Page 15 of Confessions of a Middle Aged Dragon Queen
Instead, that wonderful, good-looking man who was made just for me, laughed out loud and declared, "If I didn't already know you were my Mate, I'd be promising the Goddess herself my left nut to have you forever, Martha Dellencourt.” Giving me a wink that made my heart skip a beat, he added, “And before you ask, the 911 operator gave me your name.”
“Woohoo, Hell ye…” Was as far as I got before Maeve growled, “While I love a great meet-cute, you know it’s my favorite part of every rom com/chick flick I’ve ever watched…”
I did not know that. Hell, I didn’t even know Maeve watched rom coms. We had known each other all of her life, and I didn’t even know she had watched any movie at all since we forced her to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 1974, and she had nightmares until 1978.
How about that? You do learn something every day. Of course, Maeve was still taking as I once again took a mental holiday. So, I immediately tuned back in to be sure she wasn’t telling my gorgeous Fae King any embarrassing stories.
“…and yes, I’ve watched a blue fuckin’ million of ‘em. I do have a life. And before you ask, yes, I read your mind. Get over it. This is seriously not the time for you to have any type of foreplay. For the love of all that’s holy, you’ve waited five-hundred-and-sixty-seven years, what’s a little while longer gonna hurt?"
Pausing, her lips curled inward, her jaw clenched tight, and her tongue stuck out the side of her mouth as she gripped the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles turned a bright snow white, she jerked the wheel to the left, then to the right while speeding up instead of slowing down, and her baby– her car– Quick Silver Suzie took a right onto Crooked Cactus Lane on two wheels.
Tires squealing as she whipped us to the left to avoid running over a gaggle of Goslings being led back to the Dragoon Bootay Elementary School from the pond in the center of Under the Rainbow Park, my lovely, usually incredibly careful and overly cautious sister, drove up on the sidewalk. Then, in another utterly uncharacteristic move, she screamed towards the startled teacher, "Sorry about that— life or death emergency. I promise to buy a thousand raffle tickets at the carnival next week. Send the invoice to my office, tell Patty to write you a check!"
While the sentiment was sweet, I am quite sure Rhonda Rabinowitz – our resident Black-Tailed Jack Rabbit Shifter and Head Teacher at the Dragoon Bootay Elementary School– cursed in Swedish, calling Maeve everything but a brunette Dragon Queen. Which she was. A brunette Dragon Queen, I mean. The other part, well, I didn’t speak Swedish, and in that moment, it was a really good thing.
“Slow the hell down,” I screeched, still wound up tight in the seatbelt, actually more so than before because I’d done another quarter turn and was now looking at the side of my middle sister’s face. “Where’s the fire? What’s the emergency? Where are we going? Why are you driving like a bat outta Hell? I didn’t even know you knew how to drive over 25 mph!”
Never letting go of the steering wheel, pointing with both her index fingers while making a left turn that I knew with all certainty not even Evel Knievel would've attempted, she roared, "We are headed to the Wikiwatchee watering Hole. Why the hell else would I be on Driving to Wikiwatchee Watering Hole Way?"
“I have no friggin' clue!" I yelled right back. "But I'm pretty sure you're gonna kill me before I even get to properly meet my Mate.”
“I’m not gonna kill you,” she scoffed. “You know I taught Mario Andretti how to drive.” Taking the curves and swerves of the oldest road in Dragoon Bootay like Quick Silver Suzie was on rails, Maeve switched from condescension to snarling and snapping. "I haven't wrecked a car, a truck, or even fallen off my five-inch stilettos in at least three hundred years. Just shut it and hang on.”
Typically, I would've told Maeve to kiss my ass, or at the very least, metaphorically slapped her with a double, heaping helping of shit and sass for telling me to shut up. But as I opened my mouth, Aideen's voice came out instead of mine, and that was when I wanted to crawl under the seat and die quietly of complete and total humiliation. "What the fuck is goin' on, Maeve? I love a ride in the country just as much as the next Dragon Queen, but there's a hot Fae King in the backseat that needs Martha's immediate attention. I tried to reach my sister. You remember her, right? She’s the Dragon Queen with whom you share your soul, but she isn’t talking-and that means there’s something up, and you don’t want her to spill the beans before you have a chance to figure out how to say whatever it is that you have to say. So, either tell us who's in trouble or pull this car over and let us out. It's been decades since our girl has had sex, and she needs this. I mean, really needs this. Ya’ feel me?”
Ignoring the manly snort and deep, rumbling chuckle from the backseat, I got as far as, “Maeve, you know that wasn’t…”
When, not missing a beat or the turn off to West WatchinWiki Lane, my middle sister snapped right back, "Stay where you belong, Aideen. I've got no time for your bullshit. Maisie’s in trouble, and I need Martha."
“The fuck you say?” My Dragon Queen and I shouted in unison. Then I kept right on going as I was known to do, “Why didn’t you tell us sooner? Why weren’t those the first words outta your mouth? Put the pedal to the metal. Drive faster! Hurry the hell up!”
"What the frig does it look like I'm doing? And who the fuck did you think I was talking about when I said it was a matter of life and death? Petunia and Petal, my Siamese Cats? Yes, I love them like they were my kids, but get with the program, Martha. I have only ever gotten this upset when one of you was in trouble. Come on! Use your brain!"
