Page 88 of Whiskey Sour
“I was trying to build our future. It was real money they were offering. I wanted us to be safe and protected.”
To this, I scoff. “That’s bullshit.”
He raises his eyebrow in question, almost looking shockingly offended. “Excuse me?”
“You know why you did it. Whether you want to admit it to yourself is another thing entirely.”
Cassius doesnotdo things willy-nilly. There’s absolutely no part of him that’s impulsive and reckless. Every decision he makes serves a purpose, everything carefully weighed. It’s not me putting him on a pedestal this time; it’s just the way it is. He knows. There’s a reason he got himself in this mess. Him saying it was for money, when we get paid plenty, is a lie.
“Are we going to sit here and play twenty questions, or will you spit it out?” I ask, growing a bit irritated.
He closes his eyes and drops his head back against the couch. Cursing to himself, he drags his hand down his face before saying the words that nearly shatter me.
“It was because of you.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Cassius
I shouldn’t have saidthat.
Fuck, I really shouldn’t have, but now that the words are out there, I can’t take them back.
Skylar blinks at me repeatedly, almost as if he’s taking it all in and trying not to freak out. There are things he can’t hide, though. Like the tremble of his fingers as he retracts his hand to the way his lower lip begins to wobble. “Okay.”
“Shit, that makes it sound bad,” I say, reaching for him, only for him to keep his hands just out of my reach.
“I don’t think there’s any other way for it to sound.”
I close my eyes again and sigh. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m not dumb.”
It’s said so defensively that I snap my eyes open. He’s pissed now, brow furrowed and upper lip curled. “I know you’re not,” I rectify. Because I can’t help it, I squirm in my seat and reach for him again. “Can you come here, please.”
Although he’s upset, it looks like he debates it for a second. “You’re hurt.”
“It hurts me more to have you this far away,” I say honestly, hoping he can see the desperation in my eyes to have him close to me.
Nibbling on his bottom lip, he blessedly relents. As he scoots in, finally within reach, I snatch him up and drag him across my chest. It hurts like hell, and I can’t hide my wince, but I need him like this. I need him leaning on my chest, his tuft of pink hair just under my nose, his warm body safe and cradled against mine.
Because now I can breathe again.
“So, it was about me?” he asks after a second, giving in and tracing the sun tattoo on my chest.
I did say that, but it’s not entirely what I meant. Despite what Skylar thinks, I am human. Sometimes things just come out the way they aren’t meant to be taken, or I don’t choose my words carefully enough.
I lick my lips, more careful this time as I speak. “I liked the control it gave me. I liked the feeling of winning, especially when it was starting to feel like my life was one huge loss.”
He pulls back and frowns up at me. “Why would you say that?”
This is the part that’s going to hurt. Because even though I did this to satisfy the parts of me I’ve tried to repress, he was the root of it all at the end of the day. It might not be fair to put that on him, but I’m tired of lying. I was going to lie so easily, but it’s out there now. He doesn’t deserve to be coddled.
He deserves the truth.
So, with a deep breath, I say, “Because the love of my life was never going to feel the same way about me.”
It’s been such a long time coming. Iknowhe knows what I feel about him. Skylar might be a little oblivious, but there’s no room for confusion after what we shared last night. If there was, my love for him would truly be a hopeless case.
