Page 83 of French 75
Butch sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose. “We just don’t know what to tell you. I’m happy you finally realized it, but I don’t understand what the problem is now.”
“The problem is that this could change everything,” I admit.
It could ruin everything too. What Cassius and I have has always been special to me. Essential. Maybe it’s a touch codependent—the way I rely on him so much—but I need him. It’s not that I can’t imagine life without him, I just refuse to. A world without Cassius is a world of darkness and pain. No comfort. No sanity. No love.
A world I don’t think I’d fit into very well.
“You really love him like that?” Max asks.
I nod. I could have tricked myself last night to believe it was just the moment, but in the light of day, I can’t deny the truth. “Yes.”
“You have to go for it, then,” Everest says. “I tried to ignore my feelings for Rhys at first, but I couldn’t stop them. The truth will come out, eventually.”
“And love like that doesn’t happen often,” Butch mutters, almost sounding resigned and far more emotional than I’ve everheard him. “It’s not always going to be there just waiting for you, you know. With time, without nurturing, it’ll fade.”
“Woah,” Max breathes out, his eyes wide as he stares at him. “That was deep, bro.”
Butch narrows his eyes. “Shut up.”
Everest speaks up. “You should take the chance. But you’re the only one who can come to that decision. What’s the worst that can happen?”
I bite down hard on my bottom lip. “What if he realizes…”
Cassius has seen me at my best and at my worst, but maybe that’s a blessing and a curse. He knows what I go through, knows what I’vedone, but what if he realizes that I’m too much to handle. That all the things he’s been through with me have left me someone unworthy of love.
“Skylar, I’ve noticed…” Everest clears his throat, almost like he’s not sure how to proceed. “Well, I know I’m not the smartest, but?—”
Max frowns and pounds his fist against his chest. “Self-love, bro.”
“Agreed,” Butch says with a curt nod.
Everest flushes before continuing. “I’ve noticed your…”
He doesn’t have to say it and neither do the others. We all know what they’re talking about. Still, I tug the sleeves of my cardigan farther down. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry to bring it up, but it’s just because I’m worried,” he explains. “Do you maybe think that there are some things you have to work through?”
I cock my head. “Like what?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t want to guess,” he says. “But I struggle with anxiety and feelings of self-worth. Therapy has taught me a lot, you know?”
My eyes widen. “Are you saying I need help?”
“I don’t think so,” Max says, looking particularly intrigued. “I think maybe therapy is for everyone. Just to have someone to talk to. If you’re having a hard time dealing with what you found out, it might be good.”
I nod slowly. “I think I’m too messed up for that.”
“You’re proving their point,” Butch deadpans. “But I’m not in the business of telling people what to do.”
I think about it, because I’ve never considered that before. I always just go to Cassius when things are bothering me, or don’t say anything at all. Today, I turned to the prom squad, but that was just a fluke. I don’t have issues to deal with, though. I’m?—
Worthless.
Pathetic.
Useless.
Unworthy.
