Page 63 of Rules of Engagement
More silence. He raked his hands through his hair and pulled, hard. "You want the dirty details? Let's do this. My first marriage was when I was eighteen, dumb, and drunk. It was spring break, and I woke up married to a stranger. Thirty days later, it was dissolved by her lawyer daddy and a judge friend. It never should've happened and I'm embarrassed that it did, but I can't change it. As to Piper's mom… you know that one. She left, I didn't."
Eliza turned, arms hugging her front. Her expression killing him because of the pain he'd put there. "Eliza, say something."
"I'm… I don't know what to say. If you'd just been honest with me from the beginning…"
"Yeah? And then what? Now's when you have to be honest and own up to the fact if I'd done that, you would've shut me down and judged me, even more than you already did when you first saw me. My past is rough and I did far more stupid things than smart in those early years. But it's the past, not my present."
"I just need tothink, Carter."
Carter sucked in a breath at her expression. As badly as he wanted her, and he did, he could see the truth she couldn't hide. The judgment.
He took a step back. Then another. "What's to think about? You've already made up your mind, haven't you?"
"Carter…"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you and you found out this way. That's on me and I own it. But right now? Your expression tells me I was kidding myself thinking time with you would help you see the real me."
"Carter…."
"You heard two divorces and automatically judged me unworthy." He watched her struggle to put her thoughts into words and realized nothing she said at this point could change how he felt, that he'd screwed up yet again. "You don't need to say anything, Eliza. It's written on your face."
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Chapter 25
By the time the weekend rolled around and Eliza worked the Sunday-afternoon wedding, she felt like a walking zombie. The sleepless, bloodshot, dark-shadowed kind with drool leaking from their mouths.
"Hey, boss, interference to your left."
Kellie's voice filled her ears via the headset, and Eliza quickly set out to flag down and stop the golf cart about to ruin the couple's photo session.
She managed to get the driver of the cart to wait until the photographer finished before sending them on their way.
An older woman stood nearby, glass in hand, watching the beach wedding and antics. Eliza smiled at the woman when she passed by her.
"You look tired, my dear."
As a greeting, it kinda sucked. Eliza pinned a smile to her lips and shrugged. "I'm fine." TheI'm fineresponse had been her mantra every waking moment since Carter had left her house.
I'm fine, she'd said to Marsali when they'd gone to dinner to celebrate the official release of Marsali's book—which had hit the bestseller list as of yesterday. Whenever Marsali had tried to discuss Carter, Eliza had shut her friend down and declared the night to be Carter-free.
"You're not fine," the older woman said, her gaze narrowing on Eliza's face with the intensity of a soul-seer.
Maybe it was the level of her fatigue or the sympathy in the woman's eyes, but Eliza's eyes flooded with tears, and no amount of blinking could stop the sudden barrage. She gasped at her unexpected response and froze, unable to move or react.
"Oh, my dear. Here," the woman said, finding and pressing a tissue into Eliza's hand. "Walk with me. Just down here a bit."
The woman took Eliza's hand and led her away from the wedding attendees waiting for the bride and groom to join them at the beachside buffet, back toward the water's edge, where Eliza had stopped the golf cart. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this."
"Oh, I think you do. Who is he?"
A laugh burst out of her at the insightful question. Crying to laughter? Eliza wondered if she was having a breakdown. "It doesn't matter. He's… gone."
"Because?"
They walked slowly, barely moving, and the words just exploded out of Eliza in a blubbering gush as she explained the situation with Carter to a total stranger with a gently wrinkled face and kind eyes.
"Tell me, has this gentleman given you reason not to trust him?"
