Page 62 of Return to Sender
His patterns pulse brighter, shifting toward the deep blue that indicates profound emotional satisfaction. “Your assessment is... extremely gratifying.”
“My assessment,” I laugh, “is that we’re both disgustingly happy and probably making AXIS nauseous with our contentment.”
“AXIS has expressed satisfaction with our ‘optimal partnership parameters,’” Wi’kar informs me solemnly. “Though it did recommend that we consider soundproofing upgrades for the quarters.”
“AXIS recommended soundproofing?” I sputter. “Our AI is giving us advice about our sex life?”
“AXIS is concerned about the potential impact of our... activities on neighboring vessel occupants during docking procedures,” Wi’kar explains with characteristic precision. “It appears our quality assurance sessions have generated noise complaints from adjacent ships on seventeen separate occasions.”
I stare at him in horror and amusement. “Seventeen complaints? Why didn’t you tell me we were being that loud?”
“I found the evidence of your satisfaction... extremely motivating,” he admits, his patterns pulsing with what I now recognize as masculine pride. “The knowledge that I could affect you so profoundly was... gratifying.”
“Gratifying,” I repeat, torn between embarrassment and amusement. “My prim, proper, professional husband gets off on making me scream.”
The golden patterns flare brighter, and I catch the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth that passes for a smug grin in Wi’kar’s emotional range. “Your responses are... highly encouraging for my self-esteem.”
“Your self-esteem,” I snort. “As if you needed any encouragement in that department. You’re already the most competent person I’ve ever met.”
“Competence in professional matters does not necessarily translate to confidence in... intimate circumstances,” he points out reasonably. “Your enthusiastic feedback has been extremely valuable for my learning curve.”
“Learning curve,” I echo with growing amusement. “You’ve turned our sex life into a training program.”
“I prefer to think of it as ongoing professional development,” he corrects with perfect seriousness. “With exceptionally positive performance metrics.”
I dissolve into laughter, burying my face against his chest where the golden patterns pulse with warmth and satisfaction. “Only you could make sexual education sound like a corporate improvement initiative.”
“Would you prefer different terminology?” he asks, genuine curiosity in his voice.
“I prefer you exactly as you are,” I assure him, pressing a kiss to the center of his chest where the patterns are brightest. “My precise, methodical, secretly romantic husband who analyzes everything including his own happiness.”
“Analysis leads to optimization,” he points out. “And optimization leads to improved outcomes.”
“Such as the discovery that you respond most favorably to morning intimacy when I provide stimulant beverages first,” he explains seriously. “Or that your stress levels decrease significantly when I organize your research materials without commenting on your... creative filing system.”
“You’ve been studying me,” I realize with wonder and slight concern.
“I have been learning you,” he corrects gently. “Understanding your preferences, your needs, your patterns of behavior. It’s the most fascinating research project I’ve ever undertaken.”
The simple honesty of it makes my chest warm with affection and a tiny bit of amazement that this incredible man chose me, chose us, chose this chaotic and wonderful life we’ve built together.
“Well,” I say finally, settling more comfortably against his side, “your research has definitely yielded some impressive practical applications.”
“The practical applications have exceeded all projected parameters,” he agrees solemnly. “I believe we can confidently declare this research program a complete success.”
“Complete?” I question with mock alarm. “Does that mean you’re done studying me?”
The golden patterns pulse brighter, and he presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I anticipate this research will require... ongoing investigation. Possibly for several decades.”
“Several decades of quality assurance and performance optimization,” I muse contentedly. “I can live with that.”
“Excellent,” he murmurs against my hair. “Because I have already identified several areas for expanded research focus.”
“Such as?” I ask, though I’m pretty sure I know where this is heading.
“Such as the cultural compatibility requirements for our upcoming Joid'oria Prime assignment,” he explains with perfectly innocent precision. “The mission briefing indicates we may need to participate in traditional bonding ceremonies that require... demonstration of partnership harmony.”
I lift my head to look at him suspiciously. “Demonstration of partnership harmony? What exactly does that involve?”
