother spit out in my direction.
I thanked the man across from me before signing my name on the line above my printed legal name. I’d seen the will for myself a long time ago, but we all had a part to play. I didn’tbother telling Mother nor Brother Jonah goodbye. She’d no doubt be continuing her fit for a while until she agreed to leave in peace or would be removed by force.
The hotel around the corner was paid until the end of the month, thanks to Grams. I’d been mailed the key to the room the day before the funeral, one I refused to use until this point. A room hidden away from everyone. Inside, I knew her box of ashes would be waiting and, no doubt, a letter reminding me to spread them at my first opportunity. It never occurred to me to question who she had to help her arrange this after the fact. Probably one of her friends from the Sisterhood of the Black Lotus. It was simply another mystery of Grams.
I carefully opened the door, half-expecting her to jump out to surprise me. As if this could be an elaborate prank. The room was still and silent. At the end of the bed sat a weekender bag, a sealed envelope resting on top of it. I carefully slipped it into my purse, promising to read it later, before I unzipped the bag.
The lingering smell of her perfume greeted me from inside. Most likely coming from her favorite teal scarf that was wrapped around her box of remains. The tears threatened to come.
“Don’t cry for me now, Ros. My body is done, my heart remains with you, and my soul is where it belongs.”
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. The last phone conversation I had with her two weeks ago replayed in my head.
“Everything is playing out how it was meant to. It’s all bigger than us, dear. Remember that fate has a plan, but you have a choice.”
Not wanting to waste any time, I zipped it back up, slipped the strap on my shoulder, and left. I didn’t have any connections to the room or even this place. The small town nearby held precious memories with her in her home, but it wasn’t up to me to decide its fate. I didn’t have plans to revisit. Nothing was keeping me here.
I moved on autopilot the rest of the day. The doorman hailed a taxi. I kept the bag tucked close to my side. There was no traffic, and I breezed through airport security. It was as if time and the world around me blurred by, and I was across the country in my small apartment I shared with three other roommates in minutes.
Grams may have left me some money, but I don’t want to use it. Even the money she gifted me over the last couple of years remained in my savings untouched. I refused to taint her memory with the selfishness and greed that came from that amount of money.
All it would’ve done was turn me into my mother, and I could’ve never allowed that to happen. It was why I had the same three roommates since sophomore year of college in a tiny apartment above a restaurant.
I studied hard to get the scholarships I could. Both part-time and seasonal jobs took up my free time between studies and semesters. It had been a long seven years, but it’d been worth it. It had only been a few months since my graduation, which only Grams came to, but I’d finally been hired as part of a research team.
