Page 102 of Going Viral for Christmas
His voice is stripped of charm and games. “Whatexactlyhappenedto make you build walls tall enough to keep even someone as determined as me out? And I’m pretty relentless when I want something, but Bells, you have a full-blown fortress. Moat included.”
I inhale a breath, not wanting to go there.Again.But also… I’m done with swallowing it down and tired of holding it in.
My pulse hammers, and my mouth moves before my brain can stop it. “Okay, you want the truth?” I ask, hoping I won’t regret this.
“God,yes.”
I stare down at my hands. “I believed someone when they said I waseverything. Their person. Theirone.And when that changed, I didn’t get a warning. I got replaced. With several other women, actually.”
Soren exhales a breath that’s meant to be felt. “I’m so sorry.”
“This someone wasgoodat pretending.” My voice cracks at the edge. “And I was stupid enough to believe it was real.” I look away, swallowing down the painful memory. “So you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t jump all at once, becauseyou’repretending too, Soren. And everything is so muddled, I don’t know what’s safe. What’s wrong or what’s right?—”
“So now you don’t trust what’s in front of you?” I cut in. “Because of someone else who lied behind your back?”
“I trust myself…” Silence and tension swell between us. “...except when I’m with you.”
“I know,” he agrees, like he’s Luke Freaking Skywalker after Princess Leia tells him she loves him. He grins, trying to lighten things between us.
I roll my eyes, look away.
Soren grasps my chin and turns me back to face him. “I want to be clear. I’m not going to knock down your walls, Bells. Not until you’re ready. I’m hoping you might hand me a layout of the underground dungeon to your intensely built fortress. Or at the very least, let me keep showing up until the front gate creaks open a little.”
My laugh is watery. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Maybe,” he shrugs. “So ispretendingthe chemistry between us doesn’t exist.”
His smile heats my core. And I don’t hate it. That’s the problem, isn’t it?
Soren dips his head to meet my eyes. “Do you ever wonder what would happen if youdidn’trun?”
I hesitate before answering, “Yeah. I do.”
“And?”
My head turns to avoid his gaze.
“Bells, it kills me to say this, but… as yourfriend…” That word suddenly sounds poisonous. “Thank you. For telling me. For opening up a little.”
My laugh cracks, surprised and shaky. “Do you hate the word, friend?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely. You used it to keep me at a distance.”
“You’re not wrong.”
Before I can pull away, before I can deflect, he adds, “You’re not a game.Ifyou were… please know this…I’d still want to lose myself in every level of you.”
Air is trapped inside my lungs. My knee bounces in overdrive speed.
“I mean it,” he says, voice rough. “And yeah, it sounds cheesy or cliché, but some clichés are rooted in truth. You have burrowed under my skin. Fast. And I don’t want you out.”
I want to tell him to stop. That he’s making it worse. That he’s making itso hardto push him away.
All I manage is, “You’re exhausting.”
“That I am,” he replies, smiling. “That I am.”
I don’t know what scares me more—that I might be starting to believe him. Or that I already do and I’m denying it.
