Page 58 of Off-Limits Love
That statement had Hudson written all over it.
What all had his brother said tonight during that dance of theirs? Had they been talking behind his back?
“You believe you’re cursed, and yet you want us to be together? How would that even work?”
That feeling of unworthiness that blindsided him at times did so again now. The curse that he’d never have the kind of love his brothers had found because of his responsibility for his parents’ accident.
But how did he explain that to her? How did he make it make sense? That he didn’t want it to be that way. It just was?
But she was right. If she knew about the curse, what kind of woman wanted to take that on? What chance would they have if he already believed them doomed?
Mak ran her fingertips over his knuckles, her touch soft and soothing.
“You are a wonderful man.”
“J-just not g-good enough.”
“That’s not true,” she countered, sounding pissed once again. “It’s just I feel like with everything else—the kitchen, for one example—we already have enough stacked against us without adding Brad into the mix. It’s too much, Finn. Too complicated. Do you hear what I’m saying?”
He couldn’t stop the way his jaw locked up or the anger he felt that her ex held so much power over her. One threat and she caved because she was that scared of him?
But when he hadn’t been able to speak up for her, for himself, why wouldn’t she be afraid? She thought she was on her own because he hadn’t done anything to protect her. Defend her.
And like it or not, he remembered what it was like to fear CPS coming to the door and taking them away after Alec got custody of them. Remembered the tension and fear they’d all felt in some way, knowing one screwup could split up their devastated family. And yet at some point they’d all acted out and kept everyone on edge.
Mak felt that kind of fear as a mother, and he couldn’t fault her for that.
“I like you, Finn,” she said in a soft voice. “Ido. But surely you realize you’d be better off with someone else? Someone with less baggage and an ex who doesn’t absolutely delight in tormenting you?”
Her words sent a shockwave through him. She thought she carried more baggage than he did?
If that was the case, what hadn’t she told him? What else had Brad done to put that wary, bone-tired look in her eyes? “Y-you’re w-worth it.”
He saw the surge and sparkle of tears before she hurried to blink them away. Anger filled him until he ached to land his fist in Jensen’s face once again.
Had he never told her that? Made it clear she was levels above whatever obstacles might need to be conquered? Worth the struggle? Made to feel special?
Of course he hadn’t, Finn realized sadly. Because that’s not what bullies did. They tore their partners down and ripped them to shreds in order to feel better about themselves and then got mad whenever the victim reacted and tried to defend themselves.
He knew that from his own experience with her ex, and that was years ago and on the most basic of levels. He could only imagine what it was like living and sharing a house with the guy. Sharing a bed.
The thought left him fuming and angry all over again, and he shut his mind off to what she might have endured during her marriage to Jensen.
“Why should I believe you,” she whispered softly. “When you can’t believe that about yourself?”
ChapterSixteen
The next few days passed with terrifying speed. The same night that Finn told Makayla she could use the party venue’s beautiful kitchen, she’d started filling out the forms for the inspection and license and drove them to the office to drop off the moment she’d completed them.
Between Emi and school, driving Sam to a few meetings that included an attorney’s office and a couple of banks on Monday and Tuesday, and their therapy appointments earlier today, Mak hoped Brad would call to cancel his visitation again because she wasn’t sure she had the mental bandwidth to deal with him.
Not after her heartbreaking conversation with Finn, when her mind was so torn with indecision as to whether she was stuck in fear and that’s why she backed away from a man who drew her in so many ways.
While Emi played on the porch with her dolls and Max, who currently wore Sam’s floppy fishing hat and stared forlornly at an empty plastic tea cup, Mak flipped through her extensive recipe list for items that would take her first round of baked goods to the next level.
She tried not to get too excited, but her hopes were sky high-due to the likelihood of being approved thanks to the use of Finn’s fancy new kitchen. And while she knew being around Finn would be awkward, at least at first, she hoped they could move beyond that awkwardness to even ground.
Her heart squeezed, and she hated the doubts that crept in, yet again, that she wasn’t giving Finn the chance he deserved.
