Page 39 of Christmas at the Scottish Lodge
You had to be single-minded and fearless if you wanted to come first. Even if that same focus could take you away from theone thing that defined who you were and made you let down the ones who mattered most…
‘Aye, well, you ending up on your rump with a broken hip could be a very real possibility,’ Jed said roughly, trying not to smile when Scott bristled, clearly offended. ‘That’s why you train and train to make sure when you do fall –’ because he would, ‘– you don’t get badly hurt.’
‘Like you did, you mean,’ Scott shot back and then flushed. ‘Sorry.’
Jed looked out over the glittering slopes and pulled in a long breath. ‘You’re not wrong.’
‘But running is boring.’ The boy sighed, his attitude returning as quickly as his embarrassment had fled. ‘I thought we’d be skiing together down Devil’s Run today – IknowI can do it.’
Jed jerked his chin. ‘You’re nowhere near ready for that,’ he said roughly. And neither was he.Yet.But he had to be. There were only a few days until the Aberlinnie Winter Wonder Ski Championships, and he had to get a good result so he could pay the debt for his da. ‘And running is not as boring as hoovering – which you’ll be doing as soon as we’re back at the lodge, remember.’
‘I know!’ Scott said, darting a look back up the hill again. ‘How about you race me? Show me what you can do?’ he said, his eyes bright with challenge. ‘If your knee’s really up to it.’
Jed frowned. He was supposed to be training the boy, showing him how important fitness was.
So far, all Scott had seen him do was fall on his backside or stand staring into the icy abyss. Some role model. It wouldn’t hurt to show him what these kinds of exercises could achieve. He’d spent hours on his physical training, working to get himself back to full fitness after the accident, filling his mind with it so he could forget Mairi. Which clearly hadn’t worked. This was just one exercise in a hundred he’d pushed himself to do overand over. Forcing his body to heal as he ignored the pain and anxiety the accident had created.
‘It’s up to it,’ Jed said, bending so he could unclip his skis. He quickly tugged on his snowshoes and started to stretch. ‘If I beat you, then you have to promise to vacuum upstairs as well, maybe you can make a start on the Christmas decorations in the dining room too?’
‘Okay, but you won’t beat me,’ Scott snorted, wriggling his hips and doing some stretches.
‘The confidence of youth,’ Jed muttered, but he found himself grinning, delighted. ‘On three, last one down is the vacuum king!’ he shouted before beginning the count down on his fingers.
‘One, two.’ He could feel a charge in his chest, a buzz of excitement and laughed. ‘Three!’ he yelled and took off, sprinting up the hill, feeling his muscles immediately engage as his legs punched the ground and he practically flew.
He heard Scott holler something but didn’t look back – he knew now not to let himself get distracted. When he reached the top and turned, the boy wasn’t far behind, but Jed was faster. He took off back down the hill, almost tripped, but just kept his balance and managed not to slide. It had been a while since he’d competed against anyone – had let himself enjoy the excitement of winning. The feeling burst through him, filling his lungs and heart — and as he reached the bottom, he practically bounced on his heels and let out an almighty roar just as Scott stampeded up to join him.
‘That was…’ The boy leaned onto his knees, too out of breath to finish the sentence.
‘Proof that you need more practice?’ Jed said, grinning as he fought to catch his own. He was pleased with his fitness level. He’d been training constantly from the moment he was back onhis feet. His knee ached a little today, but it hadn’t held him back. His problem definitely wasn’t physical.
‘You’re pretty good for an old man,’ Scott teased as he righted himself, his chest heaving. ‘I can’t wait to see you do a run up close.’ His cheeks were bright pink and his eyes were filled with elation.
It was a good feeling knowing you’d made someone feel the same; it was like sharing a part of yourself. Jed knew he’d become closed off since the accident – had kept everyone at arm’s length. But this proved it – showed him what he’d been missing. Perhaps he’d done it because he was afraid of engaging, of letting anyone know how much he was hurting? Or maybe it was because he just hadn’t felt like letting anyone in because he couldn’t afford to screw up their lives too.
Were things changing because Mairi was here, was she the catalyst?
Jed cleared his throat, trying to clear the barrage of emotions. ‘Aye, well, you’re pretty good for a wee laddie,’ he said, earning himself an eye roll.
‘Shall we do it again?’ Scott asked, pointing up the hill as he hopped from foot to foot like a toddler begging for a bedtime story. ‘Best of three?’
Jed’s mobile suddenly pinged in his pocket, and he pointed to the slope. ‘Not this time, lad, you do it again on your own, twice this time and faster,’ he ordered.
‘You’re just scared I’ll win.’ Scott’s shoulders slumped, but he spun around and began to power back up the incline muttering. ‘I’ll beat you next time.’
Jed watched him for a moment, admiring the boy’s form. There was something about the way he moved, the sheer elegance of his long limbs, the effortless speed and careless regard for any danger that reminded him of himself. Or at least of the way he’d once been. He might be faster, but Scott had theadvantage of youth. All the possibilities, but none of the dread that would hold him back. Or the overthinking he just couldn’t get a handle on.
Jed sighed and got his phone out of his pocket, wondering if Mairi had contacted him. Hoping she had. When he’d left the lodge with Scott so early this morning he hadn’t seen her. He wasn’t sure what to expect.
Would she regret what had happened, ask him for a divorce again? He swallowed a wave of bile. Or would she have changed her mind, want to give their marriage another chance?
He was in two minds about what he wanted.Scratch that.He knew exactly what he wanted. He just wasn’t sure if he could let himself have it. Mairi deserved so much better, and he didn’t want to pull her into the crapfest that was his life. He watched Scott power back down the hill before heading back up again – unafraid, daring, a powder keg of possibilities, unencumbered by guilt and a need to put things right – and tried not to feel jealous.
He scanned the phone and winced when the name Boyd Murray popped onto the screen.
I’m running out of time, son. The wolf is at the door and he’s showing his teeth. It’s time for you to get over whatever’s holding you back – you need to win that championship. It’s been too long.
Jed frowned and shook his head. If he told Boyd he didn’t know if he’d ever get back to professional skiing, let alone win anything, he wasn’t sure what would happen. He frowned.
