Page 4 of Unmasking Secrets
“It’s different, I guess.” She shakes her head. “I mean, I know some of what the club gets into.” She shakes her head. “I worried while you were enlisted too. Both of our moms kept me in the loop the whole time.”
It feels good knowing that, even after all this time, she cares like I do. We may not be as close, but knowing she thinks of me, it feels good.
“You look good.” I blurt out.
Her blue eyes widen, and a blush covers her cheeks. It spreads across her face and neck. “Thanks. So do you.” She shakes her head with a nervous laugh. “I missed you.” She admits and peers up at me through dark lashes.
We make our way over to a couple of lawn chairs near the edge of the yard. It’s not like we have all the time in the world to catch up, but I’ll take every second with her I can get.
It’s mostly small talk; she tells me about being a cosplayer. Tabitha was always a little bit of a nerd; it’s one of the things I loved about her. She was never afraid to be herself, even if it was different from the other kids at school.
I think I’m mostly surprised to hear she isn’t a mom. It was one of her biggest dreams growing up. Not that I feel right bringing it up. For all I know, they’re having trouble getting pregnant. It also doesn’t feel like my business.
I do my best to keep a smile on my face as we continue the small talk. It feels good to be here with her. Tabitha had been my best friend growing up, and it didn’t hit me until now just how much I missed her over the years.
Then other thoughts come to mind. Regret hits me instantly, a feeling I hate and am all too familiar with at the same time. It’s my fault. She’s not mine—she never was. It’s too late.
“I’m going to go and say a few more hellos. It was really good to see you, though.” I stand up from the chair.
“Yeah.” She nods. “You too.” Her smile slips slightly.
I shove my hand in my pocket and fidget with my keychain. Is it weird that a keychain grounds me? Probably—but I’ve been doing it since I was a teen. It’s simple and I don’t need to look at it to notice how it’s aged and frayed over the years. The white ribbon now more cream colored. The embroidered letters and heart can be felt as my thumb runs over the ribbon.
I need to walk away before I say something stupid. The idea of flirting with her and pushing her buttons would be too easy. I did it a few times when we were younger, but she never picked up on it. I shake my head and move to find someone else to talk to.
CHAPTER THREE
TABITHA
The ring light is blinding as I step closer to stop the recording on my camera. I twist the dimmer until the light clicks off, then grab my camera from the mount. My fingers move on autopilot across the screen, sending the footage via Bluetooth to my computer to back it up. It’s muscle memory at this point.
My phone buzzes nearby with more notifications, but I ignore them and walk across the room to my vanity. I carefully remove the wig and drape it across one of the foam heads so I can properly store it later. The fake lashes come off next. With small steps I take every time I’m filming to transform into one of the characters I portray online. A few are original; most are from fandoms I’ve been a part of for a while. After taking the rest of my makeup off and hanging the costume up on the rack next to the others, I close the door and walk down to my bedroom.
I love dressing up and becoming a character I admire from comics, shows, and games. What started as a fun way to dress up and escape reality became something greater. It’s a solitary career—most of the time. Sure, I’ve collaborated with someamazing people over the last few months and gotten to take a few incredible trips, but something is still missing. I don’t know if it’s a piece of myself or what.
I never thought I’d be without a family in my thirties. Yet, here I am, thirty-two years old and a divorce that is still fresh. The ink is probably still drying from when we finally settled last week.
No kids, even though I’ve always wanted them. There is no way I could bring one into this world. Not with him. Now, I just feel lonely. I considered moving closer to family—back home. I’m not ready for that either. It’s easier to hide on the days when I’m feeling low if I don’t have to surround myself with others, especially those I know care.
My career is the only thing I can truly immerse myself in. It allows me to pretend and ignore reality. It’s the escape I need. It was the escape I needed during the marriage.
If I hadn’t been busy making content or brainstorming ideas for it, I don’t know what would’ve happen. Probably spiral, if I’m honest with myself.
It’s easier to stay upbeat and pretend everything is good if I stay busy. So, I did—I do.
The signs were there from the beginning, but I ignored them. When I think back on it, even a few close friends seemed to think the match wasdifferent. But I ignored them. I didn’t want to see what they were seeing. I wanted to be loved and cherished, and unfortunately, he was good at faking it too. I believed the lies. I should’ve known it was too good to be true.
Maybe I was destined to be a cat lady, and not in a good way like Catwoman.
The divorce should’ve been wrapped up within weeks, days even. It took months. The selfish, entitled asshole drug it out as long as he could. He spewed false promises at first, as if he would change. Then he got smart about it, unfortunately for me. He wanted everything I’d worked for. I considered giving it up, even threatened to, but he called my bluff. I love the community I found online, and he knew it.
Ryan was always traveling for work. It felt like he was away more than he was home until I started getting invited on trips for brand deals. That’s when it mattered. Appearances mattered to him and his family. As soon as I got invited to my first red carpet moment, he especially cared.
I shake my head, and my shoulders drop with relief. I can finally put it all in the past. It took more than necessary to get out of it. I’d be scraping by for a while longer, but I was finally free. It wasn’t until the club came through with something that he backed off. I’m not sure what information they found. I can’t bring myself to care either. I just want to leave that chapter in the past.
A crash sounds from the other side of the house, and I freeze. I swallow and try to think of something, anything, that would make that noise. Maybe I didn’t put something up right. I don’t have any pets.
Chills run down my spine, and the hair on the back of my neck lifts. I cover my mouth and nose in an attempt to quiet my breathing before creeping out of my room and back towards the office. Both my phone and the panic button are in there, not doing me any good right now.
