Page 65 of Christmas at the Scottish Lodge
‘Not if you read a romance novel,’ Kenna snorted. ‘You don’t get it.’ She turned to Quinn. ‘Jed is looking for reasons because he doesn’t feel like he deserves Mairi. He wants everything to be perfect. Him included.’ She blinked as her brother’s face tensed, and he nodded. ‘Until the idiot realises that there’s no such thing as perfect, there’s no chance for them.’
‘Aye.’ It was good Kenna understood, even if hearing that had made Mairi’s heart break a little more. ‘That’s why I’m going back to Edinburgh. I can’t wait anymore. I’m going to focus on my writing and I’m going to finish my novel by deadline – then I’m going to write more.’
‘Finally!’ Kenna cheered.
‘I’ll live my life through my characters – at least until I can see a happy ending for me.’ She swallowed. ‘The important thing is I’m not searching for love now. I need it to come and find me, when it’s ready.’
‘Is there nothing Jed can do to change your mind?’ Quinn asked, looking unhappy.
‘No.’
‘Well, let’s not be hasty.’ Kenna tapped a fingernail on her chin. ‘If this were a novel, I’d say he needs to do something romantic. Something so huge and meaningful that it can’t be ignored. He has to prove to Mairi that he’s not going to walk away again. That he’s accepted things aren’t going to be perfect – and he loves her more than his insecurities.’
‘Aye, well,’ Mairi said sadly. ‘Jed’s definitely never going to do that…’
29
JED
Jed opened the door to his bedroom at Holly Berry Lodge feeling skittish. He’d left the hospital after waiting for over two hours to see Mairi. He’d hoped she’d relent and at least talk to him, but then Quinn had come to find him in the waiting room and told him that she’d already left.
He’d had a difficult moment then, giving him insight once more into how it must have felt for her earlier in the year. How desperate she must have been – how painful the rejection. It was difficult to process that alongside the knowledge that he’d been trying to protect her. That he'd supposedly been doing the right thing…
He walked through the threshold of his bedroom and stepped on a brown envelope. It was heavy and Jed knew without looking what was inside. He put it on the bed without opening it and shut the door, feeling his insides churn. He didn’t want to sign the divorce papers – even though letting Mairi go was the right thing to do. How could he allow her to get caught up in his father’s debt? What could he offer her now? It wouldn’t be fair.
But everything felt wrong, and he didn’t know how to put it right – not while his life was in such chaos.
He had to speak to her, to ask again if she’d wait. He had to remind her how he felt, of how important to him she was. He made for the door – she might be in her bedroom. At least he could try knocking?
Jed jerked to a stop when he was halfway across the room as his eye caught on his trophies which were lined up on the bookshelf. He’d spent years earning them, had made it his life’s work. Each one represented a win – proof that his life had meaning. Thathehad value. But what did they actually epitomise now?
Looked at through another lens, they were just metal and glass – hard, cold and in some cases ugly. Hardly something he’d want to wrap himself around in the dead of night. All those years of striving for something with the intention of impressing his da – had it been worth it? Where was Boyd Murray now? He hadn’t been at the championships today, hadn’t shown his face when Jed had been hurt.
Jed swallowed and stepped closer so he could pick up the book Scott had given him. He flicked to a random page and read the quote aloud, hoping it might inspire him.
‘“When everything is lost, instead of giving up, gear up, and look at what you can change.”’ He sighed. ‘I can’t change anything, you numbskull. Not while Da’s in debt because of me. I owe him.’ Despite what anyone else thought.
He angled himself towards the door again, clutching the book just as his mobile began to ring.
‘Boyd,’ he said, straightening his shoulders in preparation for the rant he knew was coming. He deserved it and he’d take his medicine like a good son.
His father sighed. ‘You did it again.’ His voice was as sour as old cherries. ‘I believed in you, but you let me down, lad. Itwas the lass I’m guessing – I told you she’d distract you and you didn’t listen. I told her to stay away back in February, but she’s clearly just as stubborn as you. You’ll learn in time.’
Jed frowned. ‘You asked her to stay away – what from me?’ Mairi hadn’t mentioned it.
‘Aye – I told her the accident happened because you were too busy focusing on her. I was right too.’ He sounded annoyed. ‘You know what distractions do. I’ve told you enough times.’
Jed shut his eyes. It didn’t change anything, but it might explain why Mairi had stayed in Edinburgh for so long. Why she hadn’t contacted him and why she’d been sucked into Harry’s orbit so easily.
She’d thought he blamed her – had even hinted as much – and he’d done nothing to make her feel differently. Guilt layered on top of guilt making it hard for him to breathe.
His father sighed heavily. ‘Now I owe more money because of you, and someone came around earlier to collect it. Broke my TV and tablet too.’ He grunted.
Jed sighed and went to sit on the edge of his bed, shoving the envelope aside. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll sort it, I promise.’ His heart raced. ‘I can send a bit more money next month.’ He could just manage if he was careful. ‘And I’ve registered for another ski championship in February. Can you ask them to wait?’ He’d be ready next time. He had to be.
‘They’ve waited long enough, and the interest is eye-watering,’ Boyd complained. ‘Nae, lad. I’m not delaying. I’ve put my life on hold for you for too long. It’s out of your hands now.’
‘What do you mean?’
