Page 62 of Christmas at the Scottish Lodge
‘Effie—’ Quinn smiled and went to give her a hug. He looked pale, but the fear in his expression had eased which gave Jed hope. ‘Mairi’s awake – she’s up for visitors – at least for a few minutes.’
‘Finally!’ Jed got up and marched towards the door.
‘Not you!’ Quinn blocked him. ‘I was talking to Effie and Kenna.’ He smiled at them. ‘Go ahead, it’s the third door on the right. Jed and I have some things to discuss. We should probably do it in private.’
‘Aye, we’ll see you both in a minute.’ Effie frowned at Jed. ‘I hope you boys can sort out your differences. Remember you’ve been friends for a long time, that means something.’ She followed Kenna and the door slammed shut. Quinn moved away from Jed, his expression suddenly cold.
‘I guess our friendship means a lot less than I thought,’ he said coldly.
‘I want to see Mairi,’ Jed said.
‘Well, she doesn’t want to see you. I’m still trying to get my head around what you told me. Mairi won’t say anything and I’m not going to pressure her for information at the moment.’ Quinn folded his arms.
‘Is she really okay?’ Jed’s stomach was churning. ‘I know what you said to the others, and Kenna said she was, but I’m going out of my mind.’
Quinn stared at him for a full minute, his expression halfway between angry and bemused. He didn’t look like Jed’s best friend now – he looked like someone he hardly knew. ‘She’sfine,’ he said eventually. ‘She’s got a headache, and the doctor wants to keep an eye on her. But she’s not worried, so I’m not either.’ He sighed. ‘At least, not about that.’
He narrowed his eyes, searching Jed’s face as if seeing him for the first time. ‘I don’t get it. She won’t talk about you except to say she doesn’t want to see you. You’re really married – I heard that right?’ He sounded so utterly horrified that Jed almost felt sorry for him. Jed definitely felt guilty. He’d betrayed his best friend, and, in the process, he might have lost him forever. He’d have to add him to the long list of people he’d let down.
‘Yes, we’re married. I’m sorry.’ He shifted from foot to foot – he couldn’t seem to stay still.
‘Explain,’ Quinn ordered.
Jed gazed at Quinn. This was his best friend. Until he’d married Mairi, he’d told him everything. Quinn knew him inside out.
‘Where did it happen, and how?’ Quinn asked, moving to the other side of the waiting room, putting distance between them.
Jed glanced at the exit. Now Quinn wasn’t in his way, he could probably make it to Mairi’s room. But he couldn’t do it. He had to face up to the mess he’d created. It was time to stop running. ‘In Vegas just before my accident.’ He shut his eyes. He’d have to tell Quinn everything. He owed him the truth. ‘She came to see me and…’ The air rushed from his lungs. ‘I’m sure you’ve suspected I’ve always had feelings for her.’ He swallowed. ‘I just didn’t know, could never hope that she felt the same way.’
‘So, what happened after the accident? You decided you didn’t want to be married anymore?’ Quinn asked. ‘Wasn’t my sister good enough for you?’ His eyes flashed hot rage. ‘Is that why neither of you told me, why you’ve been living apart?’
‘That’s not it.’ Jed let out a long breath and took a seat because his hip was aching and suddenly, he was so tired. ‘Ijust.’ He paused, trying to find the right words. ‘I married Mairi because I loved her. That’s the truth.’ He looked up into Quinn’s face. ‘Then I had the accident and messed everything up. What am I without skiing?’ He rested his hands on his knees and stared at the small Christmas tree someone had set up in the corner of the waiting room. The lights on it sparkled brilliantly, making him think about the last few days – of all the things he’d now lost.
‘Until today I’d have said you were a pretty good guy,’ Quinn said tightly. ‘You were my best friend and I don’t take that lightly.’
‘Neither do I,’ Jed said.
‘Yet you’ve lied to me for eleven months,’ Quinn said fiercely. ‘Why didn’t either of you tell me?’ He slumped into the seat opposite Jed.
‘You told me yourself I wasn’t good enough for her,’ Jed said, annoyance colouring his tone.
‘When?’ Quinn swung an arm over the back of his chair looking tense. ‘I don’t remember.’
‘We were twenty,’ Jed said roughly. He could still remember every word.
‘Aye.’ Quinn nodded. ‘Which means Mairi was sixteen. What would you have expected me to say?’ His forehead creased. ‘She was my little sister, and you were far too old for her. Way more experienced.’
‘It wasn’t just that,’ Jed said. ‘You were from a close-knit family. Your parents loved you.’ He tightened his hands into fists – exposing himself like this was humiliating. ‘I was a boy who made his mum die.’
‘In childbirth,’ Quinn said, his tone softening. ‘It was hardly your fault.’
‘I was living with my aunt.’ Jed swallowed. ‘Because Da had moved away. He didn’t want me.’ He sucked in a breath asthe festering hurt clogged his lungs like decades old mould that needed a good scrub.
No matter how many years passed, he couldn’t get rid of the shame. Of being abandoned. Or the feeling that he’d somehow deserved it. Effie took him in because she was a woman with a kind heart, but he was just another of her rescues, she hadn’t chosen him, not really. No one had. Aside from Quinn and Mairi – and he didn’t deserve them.
‘None of that was your fault.’ Quinn stared at him. ‘You know that, right?’
‘I know when I started to win at skiing, people took notice, people cared.’ He swallowed.
