Page 56 of Two for Holding
“Well, I always kinda thought your interviews were awesome.You just say whatever.Made it feel like you didn’t care what people thought about you.”
Jax swallowed.If he really didn’t care, he’d have come out years ago.He wouldn’t be so miserable every time someone mentioned Philadelphia.The sting of rejection was so sharp, and he hadn’t even enjoyed living there half the year, with the unbearable muggy summers making training camp awful.
But he had to concede Tyson’s point.If he’d had any impulse control, he wouldn’t have spent two evenings in a row kissing Tom until he got so hard he could barely see straight, and he wouldn’t still be desperate for more despite knowing Tom didn’t want that with him.Tom needed someone who would keep his secrets, not someone liable to lose his shit and spout off at the mouth.
Tyson was right about him.
Philadelphia was right about him.He was a liability.
“So what if you’re impulsive or whatever?”Breezy said, barreling on.“You’re, like, real.”
Jax snorted.If only Breezy knew how real he wasn’t.Better to get off this topic before Jax lost his mind and started telling him truths he couldn’t take back.“What did you want to talk about?”
“I think we need to do something as a team.”
Jax opened his messages and showed Breezy the team chat.“Thanksgiving at Phil’s house for everyone who’s not going home.”He’d seen the message last night, before Tom came over, and figured he’d stay home and sulk.But if it was important for team unity or whatever, he supposed he could make an appearance.They did have three full days off with only weights and light practices scheduled, a concession after the Montreal-Toronto back-to-back.
“Yeah, I mean, that’s good and all, but I thought…” Breezy sighed and shifted in his seat.“I think we shoulddosomething.”
“What, one of those team-building courses?I am not doing trust falls with you fuckers.Especially not on skates.”
“No!I mean, like…charity.”
Surprised, Jax looked directly at Breezy, which was his first mistake.For all he was an absolute tank of a defenseman, Breezy had the biggest, brownest puppy dog eyes Jax had ever seen.Coupled with the thought he’d put into this, Jax crumbled like cheap drywall.“Okay, hit me.”
“Okay.”Breezy cleared his throat and sat up straight.“So, what happened in the locker room in Montreal was shitty.And dumb, and wrong.And Howie’s apologized to us all, but I mean, Howie’s a kid.”
Howie was all of three years younger than Breezy.
“But Hayes hasn’t said anything,” Breezy continued.“And we all started hearing this shit in the room when we’re about twelve, right?”
Jax nodded wordlessly.
“So, now that we’re in the NHL, and we’ve actually made it, I think we should do better.And also help other people do better.”
A burning sensation stung in Jax’s nose and behind his eyes.“Yeah,” he said roughly.“That would be…that would be good.”
“Right, so, um…I know it’s kind of vague so far, but—”
“You’re right.You’re so right.And wecando better.We’re the fucking San Francisco Sea Lions.There’s so many charities for gay rights literally on our doorstep.”
“Oh, yeah.”Breezy scratched his head.“I almost forgot.You know, my mom was super worried when I got drafted to the Sea Lions.I think she thinks the Castro is a den of iniquity or something.She kept going on about what if some beautiful Asian-American ‘transsexual’ seduced me or something.”He used air quotes around his mother’s words, but frankly, there weren’t enough air quotes in the world.
A snort of extremely undignified laughter escaped Jax.“Yikes.”
“I know, right!”Breezy grinned.“I told her it’s transgender now.And also, that I would only fall for Italian dudes.”
“Only you, Breezy.”Jax patted him on the shoulder.“I should take you to a drag show.They would eat you alive.”
“What?”Breezy’s eyes went wide and scared.
“Uh, nothing,” Jax said, attempting to emulate a person who had never been to a drag show.“You were right.This is a really good idea.”
A broad smile spread across Breezy’s face.“Wow.I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.”
Jax spent the rest of the flight buried in his phone, looking up charities and sending emails.It was far more rewarding than his original plan of deep-diving the comments on Tyson’s interview.Halfway through the trip, he switched to sit next to Kayleigh to talk over what he’d found so far.She supported the idea enthusiastically.
“Honestly it’s a relief,” she told him as they narrowed down the possible charities.“I’m running out of ideas for new content I can do with you guys, and it’s only November.Every time I get Tom in front of a camera, I feel like he’s about to run away.And then I watch the footage, and I wish he had.”