She had a point. I had been kind of distracted. Rightfully so, but still. Opening my mouth to apologize, I instead gasped and spun back around towards the back of the car as a large, warm hand touched my shoulder and a current of electricity strong enough to light up DFW Airport during a zombie attack shot through my chest, down my ribs, and straight into my Quad-Shot Macchiato. (If you’ve forgotten what part of my anatomy to which I am referring, then you'd better start over.)
Instantly more turned on than I’d ever been in my whole life, unable to control the scent of warm cinnamon, black pepper, and geraniums emanating from every cell of my body, my eyes flew to Kai’s. Swirling like the waves of the ocean, what had been a light crystal blue turned dark as the Black Sea as the answering aroma of lightning, musky patchouli, and the finest leather with sweet undertones of balsamic incense washed over me. Kai Rí, the only man who'd ever made me think of forever, had depth. He had layers - lots and lots of sexy, irresistible layers. Dadgummit, I wanted an up-close and personal look at each and every one of them over and over and over again.
Up on my knees, the only thing keeping me from jumping over the headrest was the damned seatbelt wrapped so tightly around my back and waist that I was losing feeling in my lower extremities. It was frustrating, to say the least, and just another example of Fate always having a plan that saved me from myself.
Aideen's talons pushed through the tips of my fingers as she growled, "Rip that shit off and hop over that seat. Hell, I'll buy Maeve a whole new car. Just get back there and get that man, Martha. Go. Get. That. Fae. King."
But I couldn't do that to Maeve. I wanted to - really, really, really wanted to. But I couldn’t. She loved her car as much as I loved my boys and coffee. It was a bond I understood. Besides, Maeve had put up with a lot over the years. Like I said, she was sandwiched between the cuckoo for cocoa puffs older sister and the batshit crazy baby sister, and there was nothing in this world– even a chance to kiss the stuffin’ out of my Mate for the first time– that could make me do anything to hurt her or Quick Silver Suzie.
That didn’t mean I didn’t think about it, and for longer than I should have. However, in the end, reason and love for my sister won out as I forced Aideen’s claws back where they came from with a stern, “Stop that shit. We’ve got bigger fish to fry.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna fry your ass, Martha Mary Margaret Dellencourt. Just you mark my words, the first chance I get, you’re gonna be black as burnt toast, and I'm gonna call you Catfish for the foreseeable future. Ya’ get me, Sweetpea? Ya’ hear me, Girl?”
Ignoring my sassy and seriously pissed off alter-ego, I fell deeper into Kai’s gaze. I was floating on a cloud of lust and what was quickly becoming that unexplainable and instant love that can only happen between true Fated Mates when my Fae King snapped the fingers of his free hand as he gently squeezed my shoulder with the other.
"You okay, Martha? You still in there? Don't leave me now. I know you've had a rough day, but I'm talking to the guys…" He tapped his temple. "…and need to tell them where we're headed and who the hell we need to save."
(How cute was my man? I mean, really. He’d known me for less than an hour and was already tryin' to take care of me and my sisters. He was a keeper. No doubt about it.)
Shaking my head, trying to snap out of my wonderful but naughty thoughts, I was a half-second too late. Hadn’t even taken a breath when Maeve rambled off, “We’re headed to the old Hampshire Homestead in Crone’s Corner. It sits off the penis-shaped pool of light blue-green water known as Crocodile’s Cock, on the farthest side of Wikiwatchee Watering Hole. They’ll know it by the overgrown Mesquite trees and the huge murder of overgrown Crow Shifters that think they own the place.”
Hitting Dead Man’s Hump, a two-foot bump in the road that no one – Magical or human – could get rid of and most thought really did have the bodies of several old men buried somewhere in it, going nearly a hundred and twenty miles an hour, Maeve kept right on talking like we weren’t airborne. “But your guys, Fae, Fairy Bros, whatever y’all call each other, aren’t gonna be in time. Not even if they flap those gorgeous wings double time and head straight as the Crow flies– pun intended.”
Gripping the headrest and holding my breath, I refused to throw up as my stomach stayed in the air while the rest of me– along with the car and everyone else– came down with a bone-jarring, stomach-turning thud. Not the slightest bit fazed that her beloved convertible just bottomed out on the roughest road in the southern part of the northern hemisphere, Maeve shouted, "Those fuckin' Wyvern assholes will have Maisie and our sweet nieces chopped into little pieces and spread all over Wikiwatchee Watering Hole before your boys even get their Shimmer on. The last thing she said before her phone went dead was that they could kill her if they wanted, but there was no way in Hell she was luring her sister to be burned at the stake." Eyes sliding to the side, she speared me with an all-too-knowing glance before looking right back at the road. "Or maybe she said, ‘burned like a steak’. I’m not sure. But that’s not important. You know how stubborn she can be. You know as well as I do that she’d die before getting either one of us hurt.” There was the slightest pause before the pupils of her dark brown eyes flashed the elliptical shape of her Dragon Queen, and she asked, “So, anything you want to tell me about a Wyvern who has amassed a gang of asshole worshippers who think he’s gonna give them the power to be scaly and stupid and thinks he needs you to do it?”
