Page 57 of Christmas at the Scottish Lodge
Jed had tried to smile.
‘My dad’s watching from the bottom,’ Scott had said innocently. ‘He told me to say don’t worry – you’ve got this and even if you don’t, there’s always tomorrow.’
‘Thanks, lad.’ Jed had swallowed, wishing Boyd had an ounce of Adam’s humanity, as he slowly glided to the start.
Jed stared into the abyss that was Devil’s Run and tried not to hyperventilate.
He had to move, but it felt like the whole mountain had fallen silent so it could watch him fail. Even the birds had stopped singing – and the silence was deafening.
He squeezed his ski poles as he gazed at the start. This was the moment he’d been working towards. If he could just get to the end fast enough and demonstrate enough skill…If he could do all that without making a mistake, then he’d get his life back. He’d pay off his da’s debts and he’d get to have Mairi.
He crouched lower, tensing his thighs, feeling the grit of determination as it flooded through him, blocking everything else out. Doubts, pain, that nagging sixth sense that told him that this was going to go wrong were dismissed.
The countdown began and he gripped the poles harder, ‘Four, three, two…’ The numbers echoed in his mind and his vision tunnelled. Only one thing mattered now – he had to win. When Jed heard, ‘One,’ the world narrowed to a razor thin blur of flags and ice.
He felt a sharp stab of fear as he made himself take off, ignoring the chatter of his skis as they whooshed on the ice. He was going to do this, and he was going to place well. He playedthe mantra in his mind over and over as he forced himself to speed up.
The first turn was effortless and Jed angled himself to the right, trying to work with gravity so he could go faster. He absorbed the shock of the terrain in his joints as he pivoted again, ignoring the complaints from his body as it shrieked that it hurt. Pain didn’t matter, only conquering his fears and winning did.
The wind howled past his helmet and icy snowflakes hurled themselves at the tiny slithers of exposed skin. His poles whipped to the side with a graceful rhythm that almost felt innate. God he’d missed this. The excitement of the race, the feeling of power, the total certainty that he was going to beat everyone.
It had been too long since he’d felt this good on the slopes. Jed’s heart pounded as he dug deeper, making himself accelerate. Ignoring the small part of himself that was screaming that he should slow down, telling him he wasn’t ready, and that he was risking everything.
Trees flashed past as he snapped around a gate with a fluid grace he’d almost forgotten his body was capable of. His lungs burned with every breath and the scrape of his skis cutting through ice was deafening.
But he could almost hear the roar of the crowd now, could taste the sweet flavour of victory and wondered if his friends could see him yet. Wondered if Mairi was there. What she was thinking.
That’s when Jed’s right ski caught on something, jarring his leg, spinning him around with a painful wrench. That’s when he landed on his backside and his poles went flying and he knew in that moment that everything was lost…
26
MAIRI
‘Don’t stress, he’s going to be fine,’ Quinn reassured Mairi as she watched the members of the ski patrol help Jed limp off the end of the slope as a crowd of onlookers gathered, trying to get a better look.
He was conscious but hadn’t even glanced in her direction and Mairi had an awful feeling she knew what that meant. He’d told her he’d walk away if he crashed and burned, but she couldn’t believe he’d actually do it. Surely their marriage meant more to him than that? He’d told her he loved her – then again Mike had done the same, and so had Harry. Were Jed’s words just as empty as theirs?
Her stomach twisted. Jed had been doing so well. It had been like the old Turbo had returned. He’d been bombing down the decline, sliding left and right demonstrating textbook tight turns. His movements had been smooth, and his speed, she gulped – she didn’t even drive a car that fast.
The crowd had been roaring and all Mairi had been able to think about was the conversation they’d have after Jed had picked up his trophy. Of how she’d be able to be honest with Quinn for the first time in a year, and how it would feel to holdand kiss her husband in public for the first time. It had felt like a rerun of the thoughts she’d had at the start of the year, when she’d been so full of hope.
Only now she had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, an overwhelming fear that he was going to ask her to wait. And she couldn’t do it. She had to make him understand that fame and glory didn’t matter. They were in this together or not at all. They had to step into the light. For the first time in years, she was ready to walk away from love with no safety net to catch her.
‘I need to see him,’ she said, her voice tight like an elastic band stretched to breaking.
‘Why?’ Quinn asked, looking surprised. He patted her on the shoulder. ‘He’s being taken care of, he’s conscious. Everything’s okay.’
‘Why do you need a reason for everything?’ Kenna asked Quinn impatiently, before pointing a finger at the medical van Jed had just been guided into. ‘He looked fine, but if you need reassurance, why don’t you go and see him now? I’ll keep an eye on everything here.’ Kenna tipped her head in Quinn’s direction and blinked slowly as if trying to convey she’d keep her brother occupied.
‘I still don’t get it,’ Mairi heard Quinn say as she took off, trying not to slip or trip on the ice as she headed towards the ambulance.
‘You don’t need to understand everything,’ Kenna told her brother patiently and she almost smiled. Would have if her heart wasn’t halfway to smashed.
Was Jed going to turn her away again? Her stomach pinched, a bundle of raw nerve endings.
Mairi lifted a hand, wondering if she should knock on the ambulance door, but decided not to. She’d spent too many months worrying about what everyone else wanted. Now it was time to grab what she needed with both hands. To be moredifficult and demanding as Effie had advised. She’d waited too long for Jed already and wasn’t going to do it again. She had to show him she wasn’t going to be forced out of his life – that she was strong enough to stay.
‘Is he okay?’ she asked, tension in her throat as she peered through the open crack in the ambulance doors. She could see her husband lying on a stretcher with the top of his suit pushed to the waist. There was a paramedic tending to his leg and he had a blood pressure monitor strapped to his bare arm.
