Page 30 of Christmas at the Scottish Lodge
JED
He had to get out of here. Jed shot out of the spare bedroom and sprinted down the hallway, almost tripping over Shadow, who miaowed his disapproval before flicking his tail in disgust. Yep. Jed knew exactly how he felt. That’s why he needed time to regroup.
What in eejit’s name had he been thinking? Telling Mairi all of that. He’d almost confided about his da’s debt, how it was all his fault. He knew not to share what he was feeling. How many times had he told his father he missed him, only to be slapped back and told not to whine? People didn’t want to know the truth. They wanted strength and perfection. They wanted the roar of the winner, not the needy wail of the weak.
He ran down the stairs, forgetting to check for Greer. It was pure luck that she wasn’t around, probably stalking the corridors upstairs looking for guests to interrogate. He headed into the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder in case Mairi had decided to come after him.
She hadn’t, which probably meant she was embarrassed for him, horrified by all the things he’d said. He’d told her he wasn’t good enough for her. His stomach rolled.Jeez. Would she evenbe here when he got back? And why did that matter? If she left, wouldn’t it be for the best?
‘Lad!’ Douglas strode through the back door, his clothes peppered with snow. He was carrying a bag and almost bumped into Jed when he got to the kitchen counter. Would have done if Jed hadn’t deflected with a swift sidestep. At least he still had some moves left.
‘What’s the rush?’ The older man looked worried. ‘Everything alright with your Aunt Effie?’ He pulled a green bobble hat from his head, exposing a face with so many deep wrinkles you could probably play marbles in the crevices. He had green eyes to go with his fluffy white hair and was quite handsome if you took the time to look. With a jolt, Jed wondered if his aunt ever had.
‘She’s okay.’ Jed patted the older man’s shoulder as he shrugged off his ice-drenched jacket. ‘You were right about the flu. She’s got a temperature and she’s not going to be up for the rest of the day. Probably not tomorrow either. Where’s Midnight?’ He looked around.
Douglas grinned. ‘Adam said he’d look after him for an hour so I could pop home and make something for your aunt Effie.’ He patted his bag.
‘Oh, I’m not sure this is the right time for another invention,’ Jed warned. ‘If you could just help serve afternoon tea, that would be best.’ He eyed the bag Douglas was still patting nervously.
‘Aye.’ The older man opened the flap, pulled out a silver flask and gave Jed a wonky smile. ‘That’s fine, lad, actually I was talking about my beef broth.’ He shook the flask. ‘It’s guaranteed to heal all ailments. My grandmother taught me how to make it when I was a lad and I’ve added a few special ingredients just for Effie. I used to make it for my wife when she was poorly.’ His eyes were a little sad.
‘That’s…’ Jed nodded, relieved. ‘Thanks. I’m sure it’ll help. I’d better go and find Adam,’ he said, turning. ‘I think the dogs will both need feeding.’ He’d have to make his escape later. He glanced out of the window at the falling snow and sighed.
‘You look like you need a break,’ Douglas said. ‘How about I look after the dogs and keep an eye on Effie so you can get some fresh air?’
‘I can’t.’ Jed darted a look at the back door. He was about to refuse again, but then he heard Greer shout something in the hall and knew he needed some time alone. ‘But if you’re sure?’ he said softly.
‘I’m sure, lad.’ Douglas gave Jed a look that made him wonder if the older man understood far more than he’d realised. ‘Looks like you could do with a bit of time to yourself. But make sure you’re back in time for afternoon tea.’ He glanced up when Greer shouted again and shuddered. ‘Don’t leave me alone with that woman for too long.’
Jed jerked his chin and headed outside.
Jed stood with a heavy stomach at the top edge of Devil’s Run and stared into its icy depths. If he could just get a few hundred metres down, it might be the first step to changing everything? He could get his sponsorship back, pay his dad the money he’d lost, then he wouldn’t have to stay away from Mairi. He might even be able to admit to Quinn – and everyone else – that they were married. If she’d even have him after his confession earlier.
‘You going to jump this time?’ Jed heard Scott’s voice sing out from behind him and grimaced when the teenager slid across the snow until they were standing side by side.
‘Why are you here?’ Jed grumbled. He wanted to be alone. He couldn’t do this with an audience. He probably wouldn’t do it without one.
‘I knew you’d come back here today. I saw you leave the lodge,’ the boy admitted puffing out his chest, clearly proud that he’d got it right. ‘I told you, I want to learn from you. If you won’t teach me, then I’ll just watch. You can’t stop me.’ He pushed out his fluffy chin in a gesture of defiance when Jed shook his head.
‘I’m not going to jump now,’ he said, pointing to the dark clouds in the far distance. He’d known about them when he was skiing here, but they were the perfect excuse for avoiding the narrow track today. ‘There’s a storm coming, I might get caught in it on the way down.’
The teen narrowed his eyes on the peaks of the mountains, squinting at the clouds. ‘Really?’ His tone indicated he wasn’t convinced. ‘It’ll be a while until it gets here. If you start now, there will be plenty of time to get to the bottom. Especially at your usual pace.’
Jed sucked in a breath. He couldn’t tell the boy that if he was going to do this, he’d need a lot more time to build up his nerve, or that he wasn’t sure if he ever would again.
‘Don’t you read the papers?’ he asked.
‘No. Da says they’re full of rubbish.’ Scott paused. ‘You once said in an interview that “life begins where fear ends.”’
Jed winced. He’d said a lot of things once. ‘Aye, well.’ He heaved out a long breath and looked down. It would only take once. One leap into the unknown and everything would change. He swallowed. ‘Fine, lad, but you’ll need to stand back.’ He shifted backwards, felt his stomach roil, ignored the wobble in his limbs as he positioned himself in the correct place.
He could do this, hecould. He thought about what his coach would have said when he’d had one and cleared his throat, forcing his legs to inch forward. One and then the other, and again. He could do this. He could. If he said it enough times, he could make it true.
He felt the blast of cold slap against his cheeks as he set off and began to gather pace, zigzagging back and forth, slicing through the ice with each noisy swish. He ignored the terror as it clenched itself around his organs and squeezed. He couldn’t breathe by the time he got to the edge of the first precipice. He heard Scott shout and knew he’d miscalculated when he went over, leaving his stomach and any bravado he’d conjured behind.
He landed with a hard bump after what felt like an age but was probably only seconds. He knew how to fall – years of practice meant it was ingrained. He twisted himself into a better position as he began to slide, trying not to hit anything. He felt one of his skis pop off, and realised he’d done something to his right knee.
But he kept his mouth clamped shut – he wasn’t going to wail or howl. No one was going to know how much it hurt, how afraid he was or how fast his blood was pumping around his body, making him feel like he might faint. No one needed to know that – despite the cold – there was a layer of sweat on his skin.
