Page 178 of Ruthless Chaos
Her voice doesn’t sound the way it should. Or maybe I’m not hearing the way I should, I can’t be sure.
I nod. Even though I’m not one to bend to ultimatums, I only care about getting her to speak. “Whatever you want. Go ahead.”
Alize meets my eyes finally, but they’re cold and unreadable.
She looks soulless and it makes my chest tighten. “What do I mean to you?”
At first, I think my ears are fooling me. I expected an earth-shattering question, not one that sounds like we’re in sixth grade on the playground during recess.
I narrow my eyes at her. “What?”
“You heard me,” she says. “What do I mean to you?”
I let go of her arm and take a few steps away from her.
The feelings explode inside me. My chest starts to heat up, my heart is pounding so fast it might as well be a single beat. My nostrils flare, and I glare at her.
“You’ve got to be fucking joking right now,” I say, laughing humorlessly. This is a joke. It must be. I kick the blade on the floor. “You sat in here and carved yourself up like a fucking Cornish Hen just to ask me what you mean to me?”
I clench my fists and Alize’s eyes tighten.
She rips a towel from the rack nearby and wraps it around herself. She tries to push past me into the bedroom, but I don’t let her. I stop her by standing in the doorframe.
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” I hiss.
She looks up at me vacantly. “You can’t answer because you know I don’t mean anything to you. You don’t even want to define our relationship.”
Her words feel like a slap in the face.
Love always brings death.
But she does mean something to me.
I’ve protected her at every turn and I made her my Courtesan—claimed her in front of the entire school, something I have never and would have never done if it weren’tfor her. Isn’t that proof enough?
I finger the pendant hanging around her neck. “You mean a lot to me, Alize. You’re mine. This proves it. When did you start caring about labels?” The words sound stupid coming out of my mouth.
What does she want me to say?
She shakes her head, stepping back so that the pendant slips out of my fingers. “I’m yours?” She mocks my voice in a low, mirthless tone. She clenches her fists, her eyes wet. The first sign of emotion she’s shown since we’ve started talking. “Is that all you can ever say? That means nothing if you won’t tell me what I mean to you.” She hisses the words. “It makes me no different from any girl you’ve ever had sex with, it makes me no different from Cassidy.”
Ah, there it is.
Of course, this would be about Cassidy. Of course, Alize has a meltdown the very day she has to spend an extended period of time with that bitch.
I run my fingers through my hair.
“I’ve proven how I feel about you,” I say. Honestly, what more does she want? None of this makes any sense to me. “Why do you need me to tell you?”
A single tear rolls down her cheek.
“Why?” she screams, taking a sudden step toward me. “Because you mean the whole fucking world to me Alexander, and I meannothingto you! I’m just one tiny slice of your life. I’m just one of the many experiences you’ve had. Will have.” She takes a breath that makes her shoulders shake.
Her words, her anger stuns me.
Just a few hours ago, everything was perfect. What did Cassidy say to her?
“I don’t want a relationship,” I say, my lips trembling. “I want you. I shouldn’t have to tell you what you mean to me for you to think you’re important to me. I prove it in what I do.”
