Page 79 of French 75
But my mind drifts.
Sex has never been like this before. I like my fucking to be something that gives me a release. Not just coming, but fading into nothingness. I like getting out of my own head. I like zoningout and just experiencing all the sensations. I don’t like it when I’m still able to think in coherent sentences. I want to get fucked to within an inch of my life.
So, why am I doing this now?
You know.
But I don’t. That’s the thing. I’m so…confused. Can someone have confusing clarity? Like the doors to a new world have opened, but it’s still so blurry?
“Sunshine,” he rasps, his thumb brushing against a particularly nasty scar on my hip. “It’s okay.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until he says this. I’m not sad, far from it, but untangling my emotions has always been a challenge for me. Just because I feel everything so vividly doesn’t mean that I always know what they mean.
“D-Do I have to say it?” I ask quietly as I rock myself on his cock. “Cassy, do I have to?”
I glance back at his face to see nothing but love in his expression. Not just love.Understanding. He shakes his head. “No. No, you don’t.”
“But you can feel it, right?” I ask, almost beg as I pick up my pace. Fully bouncing on his cock, I try to chase the feeling of flying. “Please, tell me you can.”
He nods as his breath hitches, his chest beneath my hand starting to tense with pleasure. “Yeah.”
Good. Now I don’t have to think. Now I can just feel.
But it’s not enough.
Fuck, why isn’t it enough?
I’m not losing myself the way I normally do. This is…better, somehow. This connection I feel with him runs so deep. Pieces I never thought to join come together in a beautiful mosaic pattern that glows in the darkness of the room.
I love him.
But it’s so much more than that, isn’t it?
I love him.
No, it’s not that.
I’m in l?—
Denial is cruel. I’ve been living in it. I’ve been… No, I just haven’t seen it. It’s not my fault. Still, I sob. I cry as his hand wraps around my cock, stroking me in time with every roll of my hips. I cry because a truth I didn’t know is revealed to me. Tears stream down my cheeks as my orgasm crests because I’ve been so stupid. I tremble with fear and pleasure because I can’t believe it’s taken this long.
Everything I know shifts.
Everything I denied comes to light.
Everything beautiful and painful and memorable and cruel washes over me.
Because I’m in love with my best friend.
My body jerks violently as I come, coating Cassius’s chest in my release. His hold on my hip tightens as he fucks up into me, his eyes blazing with so much more than lust. I curl into him, sobbing into his neck as he tries to be tender. Tipping my chin to rest on his chest, I brush my lips against his ear. “I’m sorry.”
“N-No,” he grunts, breaths coming out in sharp huffs as he keeps fucking me. “Don’t fucking apologize.”
“I didn’t know,” I cry as I push back in time so his hips meet my ass with every thrust. “I didn’t know.”
I didn’t know what it was like to feel this. I didn’t know that what I’ve always feltwasthis. I’m an idiot. The worst kind of person. My best friend’s tormentor for years.
Because, as he comes inside me, filling me with unbearable heat and pleasure, I know that he feels the same way too.
