Page 39 of Linebacker
“We’re in the middle of a session, Coach, this is not a good time,” I reprimand, annoyed that he’s interrupted us at a critical moment.
“Sorry, sorry I’ll make it quick,” Coach brushes it off like it’s not really that much of an issue he’s walked in at a poignant moment. “I checked with the powers that be, and they said it’s totally fine for Lucy to move into the apartment with you, as long as she understands it’s only until your contract is up at the end of the three-month term. See you later at the Hot Yoga class.” And with that he’s gone.
I turn my attention back to Mars, placing my hand over his that is resting on the couch by his side. As soon as my palm touches his skin, he snaps his hand away and once again jumps to his feet.
“Mars, what’s wrong?”
“What am I doing? Why am I letting you do this to me again?”
“What?” I fret, wondering what the hell has caused this sudden change in him. “I’m trying to help you.”
“No, you’re not. You’ve been leading me on, raking up all the feelings that I have for you, bringing them to the surface. Don’t you fucking see it? You’re messing with my head, messing with my heart and getting me to fall for you all over again.”
It takes me a minute before I realise that Mars isn’t referring to the therapy. He’s talking about us.
“That’s not true, I…”
“What’s not true?” he says accusingly, “That you’re not going to up and leave me? Like every other fucking person I cared about in my life.”
“You always knew that my contract was only for three months.” Although I shouldn’t have to justify myself, my chest tightens as panic begins to rise within me. “I’ve never tried to hide that from you. You’ve known this from the start.”
“Yeah well, stupid me, thinking that with how things have been going between us, how we’d reconnected, would have changed things. That for once in my life, someone might want me enough to feel that I’m worth sticking around for.” He stomps across the floor to leave.
“You’ve got this all wrong, Mars.” I reach out to him only for him to shake me off again. “Please let me explain,” I plead as he pulls open the door.
“What’s the point, Hope. You fooled me once, fooled me twice; you don’t get to fuck me over a third time.”
“Mars, please,” I beg, but it’s too late, he’s gone.
CHAPTER31
Istand, statue like, and look at the closed door. The door that was just slammed in my face, giving me a clear message, I had royally fucked up.
Not now. Now was nothing compared to the major trauma I left behind when I penciled that note, taken my last look at the one person that saved me from a life of hell, and then left.
I might not have caused the hairline fractures that run through Mars’ heart on that day, but I sure as hell made it crack a little further, and break a little more.
I always thought it was me that had been the broken one, but Mars is broken too, and I’d done nothing to help fix him.
If I’d have known how damaged Mars had been, would I have walked away from him? I don’t honestly know. Look where he is now. Rising high and still has a future in football.
But I’ve hurt him. Hurt him so much.
Twice he has given me all of him. In his eyes, both times I have given him nothing in return.
We’re back to that same old dilemma.
It’s flight or fight time.
To me it’s a no brainer, but before I get the chance to make a move, the door flies open again.
It’s when Mars walks around me, and sits back down on the couch I realise I’m still standing in the same place when he left, only now my face is wet from the tears that had come with my frustration and devastation when he’d gone.
“You came back,” I murmur, wiping the moisture from my face before I turn around and take the seat I had before, directly opposite him.
“You want to explain, now’s your chance. Start talking,” He’s got that stubbornness about him that I faced at the very start. The walls that had disintegrated between us are firmly back in place. In his eyes anyway.
I take in a handful of deep, calming breathes before pleading my case.
