Page 21 of Drowning in Sins
ROSALYN
Irealized my mistake the moment his gaze held mine. The way his eyes could see right through me and into the depths of my secrets. My stomach dropped, and the air evaporated from my lungs as I held my breath. I prayed to whatever gods who might exist to keep my face from falling until I turned my attention back to Kai.
All seemed fine.
Had he not seen the way his brother looked at me? The way I looked at him? Part of me felt guilty—there was something about the both of them. I craved their attention. Was it wrong of me? If a guy could go after more than one girl, why couldn’t I have thoughts for the two of them?
It was easier when they weren’t both around. I could so easily focus on one, the other in the back of my head like a fond memory kept on a pedestal. It was when they were both around that it messed with my head. Pulling me in two separate directions.
Would it be easier after this trip was over? It wasn’t like my life could keep me here. Realistically, I knew there wasn’t a future with either of them. Not when I was torn between thepair. This could be nothing more than a wild vacation to look back on when I was bored and alone.
That was the reality. My future was meant to be spent alone. I’d seen the truth of my mother and Grams’s relationships. It was the curse of our family. Romantic relationships weren’t meant to last. We didn’t deserve it. So, I’d live selfishly for now. It was all I could do, when I knew I was meant to die waiting for something that wouldn’t happen. Alone.
Chapter Twenty
KAI
When I was little, my parents thought it would be a good idea to do a huge family vacation. They said it was going to be a bonding experience, a way for us all to grow closer. Our family dynamic wasn’t normal, so it made sense at the time. We went north to see snow for a long weekend. There was ice fishing, skiing, and we stayed in a cabin in the middle of nowhere.
Not far from the house was a small pond that had iced over. Frederick and I dared one another to walk out to the middle of it. I, being the older brother, wanted to prove a point.
I’d gotten all the way to the middle and spun around to show him how thick the ice was. I went as far as jumping up and down to get him to come out there with me. It was fine, at first.
Until we rough-housed like brothers do, bonding like our mother wanted us to. Only, the ground beneath us wasn’t as steady as I thought. The ice cracked beneath my feet, and my only instinct was to run, pulling him right along with me.
Being the older brother, I knew if anything happened, I would be the one blamed. So when the ice broke around us andflipped, I twisted to make sure I was the one to fall in. Not Frederick.
It wasn’t the cold that had me gasping for air as my lower half slipped in. It was the burn that spread through my lungs as Frederick did his best to pull me up. The fear that he wouldn’t be strong enough, or worse, I’d pull him under with me. I might as well have swallowed the cold air the way my insides felt freezer-burned.
That same icy feeling took over now, crashing my reality and revealing the complications. I wasn’t an idiot. I could see the way my brother looked at Rosalyn. With want, desire, and a fascination that couldn’t be described. I knew the feeling all too well.
It was the way she looked at him that rubbed me the wrong way. Because it was the same fucking way she looked at me. Rosalyn thought nobody was paying attention to her. She was wrong. If she thought she could get by in the shadows, all it did was lure out the predator in me.
Images of her bound beneath me as she gagged on my cock flooded me. I wanted to wrap her soft hair around my hand as she choked on me. It was all too easy to imagine the tears running down her face.
I shook my head at the vision. It was in a dark corner of my mind that I kept those desires, away from reality. Rosalyn was trouble, one I wanted all too much. In just a few short weeks, she had me hungering for control over her.
Knowing our time together was limited because of the research team, I was going to have to act fast. Whatever it took to remind her I was there. Enough time to make her crave me like I craved her.
Frederick cleared his throat as he entered the bridge. As if I hadn’t noticed him approaching. I’d been paying attention to the deck below, where the research team was getting ready for a divewhen he walked across it and held her gaze. The looks they’d given one another made my skin crawl. They thought nobody was paying attention.
I always was, even when it didn’t seem like it.
For my mother, I wouldn’t act on it now. Part of me knew I owed him for me keeping it all in when we were kids. He told the stories, and I was the asshole who brushed it off as if I hadn’t seen anything.
I saw everything.
“Hey.” The smile grew on my face. It wasn’t as forced as I thought it would be. He was my brother, and I would love to one day move past what happened and act like the siblings we once were when Mom was still alive.
“This is weird, but I don’t want it to be.” Frederick rubbed at the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact. “When your dad reached out, I thought it was a joke at first.” He swallowed.
“It was a surprise to me too.” Seeing him back on the boat was the last thing I expected. “I’m glad you’re here though.”
It was the truth. I was happy to have my brother around, because it’s what Mom would have wanted. She always wanted us to be close, so it made sense that my dad found a way to help encourage it.
We hadn’t been close since the accident, and I knew a lot of that was my fault. If he was expecting me to admit what happened, he’d be disappointed. He may have been telling the truth, but how would that make me look?
My life was the sea and theMaribeth. If I started telling those stories, nobody would take me seriously. My career on this boat would be over, because they’d all think I was crazy. Nobody wanted to work with someone who thought the monsters of the depths were real.
