Page 65 of An Offer for a Spinster
“But the more I got to know him, the more I realised I did not like him, not one bit. My situation hasn’t changed, but… but I think I might be in love with someone else, Alexander.”
Alexander’s eyes widened. Whatever he’d been expecting to hear her say, it was not that.
“You… you’re in love with someone else?”
Katherine swallowed hard, nodding. “I was ready to make a sacrifice, because I didn’t know any better. The man I think I have feelings for – don’t ask me who he is, I’m not ready to admit it aloud yet – is a good man. I think he’d made me happy, but I have no idea… no idea how he feels about me. I don’t know if I can risk losing Lord Barwood for a man who… who may not think about me for a second more than he absolutely has to. Oh, I don’t know what todo, Alex.”
Alexander shuffled closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Katherine sagged against him, resting her cheek on his chest. They sat like that together for a moment or two, and Katherine could have sworn that the years stripped themselves away, and they weren’t adults with a tremendous amount of money hanging over their heads, but children with nothing to concern themselves with beyond dinner tonight and when they would get a chance to play outside.
“I can’t marry him,” Katherine said at last. “I can’t marry Lord Barwood. I… I know that I should, but I don’t think I can do it.”
Alexander pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, Kat. I know. Choose love for yourself – that’s all I want. It’s all William wants, too.”
She shook her head. “William has so much to think about beyond me. It’s not fair on him. None of this is fair on him.”
“It’s not fair on us, either.”
The bell rang downstairs, signaling that breakfast was ready. Katherine sat up with a sigh, straightening the knot of hair at the nape of her neck.
“I assume that Lord Barwood is going to propose tonight,” she said heavily. “I don’t think I’ll be able to avoid him. I think I should tell him the truth, before he does something foolish, like asking me to marry him in front of our guests.”
“Oh, he wouldn’t do anything so silly. The man hates to make himself look like a fool.”
Katherine snorted. “Well, I made him look a fool at the party last night, so I daresay he’s out for revenge.”
“I’ll stay with you all night. He won’t be able to get you alone. Then, tomorrow, you can write a letter to him, explaining.”
Katherine bit her lip. “A letter? That feels cowardly.”
“There’s nothing cowardly about rejecting a man like that,” Alexander said firmly. “I’ll talk to William, too. He’ll understand, I know he will.”
Katherine nodded, forcing a quick smile. “I hope I won’t live to regret this.”
***
The dinner was a fairly ordinary one – fine dishes, plenty of guests gathering around the table, plenty of chatter, and so on. The Duchess sat silently at one end of the table, speaking to no one, and William sat at the other end, equally quiet.
Katherine found herself between Lord Barwood and Alexander, who’d all but strong-armed another guest out of the way so that he could sit beside his sister. Even Henry was there tonight, although Katherine suspected that was because he was hungry, rather than from any sense of duty.
At a quiet moment at the table, she cleared her throat and leaned towards Lord Barwood, before nerves could get the better of her.
“I would like to speak to you about something later, Lord Barwood.”
“Tell me now,” he said, eyes scanning the table. Was he waiting for something?
“Not now,” Katherine said firmly. “But later, perhaps. In private.”
Lord Barwood drained his wine glass and gestured for the footman to refill it. “Just tell me now, why don’t you?”
A flash of irritation went through her. “Later, Lord Barwood. I made that quite clear. I’m afraid it’s not good news.”
She wasn’t sure what had made her say that. Lord Barwood shot a quick, thoughtful stare at her. For a moment, she thought he was going to push further, to insist on hearing what she wanted to say.
“Very well,” he said at last, and she let out a sigh of relief. “As you like.”
“Thank you.”
More silence. Well, silence between the two of them, at least. Then, without warning, Lord Barwood rose to his feet. He tapped the edge of a fork against the rim of his glass, the clear tinkling sound slowly but surely cutting through the chatter, until everyone around him was silent.
