Page 52 of Dirty Martini
“Oh, screw you,” I try to joke, shoving his shoulder. When that doesn’t work and his gray eyes continue to bore into me, I huff. “It’s nothing.”
“Seriously?” He scoffs, this time shaking his head. “I’m a bouncer, Rhys. It’s my job to notice things. You’ve been walking around like someone shit in your cereal. We’ve all noticed, and it’s only gotten worse. What’s going on?”
Feeling a bit flustered that he’s called me out, I take a drink of my water and shrug. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
“Maybe not,” he concedes. “Just call me curious.”
I debate for a moment what to do. Besides Britt and Skylar having their suspicions, nobody knows about what’s going on with Everest. It’s not like I can run to Elton and tell him all about my spontaneous fascination with cock, or how much I love his brother’s ass, but Butch is safe. He’s a private guy, keeping mostly to himself, and usually tends to mind his own business. Plus, won’t it feel good to actually talk to someone about this? Maybe get some validation that what I’m doing isn’t completely batshit? Or someone who might be able to relate to this new discovery of mine?
“I’m…not as straight as I thought,” I begin, clearing my throat to hide the insecurity I feel admitting it. “There’s this guy?—”
“Everest.”
“What the hell?” I ask, rearing my head back. “How did you know?”
“We may not all be as smart as you, but we’re not dumb,” he snorts. “You don’t think the whole ‘punching’ incident kind of tipped me off?”
Well, when he puts it like that. “Yeah, okay. Not very smooth on my part.”
“So, what’s up with you two? You doing okay?” he asks, seeming genuinely interested as he takes a swig of his Coke. “How are you handling it?”
“I’m fine,” I say, and I completely mean it. “I’m not against the fact that I’m interested in men; it’s just that I’monlyinterested in one man.”
“What’s so wrong with that?”
“I hate him. He’s everything I despise and he?—”
I pause. Nobody knows about my past. They’ve all speculated as to how I ended up working at XOat eighteen, but I’ve never confirmed nor denied their suspicions. It’s not exactly a memory I’m fond of revisiting. I know these people well enough now to know that I won’t face any judgment, but the situation still stings, even years later. A sharp stab of humiliation hitting me at the way my life completely went off the rails.
“He what?” Butch presses after a moment where I don’t answer.
I roll my bottom lip into my mouth, swishing my water around. “Have you ever been hurt, Butch?”
He shrugs. “Depends what kind of hurt we’re talking about.”
“The kind that you never saw coming. That…turned your world up on its end. The type of hurt you can’t come back from.”
The type that changes who you are.
“Once or twice.” He leans back in his seat, brow furrowed. “What’d he do to you, kid?”
“He took my future away from me,” I say, eyes wandering to the table as heat rushes to my cheeks, shame and embarrassment pooling in my gut. “No, it’s more than that. After he did what he did…”
What Everest did hurt. Not only because it wrecked the person I was trying to become and the person I worked hard to be, but also because it wasEverestwho played a part in it. Itwasn’t even the fact that he ran away. Well, that’s a lie. It’s about that too, but my issues go far deeper.
I trusted him. I trusted the sweet kid to do the right thing. I trusted that bashful guy to know he could turn to me for anything. I gave him my trust—my loyalty—and he took it and shattered it, proving a point I’ve lived my life by since then.
You can’t trust anything.
“Have you tried moving past it?”
I snort. “Now you sound like Britt.”
“Shit, there’s worse you could have said. That woman’s smart as hell,” he laughs. Leaning forward, he claps his hand on my shoulder, cocking his head to the side. “So, you think you can just fuck away your problems with him?”
“It was working.”
“Until?”
