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“I’m proud of you for that,” she says with a smile.
“Thank you. I’m proud of me too.” I’m genuine about that. I’ve really come a long way, but there are still some things I could work on.
“How do you think these experiences from your past are affecting your present?” she questions.
I wrinkle my nose. “What do you mean?”
“When we did your initial session, you said you wanted to move on from that past. I want you to try to think deeply about things that are or have happened in the last year that have been influenced by the way you grew up.”
I guess… I guess there are signs. Maybe some things that I doareinfluenced by it. I try to think about why I do things the way I do and what the things are that bother me. Before Cassius and I started our ‘build a boyfriend’ list, my biggest issue was keeping a guy. Not just keeping them, but them choosing me. I alwayswent for the assholes who treated me like shit, and maybe that’s because I didn’t think I was worth much.
So, I tried my hardest tomakepeople care about me. To be extra nice, extra cute, extra helpful. I chased the approval of guy after guy so that I could feel wanted. I blindly ignored the one person who’s always loved me in favor of seeking out those who didn’t really want me. Maybe it was to prove something to myself.
“What are you thinking?” she asks.
“I think I was really unfair to Cassius,” I admit. “He was always there for me, always wanted me, and I treated him like shit. I didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I did.”
“I can understand where you’re coming from, but you didn’t know. You’re not malicious, Skylar. You wouldn’t have done all those things if you knew.”
“Absolutely not.”
“So, cut yourself some slack.”
“Okay, I can do that.” I nibble on my bottom lip as an idea comes to me. “I want to do something special for him. Just to show him how much I love and appreciate him. I think he needs that. He deserves that.”
“I think that’s a lovely idea.” She glances at the clock beside me and smiles softly. “We’re out of time today, unfortunately. Will I see you next week? Same time?”
I nod enthusiastically. Therapy is kind of freaking awesome. “Of course. Maybe we can talk about some other things, or I can tell you how it goes for me this week.”
“I’d like that.”
She bids me a goodbye, and I leave her office in a terrific mood. I know we might not have talked abouteverythingtoday, but it feels like progress. Like I know myself a little bit betterthan I did when I first walked in today. I think that’s all that matters.
I think about Cassius and how he helped me get here by always reflecting my worth in his eyes. He was my anchor when I needed him, but I think, with some time, I might be able to stand on my own two feet.
But I want him at my side to walk alongside me.
So, I’m going to make that happen.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Cassius
All I hear are hushedwhispers behind the stage curtain.
My brow furrows, and I slide off my headphones, walking toward the edge of the stage. I reach out and part the curtain, wondering what the fuck is going on, and I let out a full belly laugh when I see what’s on the other side.
It’s the entire XO crew—Rhys, Knox, Elton, Butch, Max—and even Everest is here. They’re all dressed up in matching tuxes, all holding bouquets of yellow roses. Half of them look happy as hell to be here, while the other half look like they’d rather be buried in quicksand.
“What the fuck?” I ask through a disbelieving chuckle, gesturing at them all. “What’s going on?”
“I’m not fucking doing it,” Knox snaps, looking pointedly at Elton.
Elton, still keeping his dazzling smile, elbows his husband. “Yes, you are.”
“If he isn’t, then I’m not,” Rhys grumbles, then groans when Everest gives him the biggest puppy-dog eyes on the planet.
Butch rolls his eyes, squeezing his bouquet so tightly that a rose snaps in half. “Fuck me.”
