Page 28 of Second Chance Wedding
Walking while they talked helped. She didn’t have to look at him and could instead focus on the ground and their surroundings, his words, rather than the regret and empathy she now heard in his voice.
They left the sidewalk and crossed the street toward the pier. The pier house was open and busy, but Cole urged her to continue down the planked boardwalk by the swings and benches facing the Atlantic. “We were young and caught up in the excitement. We both made mistakes,” she said softly.
Cole lifted his hand, and they fell silent as they topped the first bridge over the dunes. Halfway across, they had to walk single file to accommodate others leaving the sand.
At the bottom, Ana slipped off the kitten-heeled flip flops she wore and grabbed them up to carry. They began walking again, moving closer to the water and heading south back toward the pier.
The sand felt oddly cold from the breeze and chilled from the night before yet warmed by the sun. Ana curled her toes and grounded herself, sucking in a deep breath, feeling the stress leave her body with every heartbeat while the waves crashed and tumbled to the shore.
Why didn’t she make more time for this? Things—life—kept her moving and exhausted, but why live here if she didn’t take advantage of the beauty? What was the point of always hustling so hard only to wake up one morning and realize life had passed her by?
“Was Ben’s father one of those mistakes you mentioned?”
The question shouldn’t have surprised her. Didn’t, really, she supposed. But it wasn’t a topic she relished discussing with Cole, yet she knew there was no escaping it. Or him.
She nodded without looking at Cole, choosing instead to focus on the beautiful view spread out in front of her. The sunlight twinkled across the water like Christmas lights, flickering here and there as the surface rolled.
“Where is he now? Why wasn’t he in the office yesterday with you and Ben?”
Cole stopped walking, and she took another step or two before doing the same. A wry smile formed on her lips, and she was grateful for the sunglasses that hid her eyes from him when Cole stared down at her, waiting for her response. “Because he didn’t want to be a father.”
“So he’sneverbeen around?”
She shook her head, the pinned smile in place by sheer will. The subject of Benjamin’s conception would always be a sore spot for her. A painful, awful memory of a painful, awful mistake. Embarrassment and humiliation filled her as it always did when she thought of how she’d behaved that night. How the weeks and months played out afterward.
Benjamin—she loved her son with all her heart and wouldn’t change having him, the years oflovinghim and being his mom—but sometimes her mind twisted into painful knots wishing she could undo the mistake that hadgivenher her baby boy. As though one could exist without the other.
She was amazed by how five minutes of time changed lives, whether it was speeding too fast on the highway or—going too far with a boy because she hurt so badly, felt so broken, that she’d sought the wrong kind of comfort to take away the pain.
“Ana…”
She walked on, her shaky steps fueled by the memories and pain and the twisted-up mix of regrets and love she felt for Benji. The hate and self-loathing she felt for herself because her behavior was so out of character. So unlike her. She’d never behaved like that before that fateful night—or since.
What a convoluted life. But she’d made it that way, and she wouldn’t—couldn’t—allow herself to forget that.
All the pain and suffering?
Call it karma, God’s correction, the universe. Whatever she called it, shedeservedit for the pain she’d inflicted not only on Cole but also her parents and Ben and even Quinley.
She had torn apart all their worlds, changed them and altered them in inconceivable ways.
She felt a prickle along her neck and back, indicating Cole’s silent presence as he followed her. And even though he asked for answers to questions that pained her to speak of, she knew she owed him the truth and whatever humiliation there was left to endure in the telling.
They’d walked to the underside of the pier, into the much cooler shadows beneath. The giant pilings soared above her head to support the pier, but underneath they looked like bits of an old puzzle, some broken from being ripped apart by hurricanes, others worn and discolored by the passing of time. Some new and not yet tarnished by the painful presence of existing in such a harsh yet beautiful environment.
The varying states of the pilings and planks reminded her of herself, the memories and decisions andall the thingsthat made her who she was today. Broken, torn, bruised and mended. But holding strong despite the surf and weather and wind. At least for now.
“Ana, stop.”
She did but only because her legs trembled, and she didn’t know if she could go on when her brain felt ready to implode.
“Is Ben’s dad the same guy from…that grad party you went to?”
Once again, her mind flashed back at his words. To that night and her stupid, reckless, immature behavior. It was all there in a sob-worthy instant. “He is.”
“Did you…date? Marry him?”
A caustic laugh bubbled out of her chest as she shook her head. “No.”
