Page 44 of Dirty Martini
Jesus fucking Christ, was there even a point, or was it all just pure animalistic and carnal passion that led to me fucking him like I’ve never fucked anyone before?
And for fuck’s sake, he’s a man. I’d never been or thought of being with a man before him. How can I so easily throw away the sexual label I’d given myself all my life on a whim? Gay porn didn’t do it for me, Elton doesn’t either, so why does it have to behim?
My mind is all sorts of fucked up and every string I try to untangle just leads me further into the spider’s web. I’m trapped in this cycle of‘I want him, but I hate him.’I know I have to decide how I’m going to play this. I have to set the tone from here on out.
So, I tell my angry dick to behave, letting go of it quickly so as to not be tempted.
It will never happen again.
Rolling out of bed, I’m determined to see this newfound resolution through. It’ll be easy enough. Things can just go back to the way they were. Everest can fuck off as he pleases, and I can do my own shit. Nothing in my life has to change. No more surprises need to be in store for me.
I pull on my boxers and snag my pack of cigarettes from the nightstand, heading out to the balcony to smoke. I refuse to glance over at Everest’s room to see if his door is open. Heading down the stairs, it doesn’t sound like he’s awake yet. I think I’m in the clear, sneaking out onto the balcony and shutting the sliding glass door as quietly as I can. It’s huge out here, thestructure practically wrapped around the entire penthouse, and I take a seat in one of the cushy chairs right by the door. I light up, relishing the burn in my lungs, and tip my head back as I exhale. Things will be okay now. I got it out of my system and it’s over and done with.
“Can I have one?”
I freeze with the cigarette halfway to my lips. Jesus shit, of course he’s out here, because the universe can only fuck with me so much. I turn slowly, not letting him see how his presence has fazed me. Except, it’s like I’m hit by a bull when I see Everest for the first time since last night.
He’s barely dressed like I am, only in a pair of sweats, his hair damp as if he just got out of the shower. It isn’t his god-like body that traps me, though, but his face. There’s a vulnerable look of innocence that twists my insides and calls back to memories I’ve tried to push to the side. The shyness, the sweetness, the adoration I felt for someone who ended up betraying me.
“You smoke?” I question a bit harshly. He doesn’t waver, just simply shrugs. I bite my bottom lip, wondering how to play this, and decide to act casual. “Sure.”
He comes close enough so I can hand him a cigarette, sitting down beside me on the other chair. I go to hand him the lighter, but he surprises me. He’s always doing that. He leans in instead, so close I can see the blue flecks in his green eyes as he places the tip of his cigarette against mine, lighting it that way. He stays there for a second, challenging me with his stare, before pulling back.
“What are we doing, Rhys?” he asks after a moment, staring straight ahead into the skyline like he’s unbothered, but I can see the subtle tremble in his fingers as he brings his cigarette up for another drag.
I hold in the deep breath that wants to be let out. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” he parrots, raising an eyebrow with a humorless chuckle. “Last night wasn’t nothing.”
“Last night was a mistake,” I say, convinced that it has to be true. “You need to forget about it.”
“But what if I can’t?” Turning to me, he wastes his cigarette as he puts it out. “What if you can’t forget about it either?”
I don’t let him see that he might be right. He can’t be right. I need to be in control and he’s like the push I need to go over the edge. “I already have.”
He narrows his eyes, deadly fury in them. “That’s a lie.”
“Not lying,” I say calmly, turning my face back to the view in front of me. “Whether you want to believe it, Everest, one dip into that ass hasn’t made me whipped. You’re not the shit.”
“Am I not your baby either?”
I flinch. Fuck me for calling him that in the heat of the moment. In the moment when he looked so much likemine. Forbidden fruit I shouldn’t touch, knowing it would poison me. I hold my ground and refuse to answer him.
He doesn’t like that.
Before I even notice what he’s doing, he’s standing up and positioning himself in front of me. With a nervous gulp, he climbs on my lap, and I’m powerless to stop him. He’s straddling me and my cock immediately takes notice, thickening behind my boxers and leaving an obscene tent. He licks his lips and hesitates before wrapping his arms around my neck.
“Do you not want me anymore, Rhys?” he questions softly, mouth slightly open as he lowers himself onto my cock, and I hiss when he slowly drags his hips. “Am I not yours?”
It takes all of my self control to keep my hands firmly planted on the seat rest, but even though I can’t control my choppy breaths, I can control my words. But none come out. I don’t know what to say.
I called him mine. I claimed him. I’m confusing the hell out of myself because all those things remain true; I just don’t needhimknowing that. It’s too late, though. He knows. I spoke that shit into truth and now I’m suffering for it.
Suffering because I need to be inside him again. Suffering because I didn’t allow myself to kiss him last night, but that’s all I want to do. Suffering because I can’t remember who started this game we’re both simultaneously winning and losing.
“Honest truth,” he says, threading his hands through my hair and gripping the locks so tightly that I let out a sharp gasp. “The honest truth is that I want you, Rhys. I want last night to happen again. I don’t care that you hate me, and I don’t care that I hate you. I can’t explain what’s drawing me in, but…” He throws his head back when our cocks brush against each other, sending a shiver of pleasure through me. “But, Rhys, I know you want me too.”
“We can’t,” I grit out, but my hands latch onto him, helping the dirty roll of his hips. “Fuck off, Everest.”
