Page 44 of Christmas at the Scottish Lodge
‘I’m still trying to do the right thing—’ Jed didn’t move, but he didn’t tell her they were making a mistake either. Maybe he couldn’t? Besides, they both knew it would be a lie.
‘What if I don’t want you to do the right thing?’ She stepped closer. ‘What if I said I want more than a kiss?’
His chest deflated. ‘I told you downstairs. It’s not a good idea. At least, not yet.’
She held up the shoe. ‘This proves you’ve been thinking about me. All this time…’ All those nights when she’d lain in bed, wondering if he blamed her, and if he did, whether he’d ever felt the same way. If their whole marriage had been a fantasy, a way for her to feel wanted, her own Cinderella fairy tale.
He shut his eyes. ‘I need to win the ski championships first.’
‘I don’t care about that.’
She saw the words hit. Watched him lick his lips as his muscles tightened. ‘I’m not asking you to wait forever.’ His voice was rough.
‘Are you worried I’m going to distract you?’ she asked, holding her breath because if he said he was, that was the one thing that would make her leave.
‘No,’ he said simply. ‘I just…’
Mairi pressed a finger to his lips and rose onto her tiptoes so she could stare into his eyes. This was her moment, the one she’d been waiting for and she wasn’t going to let him back out again.
20
MAIRI
Mairi didn’t know how long they stared at each other. But she could hear her heart beating like a steel drum and wondered how long it might be before the whole thing came bursting out, or if Jed would know how much he affected her.
She wrote about sex in her books all the time – about chemistry and the irresistible pull of longing, the seemingly unending ache of need. But this was real and so much more powerful than anything she could have put into words.
‘This is a bad idea. I can’t let myself get distracted,’ Jed rasped even as he reached for her hand and tugged her closer. Then he tipped her head until she was gazing into his blue eyes. His were filled with so much heat and confusion that she swallowed.
For the first time since Mairi had come to Holly Berry Lodge – before she’d started to wonder if there might be a chance for them to find their way back to each other, after all – she began to have her doubts. Was she really ready for this? Could she survive another knock to her heart – what would happen if Jed changed his mind again?
‘I feel like I’m at the top of Devil’s Run again, staring into the abyss.’ He swallowed, his eyes swirling with indecision. ‘I want to jump, but…’
‘You’re not sure you’ll make it to the bottom without crashing,’ she guessed. ‘I’m not asking you to—’ She began, but that was as far as she got – because suddenly she was in Jed’s arms and his mouth was on hers in an explosion of need, heat and frenzy. He teased her lips open before starting to explore.
Mairi moaned, because it had been too long. Almost eleven months of craving and wishing – of waiting for him. And now he was here, pressing his fingers into her hips, dropping them lower so he could knead her backside before he found his way underneath the waistband of her trousers, searching for bare skin. She could feel herself trembling, could feel the same eager need reflected in Jed.
He'd always been so adept at locking down his emotions, of hiding how he felt. But he couldn’t hide the way she affected him now.
Mairi could feel him shuddering, could feel the hard bulge of his erection underneath his jeans as it pressed into her stomach, filling her with a familiar need.
‘I have to face what scares me,’ Jed muttered and Mairi wasn’t sure if he was talking to himself or her. Wasn’t going to ask. ‘I need you to touch me,’ he said roughly as he lifted her onto her tiptoes, and she shoved her hands into his hair and held on. She wrapped her legs around his hips and pressed herself into him – reminding him of what was waiting for them both.
He let out a shaky breath. ‘I know I shouldn’t. I know this is a bad idea for you, for me, but I’m not sure I can do the right thing anymore.’
‘I don’t want you to,’ she said, her voice scratchy. The right thing wasn’t walking away. The right thing wasn’t deprivingthem both of each other because he didn’t think he was worthy – or whatever other reason he was still hiding from her.
Mairi wanted Jed wild, she didn’t want him to think – so she’d do what needed to be done to show him that they fit, like pieces of a puzzle that should never have been separated. She finally had his attention, and this was her chance to remind him of how things had been between them. Of how things could be again if he’d just let them.
He deepened the kiss as he carried her across the room, before pressing her down into the bed, making an imprint in the mattress with his knee as he leaned over her. He was big and hard bodied – everything she’d been craving. So she didn’t let go, she wouldn’t have been able to make herself, even if she wanted to. Instead, she pulled him on top of her and held on.
After all this time, Mairi was afraid of letting Jed think. Scared he’d have second thoughts and back away, closing the tiny slither of hope that had just emerged. She could already imagine him jumping up and grabbing his skis, of him running for the hills and never coming back.
She pushed her fingers under the T-shirt he’d just pulled on and ran her hands over the skin and muscle on his back, guiding her fingertips over every inch of him. She could remember each curve and dip, all the hard planes and soft edges – knew without asking exactly where he liked to be touched.
‘I dreamed of you.’ He broke off the kiss for long enough to whisper the words before he began to pepper soft, open-mouthed kisses across her collarbone and neck. Then he shifted his body so he could start to work her shirt up and over her head.
Mairi took the opportunity to strip his damp T-shirt all the way off too. Then she threw it over her shoulder, not caring where it might end up. She had plans for him now, plans that didn’t include any of his wardrobe.
