Page 200 of Going Viral for Christmas
My hands find her hips. I yank her closer. “You think I can’t handle your fear? I can. Throw every insecurity you’ve got at me so I can knock them the hell down. Because I will.”
A thousand apologies swim in her eyes. “I’ve spent so long holding on to these trust issues—they’re a part of me, and I didn’t realize I was cutting myself on their jagged edges. But… I’m done. I’m handing them over to you now, Soren. Swing away. Shatter them. Please.I beg you.Just forgive me.”
My face falls. My heart sinks. “Oh, Bells, come here..” I guide her to the sofa, sit down, and ease Ava onto my lap. My arms lock her in. “You left your phone. Your wallet. Do you know how many gas station managers I bribed trying to find you?”
“Why gas stations?”
“I thought maybe you hitchhiked!”
She laughs at that. “Not exactly.”
“It’s not funny! I thought you were gone forever. Or DEAD!”
“I was...dealing. The only way I knew how.”
“Well, I’m sorry, Bells, but I can’t help but wonder—if you can leave once, what’s stopping you from doing it again?”
The tears on her lashes catch the light. “Soren…”
“No.” My voice falters, but I don’t let go. “I need you to hear me.”
She nods slowly.
“When you walked out,” I say, quiet and rough, “it wasn’t just a bad day for me. My mother left when I was a kid, Ava. One day she was there, the next day she was gone. Never came back. Do you know what that does to a child?”
Ava shakes her head no.
“It rewired me, made every goodbye feel like the last one. It made every knock at the door feel like hope, only to be severely disappointed.”
Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
“And my father was a joke as a dad, so I built my whole life around not needing anybody. I never wanted to be the little boy left standing on the porch, watching the taillights disappear, ever again. And then youshow up in my life, snowball to the face, fire on your tongue, photo booth sin—everything I didn’t know I needed. I let you in. I stayed. I proved myself every damn day. And you left.”
Her eyes squeeze shut.“I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t need sorry, Bells.” I brush a tear from her cheek with my thumb. “What I need is to know you’re not another person who’s going to prove I’m easy to walk away from.”
“I was scared,” she whispers, cheeks soaked with tears.
“I was scared too,” I rasp back. “Difference is, I stayed.”
Ava flinches at that. She twists to straddle me, her small hands gripping my biceps, anchoring herself to me. “I didn’t know how to stay. I thought if I disappeared, I’d save you the trouble. I was drowning in shame, in noise, in every whisper of a world waiting to judge me. My demons kept telling me I’d ruined everything. And the one thing I thought I could control was walking away first. Before you could.”
I swallow the stone that’s lodged in my throat. “You’re not saving me when you leave, Bells. You’rebreakingme.”
“I see that now.” Her voice trembles.
“You know it’s funny,” I say, tracing circles on her lower back. “When we first met, on that panel, you said: Sometimes the one who hurt you the most is the only one who can help you heal.” I huff a laugh. “You were right. You hurt me. And here you are.”
“I’m here because I don’t want to run anymore. Not from you. Or from what we have.”
My hand cups her cheek. “Then don’t, Bells. Stay. Let’s healtogether.”
She nods.
“If you ever do that again, I’ll follow—I’ll find you… In every city, whatever fucking crowd you try to hide in, and every single shadow you try to disappear into, until you finally understand there’s nowhere in this world you can go where you’re not mine. You are my fire and starlight, Bells, but I’m not built to be left in the dark anymore.”
She nods again, something like determination flashing through the tears. “I promise I’ll stay in the light with you.” For a beat, neither of us moves. Then Ava lifts her palm to my cheek. You, Soren Pembry, are the death of me.”
