Page 88 of Going Viral for Christmas
She tugs her sleeve down, needing armor. I can tell she regrets every second that just passed.
“I shouldn’t have—God, that was so stupid.”
“No.” I wait until her eyes meet mine. “That wasyouwanting something. And there’s nothing stupid about that.”
Ava’s expression shows me she doesn’t know how to process kindness from a man when it’s handed to her without conditions.
“I don’t know what came over me.” The cracks in her voice gut me.
“Neither do I,” I admit. “But I’m damn glad it happened.”
I scoot closer. She scoots back.
I take a breath. “I like you, Bells. I’m not here for the version of you that always has it together. I want the chaos, the contradictions, the impulse-control failures, and theoh shitmoments.” I pause, let it land.
Her eyes well slightly. She wipes the tears away fast.
“And that kiss?” A soft smile tugs at my lips. “Best moment of my life that I wasn’t prepared for.”
Ava’s chest rises and falls heavy with breath. “I—I can’t,” she whispers, eyes suddenly wide, voice raw.
The moment floats away into the cold night air as she slips out of the treehouse before I can say a word, leaving the ghost of her mouth on mine, her body on top of me, and the now familiar scent of cinnamon and cloves in the air.
Bells,
You’re right beside me. I could reach out and touch you. But I can’t do that. We’re “friends.” Nothing more.
You drew that line in the sand. And I’m trying to respect it, even though every breath I take feels like I’m choking on it.
Ever since this contract between us started, there have been nights I can’t sleep. It’s not the noise outside, or work, or stress, or headlines, or deadlines keepingme awake.
Nope.
I can’t sleep because my heart’s too full of you. Your voice, your laugh. The way you say things like they’re throwaways when they’re anything but.
And right now, I can’t sleep because the space beside me is cold, even though your stubborn warmth is right there. Despite anything that’s happened between us, you’re insisting this is fake while I’m falling harder every day.
For instance, take today. You showed me your world. You didn’t treat me like an outsider looking in, but someone who might belong there also.
That’s scarier than anything I’ve ever written.
Thanks to you, I can’t stop replaying what happened in the treehouse. Your lips met mine of their own volition. You gave in, for one delicious, glorious second before pulling away.
My heart’s recovering. Other parts... not so much.
After you went to bed, I stayed downstairs, couldn’t bring myself to climb into this bed and pretend like none of it happened. I waited until I knew you were asleep. Then I crept in like a coward, heart in my throat, hoping you’d shift toward me in your sleep. You haven’t.
Alas.
I’m not sure when I’ll have the courage to tell you all this, so for now, I’ll let the dark and this paper keep my secrets.
Love,
S
Fifteen
AVA
