Page 60 of Second Chance Wedding
“Yeah. That’s fair. I guess the Taylors really don’t like Cole, do they?”
“No, they do not.” This time she was the one shifting her gaze. She fussed with her napkin and made sure the pointed ends landed just so.
“I know you used to go out. Was it serious?”
Honesty is everything, she mused. She couldn’t expect it from her son if she didn’t give it to him in return. “It was very serious. I met Cole when I was a freshman in high school, and we dated for four years. During my senior year, Cole…asked me to marry him, and I said yes.”
“But you didn’t marry him.”
She crushed the worn material of the fabric napkin in her grip and then started all over again. “No, baby, I didn’t. After I said yes…I got scared. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be or wasreadyto be a wife, much less a military wife.”
“But you loved him? You must’ve, or you wouldn’t have said yes when he asked you.”
In for a penny…A smile formed on her lips when she thought of all the good times she’d spent with Cole. “I loved him with all that I had, which made things even harder to sort out when I had to make a decision.”
“Grandpa said Cole destroyed your life.”
“Grandpa is wrong,” she stated emphatically, “and he shouldn't have said that.”
“So what happened? Why does he think that? It must’ve been bad.”
Ana took hold of her glass and downed a long drink of her iced tea, wondering how to broach the subject of mental health with her son, especially given the way he’d acted out of late. But maybe this was the bridge she needed to cross to get Ben to open up? Consider counseling? “Cole didn’t ruin my life. Okay? He did nothing to put me in the mindset I was in. But like I said, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be a military spouse, and I was supposed to go to college. But because of Cole and the future we’d planned, I didn’t apply like I told my parents I would.”
“You lied to them.”
“I lied to them,” she said with a reluctant nod. “At the time, I was just trying to avoid yet another argument. But like parents tend to do, they found out, and they were justifiably upset. I shouldn’t have done that to them, and I regret that I did.”
“Do you? Or are you saying that because you don’t want me lying to you?”
“Both,” she said, sliding Ben her best motherly look. “Definitely both. Lying only caused mistrust, and it damaged our relationship in so many ways. I…knew they didn’t approve of Cole, so I wasn’t the most forthcoming about our plans or even the engagement until…I had to be.”
“Why didn’t they approve? Because they’re rich?”
“I think there were a lot of reasons. But, yes, I do think that’s one reason. Our age was another. We werereallyyoung, Ben.”
“Cole told me his parents both died, and he and his older brothers had to work to keep everyone together.”
She loved that Cole had opened up to Ben. That he’d shared something so personal. “That’s right. It was a scary time for their family. The Blackwells have done well for themselves from what I’ve heard, but back then it was just a gas station, and they had a lot of mouths to feed and to try to keep under one roof.”
“I bet Grandpa didn’t think Cole was good enough for you.”
Sometimes Ana wondered why she bothered to keep the awful things that had been said to herself, but she did. And she would continue to do so. Ben had enough to handle without throwing fifteen-year-old drama into the chaos. And as his mother, it was her job to protect him as best she could. Knowing his grandparents had wanted her to put Ben up for adoption would not help him in any way. “Maybe if I had been more honest with them, it would’ve made a difference, but now we’ll never know. That’s why I want a different relationship with you, though. I want us to be able to talk and openly communicate, Ben, even when the subject matter is tough to hear.”
“Is that why Grandpa said Cole ruined things? Because you lied to them about dating him?”
“No.Thatstatement is because…after that Christmas when I said yes, I found myself struggling mentally and emotionally.”
Ben’s gaze searched hers, and she tried hard to be the source of strength she knew he needed as he processed her words.
“You mean like…suicide?”
“Not that but…I was in a very dark place and very rebellious. It wasn’t due to anything Cole said or did to me. I promise you that. Okay? I brought that mood on myself because I thought…I thought I was badass,” she said softly, earning a surprised laugh and glance from Ben.
“No, I really did. Sound familiar?” She lifted one eyebrow high and gave him a pointed stare. “I felt I couldn’t talk to my parents. And talking to my friends was risky because I wasn’t sure what they’d say to their parents, who’d then tell mine. So I shoved all the things bothering me down and hid it from everyone, even from myself, but the reality was that I wasn’t mature enough to cope with everything coming at me. Or the complications I’d created by lying to my parents in the first place.”
“But they blame Cole.”
“They do. Because they need someone to blame and— I don’t know, maybe they’re afraid to blame me too much.”
