Page 13 of Dirty Martini
“Oh, well, it’s cool! It’s like a mix of traditional and contemporary. Would you be interested in maybe coming to visit me while I’m there? Man, we’d have the greatest time. Mom and Dad would totally shell out for it. I can take you everywhere and we can hang out for, like, a week and?—”
I can’t do this. It’s too much. Too much pressure, too much hassle, too much expectancy. I cough and clear my throat, scratching the back of my neck as I look at him. “Elton?”
“Yeah?” he asks, his eyes bright as he stops his rambling and pauses halfway through color sorting my shoes. “You want to play some COD? The couch in the living room isn’t comfortable for shit, but I’ve got bean bag chairs in my room, and we could?—”
“I’m tired,” I blurt out, wincing when I see the way he crumbles in on himself. I tell myself to take it back. To accept hisinvitation. To just be fuckingnormal, but I can’t. “Can I maybe just take a nap?”
He hesitates, but then nods slowly as he puts down my sneakers. His head hangs low as he walks over to the door. After a second, he perks up, smile back in place as he bounces on his heels. “Yeah, totally. Dinner, though? I’ve actually gotten really good at cooking lately. I make a bomb-ass ratatouille?—”
“I’m not really hungry,” I say with a small shrug, the need to escape growing more and more urgent, thrumming through my veins, and pounding with each word I speak.
“Everest,” he says, suddenly serious as he steps back into my room. Dark eyebrows furrowed, he reaches me and places a hand on my shoulder. He opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it quickly. He thinks over his words before giving me a squeeze. “I love you, bro. You know that, right?”
I can’t seem to form any words, so I just nod. I think he’s expecting me to say it back, but it just won’t come out. I don’t know why, especially because all my life he’s been nothing but incredible. Still, the guilt and humiliation I’ve carried with me makes it impossible to say it back.
“I’m really tired,” I mutter, averting my gaze so I don’t see the way my disregard cuts through him.
He stays still, but after a second, lets me go. “Well, if you change your mind about COD or food, just text me, yeah?”
I nod once more but have no intention of doing either of those things. I hadn’t realized how sweaty my palms have gotten until I bring them up to run my hands down my face. Frustration, annoyance, disappointment—I’m feeling everything all at once and it’s soexhausting.
I look up when I hear a throat clear and my cheeks heat at Rhys, who stands by the door. He’s leaning against the frame, arms crossed over his chest, backward baseball cap nestled securely on his head.
He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. I know for a fact he heard that exchange because it’s written all over his face. I also don’t have to guess what he thinks about it because it’s loud as a war call. My breath hitches as the message is delivered loud and clear.
You fucking suck.
You’re a terrible brother.
I feel sorry he got saddled with you.
I quickly rush to my door, slamming it shut just as he turns his back to walk away. My chest heaves, breaths coming in short pants, eyes watering. I collapse onto my bed and curl into myself, tucking my knees against my chest as it all becomes too much. I try to calm down by letting my mind wander somewhere else.
Somewhere far away. Somewhere I’m playing lacrosse on a large field, the roaring of the crowd behind me. Somewhere in Europe with Elton. Somewhere happiness exists and peace can be found.
Somewhere I don’t hate myself as much as I do right now.
CHAPTER FIVE
Rhys
I lookdown the penthouse balcony, watching Elton’s BMW pull out of the underground parking lot and onto the busy street.
I know I’m going to be waiting impatiently for him to get back from his meeting with his internship advisor. I’m not usually this clingy, but I think I’d rather wait in the lobby of the College of Business versus doing what he’s asked me to.
I take a drag of my cigarette, already dreading the time I’m about to spend with Everest.Take him textbook shopping, Elton said.It’ll be fun!Fun, my ass. The anticipation of my first solo encounter with him is winding me up way too tightly, causing this to be my third cigarette of the morning. I was going to say no since I work later today, and I would have much rather preferred to just fuck around in my room and order takeout, but he’s a convincing fucker. He made a good point that with summer classes around the corner, if Everest doesn’t get his books now, he’s going to have a tough time finding copies.
And since I apparently can’t say no to anything Elton asks for, I caved and agreed I’d take him.
Fuck me.
I’ve been doing a good job so far at avoiding Everest at all costs. Not entirely impressive, considering I work at night andsleep through most of the day to make up for my nocturnal schedule. In the week he’s been living here, I’ve only seen him a handful of times. Thanks to the ensuite bathrooms and just general size of our penthouse, there’s not much running into to be done. If it weren’t for Eltonconstantlyreminding me of the promise I made him, I could almost pretend that Everest wasn’t living here.
Putting my cigarette out in the ashtray on the balcony, I check my watch, knowing that if Everest wants any chance of snagging his books, we need to start getting ready. I close the sliding glass door behind me and make my way to his room upstairs. Directly across from mine. I thought that would be an issue, but Everest has proven to be a homebody, at least when I’ve been home. I knock and wait a beat before he opens his door.
He’s all sleep-rumpled, hair in messy lines sticking up from his head, and a prominent pillow crease on his cheek. I swear there’s a hint of drool on the corner of his lip as he rubs his half-closed eyes with the back of his hand. For some fucked-up reason, I’m taken back to when we were younger. A flash of a six-year-old Everest asking to join mine and Elton’s sleepover flashes in my mind. A warm type of feeling fills my gut as he sleepily yawns and his lashes flutter against his cheeks, momentarily knocking me off kilter. It’s such a sudden and overwhelming wave of affection that consumes me, and I have to literally fight the urge to reach out and smooth his hair back.
Fuck. That.
