Page 6 of Two for Holding
That night after Crowler saw his hookup, Jax hadn’t slept, tossing and turning, terrified his new captain had caught him out after only a few weeks on the team.It was stupid of him to invite a guy to his hotel room; he knew as much before he did it.He’d known since the day he got traded in the first place, after his agent told him management in Philly wasn’t interested in the sustained PR risk his behavior courted after Jax had gone to them about a potential scandal.
It’s one thing to have the first out player, Matt had said on the phone.
Jax had corrected him, as always, but it didn’t matter.
Sorry, out NHL player.You know no one cares about some kid in the minor leagues though.Anyway, it’s another thing to have a player who’s banging a different guy in every city.Family values, you know?
Family values—the first thing Jax associated with a league full of homophobes and racists who regularly sent one another hurtling into the boards headfirst for the entertainment of the masses.Somehow, he doubted Philly would have been thrilled to keep him even if he had managed to scrounge up a cute, family-appropriate boyfriend.The kind of guy they pointed the kiss cam at during Pride Nights.Some dude who wore a lot of plaid and parted his hair to the side and passed as straight except for when he pressed a single chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek.
Just imagining their fictitious relationship bored Jax to tears.
Maybe if he’d found a girlfriend, Philly would have kept him.Some girl who wouldn’t mind pretending for the money.He knew there were women out there who did that kind of thing, but the thought soured his stomach too much.
So did the heavy-handed hint from his agent about toning it down on the new team.Jax had never toned down a single thing, not his style, not his sense of humor, not any aspect of being Jaxon Grant, and the league lapped it up.Sure, he wasn’t out.No one was.But to be told unmistakably, albeit obliquely, to hide his sexuality made him want to throw things.
It also made him realize he’d never expected to staynotout forever.Jax wasn’t meant for subterfuge.He was meant to be himself, loudly and unapologetically.
For the same reason, Captain Tom Crowler treating him with kid gloves instead of telling Jax what his problem was made Jax want to scream.
When the third game day of their homestead after Edmonton dawned, and Crowler smiled and nodded at him when he arrived for morning skate, Jax decided he’d had enough.
“You don’t have to be nice to me,” he said.
They weren’t alone.Easton and Breezy ran drills with the defensive coach on the far side of the ice, but Jaxhadchecked whether he’d be heard by anyone but Crowler before he spoke.
Not trusting Jax’s judgment as per usual, Crowler yanked his head around to check for listeners so fast he almost tripped over his own skates.“I’m not—it’s not—”
“Seriously.You don’t like me; you don’t like what I do in my spare time; it’s fine.As long as you’re not ratting me out, I can deal with it.Whatever you’re trying to do now is freaking me out though.”
“I’m not trying to do anything, and I’m not a homophobe.And keep your voice down.”
Jax stared at him.Did he realize how ridiculous those two sentences sounded one after the other?
“If you don’t want me to rat you out,” Tom said, “don’t rat yourself out by mentioning it in team spaces all the time.”
“All right, fine.”Jax could concede the point at least.“But stop with the good mornings and the—the banana shit.It’s freaking me out.”
“It’s been brought to my attention that it’s not very captainly of me to ignore you.”
“You ignore everyone who hasn’t been on this team a million years.”
“I do not!”
Jax raised his eyebrows.“Really.When’s the last time you talked to Howie?Or Mooney?”
“Mooney?”
Jax couldn’t have stopped the smug smile if he tried.He loved being right.“Diego.You know, Lunes?Moon?Mooney.”
“I didn’t know he had a nickname yet.”
“If you talked to him, you would.”
Crowler gave him a long, assessing look.“Okay,” he said.“So what have I missed?”
“Huh?”
“You’re right.I don’t talk to the rookies enough.They gave me theCbecause I get a lot of points, not because I’m great with people.You have anA.You’re supposed to help me not fuck up.”
