Page 97 of Two for Holding
“I’ve been thinking about it,” Jax said.“What if I don’t need to?”
“But you do.We talked about—”
“No, I mean…” Jax flipped his hand upside down so he could lace his fingers through Tom’s.“I mean, what if I don’t need to tell people outright?What if I could just…do my thing?Date a guy.Be in a relationship.And not worry about getting caught.”
“You mean…”
“I mean, there’s a middle ground between me telling the press I’m gay and staying in the closet forever.”
Tom considered.
“It would be risky,” Jax added.“There’s every chance I could get caught taking…my guy out to lunch or whatever.But I don’t actually owe the press or even the team advance warning if I want to go out for lunch, or stay the night, or take a guy home to meet my parents.”
“You do?I mean…” Tom backtracked, flustered.“I mean, if you mean me.”
Finally, finally, Jax turned to look at him properly.“OfcourseI mean you, Tom.I’ve never felt this way about anyone.Until I met you, I thought I’d be happy hooking up on the down-low for however long I was in the NHL, and then I fell for you and realized I’ve never been anywhere near as happy as you make me.”
The words were a warm bath, subsuming Tom in peace.“I’ve been thinking too.”
“Yeah?”
“Phil told me I would never treat anyone else the way I’ve been treating myself.”
“You told him?”
“Yeah.”
Jax lifted Tom’s hand and kissed the back of it.Tom let his eyes slide closed.He had to get this out before he lost the ability to talk.
“I think he was right.I think you were right.I want more than what I’ve let myself have.I want you.”
“Even if we get caught?”
Tom opened his eyes again.“It’s not getting caught if we’re not doing anything wrong.We wouldn’t…we wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.”
A smile spread across Jax’s face like the sun coming out after a long winter.“You believe that, huh?”
“Yeah.”Tom rested his forehead against Jax’s.“I think I finally do.”
Jax dipped down to kiss him.They’d never shared a kiss so sweet, soft, intimate, and, for the first time, hopeful.
It was entirely Tom’s fault when things escalated.He put a hand on Jax’s shoulder and encountered only warm skin, and it made him lose his mind a little.The next thing he knew, he was tugging on Jax’s hair, with Jax moaning into his mouth, and Tom wondered if they would still not be doing anything wrong if he got onto his knees right there in the locker room.
Tentatively, someone cleared their throat behind Tom.
They jumped apart.
“So, uh,” Breezy said loudly from the showers.“If anyone was wondering, I’m still here.In the showers.Having a shower.I’m done now though, so I might be heading into the locker room any minute.In case that might affect what anyone’s…doing there.Yeah.”
Jax rested his face in his hands.“Oh my God,” he said, muffled between his fingers.
“You can come in, Breezy.”Tom tugged Jax’s hand back into his own, where it belonged.
“And if I did hear anything, which I definitely didn’t, I sure wouldn’t tell anyone about it,” Breezy added, beelining for his stall, making eye contact with no one.“Should I, uh, be telling the guys you two won’t make it?”
Tom glanced at Jax.Jax wobbled his head from side to side, as if weighing the options.On the one hand, they weren’t doing anything wrong.On the other, the team had finally come out strong after weeks of inconsistency.They could wait a while to be alone for the good of the team.The drive to the Marina took about half an hour, and they’d need to stay at least two hours before trekking back to Palo Alto, another forty-five minutes.
Three and a half hours.
