Page 42 of If She Remembered
"What kind of pills?"Kate asked.
"Potassium chloride mixed with a fast-acting sedative," Margaret replied, as if she were discussing fabric samples."I purchased empty gelatin capsules online and filled them myself.The potassium chloride causes cardiac arrest, while the sedative ensures the victim loses consciousness quickly and doesn't suffer."
DeMarco typed notes quickly out on her phone while Margaret spoke, her fingers little more than a blur."How did you gain access to their medications?"
"It was quite simple, actually.During my consultations, I would excuse myself to use the bathroom or get something from my van.While they were distracted by fabric samples or paint chips, I would find their prescription bottles and add two or three of my pills to each container."
Kate studied Margaret's expression, looking for any sign of remorse or emotional distress.Instead, she saw only the clinical detachment of someone discussing a professional project.
"Why those specific victims?"Kate asked.
"They all fit the picture I was looking for…the right kind of people," Margaret said."Empty-nesters who had recently welcomed adult children back home.Parents who were struggling with anxiety about their family situations, who were taking medication to cope with the stress of trying to help children who couldn't help themselves."
"Okay, but that doesn’t explain—" DeMarco started, but Margaret quickly interrupted her.
"They needed to be saved.They didn't understand what they were setting themselves up for, what kind of heartbreak was waiting for them down the road."
"What heartbreak?"DeMarco asked.
"The inevitable disappointment.The watching and waiting and hoping, only to realize that love isn't enough to fix what's broken.The slow destruction of…" She stopped her, and a tear came trailing down her cheek.She wiped it away at once, as if it burned."The destruction of believing that this time would be different, that support and encouragement would finally be enough to turn everything around."
Kate felt a chill at the conviction in Margaret's voice."You believed you were helping them?"
"Iwashelping them.I was preserving the love and hope before it could turn into resentment and enabling.They would never have to experience the moment when they realized their children couldn't be saved, when they understood that all their sacrifice and support had been wasted."
The psychological framework was becoming clear to Kate.Margaret had developed a delusional system in which killing loving parents was an act of mercy, sparing them from the emotional pain she believed was inevitable.
"Margaret," Kate said gently, "tell me about your daughter."
The change in Margaret's demeanor was immediate and dramatic.Her composed facade cracked, and for the first time since entering the room, her eyes filled with tears.There would be much more than the single one that had escaped several seconds ago.
"Sarah," she whispered, her voice breaking on the name.
"What happened to Sarah?"Kate asked.
Margaret's hands began to shake as she lifted them to wipe at her eyes.She looked to Kate as if she'd been tricked, as if Kate had no business knowing about her daughter."She was supposed to come home.She'd broken up with her boyfriend, this terrible man who treated her horribly, controlled her, and isolated her from her family.When she finally found the courage to leave him, she called me and said she wanted to come home for a while, just until she could get back on her feet."
"When was this?"
"About six months back.May 14th.She was supposed to drive over that evening after work, bring some of her things, and stay in her old room."Margaret's voice grew thick with grief."I was so excited.I cleaned her room, bought groceries for all her favorite meals, and even picked up flowers for her dresser."
"But she didn't make it home," Kate said softly.
"He followed her from work.Her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, whatever he was.He followed her and started ramming her car with his truck, trying to run her off the road."Margaret's tears were flowing freely now."She called 911, but she was so scared that she was driving too fast.It was raining, the roads were slick, and she lost control on a curve."
The story poured out of Margaret in broken sentences punctuated by sobs."She hit a tree.Died instantly, they said.Just two miles from my house.Two miles from safety, from home, from her mother who would have protected her and loved her and helped her start over."
Kate felt a deep sadness for this woman's loss, even knowing what that loss had driven her to do."I'm very sorry about Sarah, Margaret."
"She was coming home to me," Margaret continued, her voice barely above a whisper."She trusted me to take care of her, to help her heal from what that bastard had put her through.And I failed her.I couldn't save her."
The psychological break was clear now.Margaret had channeled her grief and guilt over failing to save her own daughter into a twisted mission to "save" other parents from the pain she was experiencing.
"So you decided to… tosaveother parents instead," DeMarco said.
"I couldn't let them go through what I'm going through," Margaret replied, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jumpsuit."Watching Carol Bennett prepare that room for her son, seeing how excited she was about helping him get back on his feet...I knew how it would end.Adult children who move back home, they always disappoint in the end.They take advantage of their parents' love, they become dependent, they drain the life and hope out of the people who care about them most."
"But that's not what happened with Sarah," Kate pointed out."Sarah was trying to escape an abusive relationship.She was seeking help."
