Page 49 of Two for Holding
“Why did you?”
Howie swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing visibly.“I, uh…I dunno.Luca’s supposed to be the new guy, but he’s all…suave and confident.Everyone treats him as if he’s part of the team for good already.I guess it made me…jealous.”
At least he knew.
Taking a page out of Jax’s book of blunt honesty, Tom asked, “Do you hate gay people?”
“No!”Howie considered.“I mean, I don’t know any, but I’ve been doing some research ever since, and I swear I get why it was so shitty and why some people think it’s a slur.And I know there’s more to it.I made a list of stuff to look into later.”
“When you say words like that as insults, you make it sound as if you do hate gay people.”Tom winced.Here he was, pretending what Howie had said hadn’t hurt him on a deeply personal level he’d never shared with the team, acting as though he knew so much better.In a way, he did; he’d never resorted to slurs or hateful language.But in so many other ways, he wasn’t much different than a scared teenager.
“I know,” Howie said miserably.“And I’m sorry.I really am.”
Again, Tom lied.“It’s not me you should be apologizing to.”
Howie nodded and looked away.
Tom could leave it there, but the truths he hadn’t shared itched under his skin, forcing him to keep going.He might not be able to tell Howie the truth, but he could give him something honest.
“Look, Howie.Hockey players…we do a lot of chirping about a lot of things, and that isn’t okay.”
“You never do.”
Tom smiled.“I try.I’m a lot older than you, and I’m the captain.I have responsibilities.But I’m sure you’ve heard slurs thrown around in locker rooms your whole life.”
“Yeah.”
“And your style, the way you play, getting under people’s skin…it’s easy to do it with that kind of word.”
“Yeah.”Howie still wouldn’t look at him.
“If I wanted to get under your skin, you know what I’d say?”
Finally, Howie peered up from under the curls falling across his forehead, confusion written across every inch of his face.
“I’d tell you to invest in some skincare products for those pimples.”Tom flicked at Howie’s cheek.
Howie ducked away, utterly outraged.“Cap!”
“Sensitive subject for you, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Mm-hmm.And how much more would it throw you off your game if I saidthatto you on the ice than if I threw slurs at you?”
An expression of pure glee stole across Howie’s face.“I think I should start looking up every embarrassing thing the Toronto Huskies have ever said online.”
“Attaboy.”
Finally, Howie smiled properly at Tom.“Thanks, Cap.And I really am sorry.”
“I know you are.Next time, think about who you’re trying to insult and why.When you use homophobic language, the person you’re hurting most is the innocent bystander who actually is gay and too scared to say anything.”
Howie went quiet and pensive.For a moment, Tom thought he’d overplayed his hand, revealed too much.Sweat broke out on the back of his neck and cooled immediately in the recycled plane air.
Howie said, “I don’t want to be a bad person.”
Tom breathed an internal sigh of relief.“Leave the agitating on the ice.And remember, hockey players are stupid enough all on their own.You don’t need to use slurs.”
