Page 174 of Going Viral for Christmas
Ava’s been fighting against herself to believe in me. And inus.Now, I’ve given her Exhibit A for why she should’ve kept her walls up.
My heart aches. Ava’s in the other room, wondering if I’mexactlywhat she feared I was from the start.
I want to go to her. Crush every wall. Every defense. Tell her what happened, when it happened, why it never meant anything.Tell her about the texts from Lena. What Marcus said to do. And that I’m sorry. For all of it. For not telling her in the first place. Thatshe’sthe person who makes me a better man.
However, nothing is going to make it better right now. No amount of clever comebacks or toe-curling kisses or dreamy-boyfriend optics is going to fix it. Ava Bell finally let herself believe in someone. That someone wassupposed to be different.
I drag a hand through my hair, chest burning, reviewing the last thirty minutes in my mind.
And you know what? Fuck that.
Ava doesn’t get to hold my past sins against me. I’ve worked too damn hard to prove I’mnotthat man anymore. I’veshownher who I am now—over and over again.
Fuck her if she thinks I’m going to back down so easily.
I push through the door as though it’s on fire. Becauseit is. Ava’s pacing near the bed, arms wrapped around her waist. She’s trying to hold herself together with sheer force of will.
She spins when I enter, eyes blazing. “Get ou?—”
I don’t let her finish.
I kiss her.
Hard as fuck.
Desperate.
Furious.
She shoves me back instantly. “Don’tyoudare?—”
I throw my hand up when I say, “Yeah, I fucked Lena.Onetime. She left that part out onpurpose.She planted a seed of doubt in that gorgeous, brilliant, overthinking head of yours. Butyoudidn’t even let me explain. You didn’task.You decided I was exactly what you were afraid I’d be.”
Ava’s arms drop, her mouth opening. She wants to argue.
I don’t give her the chance. “You want honesty? I’ve already given it. Time and time again.”
She shakes her head, confused, defensive.
“From the moment I found your voice in those pages, Icouldn’tstop reading you. I devoured your entire backlist in a week. I saw the fire and hurt andhopein your words and it gutted me.Yougutted me.” I step closer. My voice softens. “I fell in love with you on the page before I ever met you in person. And maybe that’s weird. Maybe it’s crazy. But it’s true. You’ve held my heart in your hand since the first chapter ofThe Lumberjack’s Love Letters. Which is a stupid fucking title, by the way.”
She sucks in a breath, lips parting, but I hold up a hand.
“But here’s the thing, Bells. Youdemandhonesty. Loyalty. Trust.And youdeserveall of it. But if we’re doing this—if we’re going to be in an actual relationship—then you have to meet me halfway.”
One more inch.
I take another step, gaze unwavering. “You don’t get to preach vulnerability and then shut the door the second it gets scary. You don’t get to ask me to bare my soul while you hide behind your walls and your sarcasm and that cute little flinch you do every time shit gets real.”
She swallows hard. Her eyes glisten—but still, she doesn’t speak.
“I love that you’re strong, Bells. I love that you’ve protected yourself. But I am not the enemy. And if you’re going to keep treating me like the villain, this will never work.”
Her lip trembles.
“I love you,” I say, chest open, heart exposed, and with so much emotion, my soul aches. But it’s a welcome pain. I’ve been living with this secret for far too long. “I never imagined this would be the thing that made me tell you those very important words for the first time. But here we are. And I will not spend my life begging for a chance you’ve already decided I don’t deserve.”
Silence.
