Page 29 of French 75
“It was fucking amazing, okay!” I shout, the truth tumbling out before I can stop it. “The most amazing moment of my entire life. Feeling his tight body grinding against mine, his cock hard, knowing he came because of me?—”
“We don’t need the details. Save that for Elton,” Knox says. He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay, let’s rewind. How did this happen?”
“It’s your faults,” I argue, tossing my half-smoked cigarette onto the ground. “You’re the ones who riled him up. All that talk about his ex-boyfriends upset him and he needed me.”
“What he needed was a hug,” Rhys corrects. “What you two did was more than that.”
“Who started it?” Knox questions. “I feel like that matters, right?”
Honestly, I don’t know. Skylar just looked so sad, so needy, so willing. It’s like he wanted me in a way he never did before. I’ve always been there to comfort him, so maybe it was him who took from me. Maybe I took from him. Who fucking knows?
But I’ll give him anything. I’ll give and give and give until there’s nothing left of me.
Knox curses under his breath and points at me. “You were tired of us? I’m tired of this.”
Rhys takes a step forward, almost with legitimate fear. “Knox, don’t?—”
“Someone needs to say it!” Knox yells, killing his cigarette like he’s punishing it for existing. He walks up to me and grabs my shoulders. “Okay, listen to me, man. Enough is enough.”
I try to break out of his hold. It’s not violent, but I feel like I’m being scolded. “What do you mean?”
“You really don’t see it?” Knox chuckles humorlessly. “I’m sorry to be the one to say this to you, but he will never love you the way you want him to unless youdosomething.”
My back stiffens as I spit, “It’s not that easy.”
“Why?” Rhys asks, taking a calmer approach to this. “Why is it not that easy? You two are the closest people I’ve ever met. Why can’t you just tell him how you feel?”
Because it would ruin everything.
Rhys is right. Idoknow Skylar better than any living person knows another one. I know him better than I know myself, and I don’t mean that like a cliché. There are parts of me that are left undiscovered, but no part of Skylar is a mystery to me.
I know he’s insecure but doesn’t show it. I know he still itches to…do what’s supposed to be in the past. I know that our upbringing still haunts him. I know he looks for the best in people, to his own fault.
Just like I know he scares easily.
If he feels cornered or shocked, or like he has to make an important decision, he bolts. Not away, but within himself. He denies, denies, denies until he believes his own lies.
And knowing that his best friend in the world has been secretly in love with him for twelve years… Yeah, that wouldn’t end well.
Plus, if he did react badly, I’d have to face the possibility of not having him in my life at all. He’s such a kind person that the guilt of turning me down would tear him apart until we slowly withered away into nothing. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
“I know what you’ve been doing, Cass.” Rhys knocks me out of my daze. I raise an eyebrow, but gulp when he points to my bloody knuckles. “You’ve been fighting. I don’t know what Knox roped you into, but it isn’t healthy.”
“What? He was doing that shit way before me!” Knox argues. “How is this my fault?”
“I make my own decisions,” I petulantly say, feeling like this would be a good moment for a foot stomp. “Knox didn’t do anything.”
Knox drops his arms and sighs. “You’re not getting it. Youhaveto do something. What’s going to happen when Skylar finally meets a good guy? You know the odds. He can’t date assholes forever.”
I hold back a gasp because I’ve never considered that. Skylar has terrible taste—sorry to say—and I guess I always pictured him jumping from douchebag to douchebag before finally settling down with me. Because with me, everything would be forgiven and forgotten. All thoughts of anybody beforeuswould disappear.
But what if Knox is right? What if he meets someone nice and gentle and considerate? What if luck is finally on his side and the next guy is the right guy?
I start to panic. I can’t wait. I can’t… I have to do something. I can’t let Skylar meet someone who could actually give him a good life when I know I could give him thebestlife.
I have to fucking do something.
No matter what the risk.
