Page 41 of Off-Limits Love
“He sexually assaulted you.”
It wasn’t a question. But Mak couldn’t bring herself to nod. It had taken years for her to come to terms with what he did, to acknowledge to herself that it was what it was, much less tell someone.
“Makayla, sexual coercion isn’t consent. Guilting someone to have sex isn’t consent. Neither is manipulating them or forcing them into it citing marital duty or rights. Force in any way is rape.”
“I won’t press charges. I can’t.” Her throat hurt from strain as she hugged herself and the pillow tight. “He’d just deny it like he did then. And every woman in the world knows how impossible it is to prove rape in court.”
“No means no, Mak. But I’m glad you’re willing to call it what it was. You have nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about. He is to blame. Not you.”
Tears flooded her eyes faster than she could stop them, and a sob emerged before she clamped her lips shut. Mak grabbed tissues from a nearby box and dabbed at her eyes, struggling to get a grip on her emotions.
Zoey didn’t question her words or whether or not she might have made Brad’s actions into more than what they were. Zoey didn’t downplay what had happened to her, and for that, Mak would be forever grateful. To know she was believed. It meant everything, to know all those times when Brad had forced her weren’t right. Weren’t acceptable.
Once she finally got her emotions under control, she twisted her fingers around the tissues and fought back the urge to scream. To rage at the unjustness of Brad walking around telling people she was crazy and greedy and not a good wife.
Yeah, he cheated, but he’d tried to make things right. He didn’t want a divorce. She was the one who insisted on ending things and had walked away from him after he’d been so tolerant of allhershortcomings.
And there was that part of her that feared moving forward because she’d once trusted a man, married him, loved him—and he’d very nearly destroyed her.
What if it happened again?
Emi was the only good thing that had come out of it and the reason the darkness of that time hadn’t consumed her. But there were a lot of bits and baggage to heal, and sometimes she wondered if they ever would.
If it ever could.
Not because she was bitter or vengeful and holding onto the past but because his treatment had broken something deep inside of her.
“Mak? What happened to you is unfair and unjust, and sometimes the hardest thing to do is accept that someone we love would betray our trust that way. Betray us that way. But right now? Choose.”
Mak blinked and frowned at the woman across from her. “I’m sorry?”
“You have to choose. You can accept what happened and move forward. Or you can let what he did and all the anger and rage consume you until he wins every moment of every day. You shouldn’t have had to deal with any of that. But it happened. And now you have to decide if you want your life back.”
She did. She wanted that as much as she needed her next breath.
“Do you want to build a life for yourself and Emi without the verbal, emotional, financial, and sexual abuse?”
“You know I do,” Mak whispered, her voice cracking and breaking over the words as tears filled her throat once more.
“Then you have to choose, and you stick to that decision and protect it with every thought from here on out. Your mind and heart, your very soul, have been battered foryears. Your body too. They’re scared, and we hold that fear within us as trauma. But you are not that person anymore. Look at how far you’ve come since you separated from your ex and then followed through with filing for divorce. Those choices were major life changes, but you did it because you knew they were the right ones for you. Now, you have to take the next step forward.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“I know it’s not,” Zoey said with an empathetic shake of her head. “But look at how far you’ve come. You can do this. It’s about taking one hard, slow step at a time.”
She leaned her head back against the cushion behind her and closed her eyes. “Does it exist? Love? Real love?”
Zoey sighed and shifted in her seat. “I’m going to tell you something not many know about me. And it’s not flattering. For a long time, Ididn’tbelieve love was real, and I thought all relationships were doomed to fail.”
Well, that was disconcerting coming from her counselor. “Because?” Mak asked, giving Zoey a wary glance.
“Because… I should preface this by saying I love my job. I love that I get to help people on a daily basis. But I hear a lot of horrible things from my patients. And, like your story, a lot of what I hear is inflicted by the people claiming to love them.”
“So what changed? Aren’t you married?” she asked, looking at the rings sparkling on Zoey’s left hand.
Zoey smiled, and Mak blinked at the way it transformed the petite woman’s face.
Mak was small, shorter than every adult she knew—but Zoey was shorter and if Mak had to guess, under five feet. But what she lacked in height, she apparently packed in emotional punches.
