Page 80 of French 75
Life is cruel and agonizing. Letting him feel what he has, letting me ignore it, letting it all fucking happen. Boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend, all when the one I truly loved suffered in silence.
He holds me as I cry until I feel dampness on the top of my head. We’re both shaking with exertion, bursting with emotion, and I don’t think I’ll ever leave behind this guilt.
But then he tips my chin up, dazzling blue eyes blazing with all the love he’s kept to himself, and I show him my understanding.
Unspoken.
Unsaid.
“I…” I trail off, because I’m not brave right now. It’s too much too soon. It’s frighteningly intense. “I’m sorry.”
He smooths my sweaty hair off my forehead and presses a gentle kiss there. “It’s okay. I know.”
I hope he does. I hope I showed him. I hope he understands.
That, in the past, even with every man who passed, I’ve always chosen him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Cassius
I’ve never wokenup like this.
Completely satisfied. Unbelievably happy. Incredibly relieved. It’s like every one of my limbs is a delicious liquid, melting into the bed, a harmony I’ve never known coursing through me. I don’t think anything could ever ruin this mood. The universe could shit on me for the rest of my life, but I’d still have last night.
The night I realized that my best friend is just as in love with me as I am him.
That’s what it had to be. There’s no possible explanation for what we shared. He didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. It was laced in the tender way he touched me, the sensual roll of his hips, and every sweet tear he shed.
I smile to myself, ready to wake up and greet the day—and him—with everything I have to offer. As I roll over to Skylar, I’m already looking forward to opening my eyes and embracing my new reality.
But he’s not there.
I sit up quickly. My heart stutters as I stare at the empty spot beside me. Touching the sheets, I note how cool they are, and start to panic. Skylarnevergets up before me. If you let him,he’ll happily sleep in forever and not crawl out from the bed. Thoughts I’d rather not think cross my mind. Now, I begin to doubt myself.
What if he regrets it?
What if it was just something I made up in my mind to be more than it was?
It can’t be. I refuse to believe it. Skylar is many things, but a liar isn’t one of them. He can’t hide his emotions for shit, and I saw them bleeding out of him in relentless and unmistakable waves.
On a hunch, I reach for my phone and am a mixture of relieved and wary when I see I have a missed message from him. Steeling myself, I open the message and relax a bit.
Sunshine: The prom squad and I have a meeting today!!!! I’ll be home soon!!! I love you!!!
The first thing that calms my racing heart is his excessive use of exclamation points. It’s not sarcastic or suspicious at all. You know Skylar is upset when he uses very pointed periods. I go to call him to make sure things really are okay because, while I understand he has plans, I am a little hurt he left without saying anything. My phone rings instead, Knox’s name lighting up the screen. Reluctantly, I answer. “Hey, man. What’s up? You know it’s, like, seven a.m., right?”
He grunts on the other end of the line.“My husband ditched me for Rhys. I’m bored as fuck. You wanna hang out today?”
I snort at that. For all that Knox wants to swear he doesn’t need anyone, he’s surprisingly needy. “Sure. You gotta give me some time to get alive, though. It’s early as fuck.”
“No problem. But I want to go to that Venezuelan place for breakfast, so hurry up.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine.”
He pauses.“What’s up with you?”
“What do you mean?”
