Page 74 of Off-Limits Love
“W-wouldn’t have b-been there if not for m-me,” he told her softly. “M-my f-fault.”
“No, Finn. It’s not.”
“I m-made us l-late.”
He’d made them late, so he thought— “You were achild. Would you blame Emi for making you late? Hold her responsible?”
A scowl marred his handsome face as he battled his emotions.
“L-late b-because of me,” he said again, straightening.
“So if I made us late and we were in an accident, you’d blame me? No, I mean it,” she said when she felt him withdraw from her. “There’s no double standard here. You can’t blame yourself and not blame me or Emi in that same situation. But you wouldn’t. Don’t you see that? Finn… It’s impossible to protect someone else from pain. It happens. It’s horrible and you want to help, but you can’t take that on yourself.”
When he hesitated and remained silent, she rushed to continue. “What if— What if you wrote them a letter? Your parents. Told them everything you feel about it being your fault? Write it down and get it out of you. Then, I don’t know, burn it? Bury it with them? Because it’snotyour fault. It was just…an awful, horrible accident. But they wouldn’t want you carrying this burden. I know they wouldn’t.”
He shook his head, but she wasn’t giving up so easily.
“Put yourself in their shoes, Finn. You’re an adult now. See it from that perspective. I’d never want Emi to carry the pain you’re carrying. And I know they wouldn’t want that for you.”
Finn didn’t acknowledge her words. He snagged Sadie’s reins and drew the horse closer before urging Mak toward the saddle.
After he’d swung her up and placed her feet in the stirrups like he had earlier, Mak leaned low and caught his hand before he could move away.
“Finn, you asked me to take a chance on you. On us. To fight for us. But how can we have a future when you can’t forgive yourself? I’ve been with a man who wouldn’t take responsibility foranything. It’s always everyone else’s fault and never his. But you? You’re holding onto something you didn’t do. Something you aren’t responsible for.”
Their gazes locked. And despite her questions and upset as to whether or not he hedged his bets in order to get Sam’s property, she couldn’t let Finn believe he was to blame for the accident. “Write the letter. Say all the things. Then let it go for their sake, if not your own. Because until you do? I can’t even think about risking my heart or future on you.”
ChapterNineteen
Finn couldn’t get Mak’s words out of his head the rest of the day.
They hadn’t talked during the remainder of the ride, and Mak seemed to understand and didn’t pressure him to try.
He’d blamed himself for so long, held himself responsible for so long, he wasn’t sure hecouldset the guilt he felt aside. Forgive himself for demanding his parents turn around and go back to the house because he’d forgotten his lucky mitt.
He’d actually believed he couldn’t play the game without it. So they’d gone back, and that was why they were on the road at that spot, right when the guy had hit them in a head-on collision.
Mak’s suggestion to write a letter to his parents had stayed with him as well. It was one of the suggestions his therapist had made many years ago. One of many he’d ignored.
And even though he’d come into the office to work on next week’s schedule, he’d found himself staring at a blank computer screen. One now filled with every soul-baring, blame-filled thought he’d ever had about the accident.
Pages and pages of words.
Late.
My fault.
So sorry.
Trapped.
Couldn’t reach you.
So much blood.
Screaming. You screamed for help, but nobody came. Then you got quiet.
I’m sorry.
