Page 63 of An Icy Christmas Engagement
“On the contrary, Lady York, I think there is no better time than the present.” He cleared his throat again, clearly gathering his courage. Caroline raised her brows at him as he fixed her with a heavy look. “My lady Caroline, my affections for you are no small secret. From the moment I met you, I knew you were the woman I wished to spend the rest of my life with. And I vowed from that moment to do whatever was in my power to ensure your happiness.”
Oh dear God. “My lord…”
“If I could, I would have taken your hand and asked you this question from our very first dance, but I knew I had to give you some time to feel the same way about me as I do about you. But now I cannot help myself as I ask this question. Caroline, will you marry me?”
Caroline’s heart slithered right out of her chest. She held her breath, praying that she was asleep and this was a horrible nightmare. All she had to do was wake up and it would be over. She would not be looking into the hopeful eyes of Lord Sotheby as his heavy question hung in the air.
Elizabeth’s head whipped around. “She—”
“I cannot.”
Disappointment went crashing onto his face and her guilt tripled. But she held fast to her decision. “I see.”
“My decision is not a reflection of you, my lord,” she told him gently. “You are sweet and kind and any lady would be happy to marry you.”
“But not you,” he said morosely.
She shook her head slowly. “No, not me. I do not love you. And if I marry again, it will only be for love.”
He nodded slowly, lowering his head. Caroline had a sinking suspicion that he was fighting back tears. “I understand. Thank you for being honest with me. I…believe it would be best if I took my leave.”
Caroline didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t think there was anything she could do to make him feel better. So she simply watched as he stood and quietly left the room, only pausing long enough to give a curt bow.
This time, the silence that descended in the room was palpable. Caroline resumed eating even though she could feel her mother’s eyes boring into her. She waited, knowing what was to come.
“Do you know what you’ve just done?” Elizabeth asked softly, her voice trembling with anger.
Caroline nodded slowly. “I should have done that a long time ago.”
“He is a good man! He is everything you should want in a husband.”
“I do not love him, Mother!” Caroline snapped. She threw her fork down, eyes blazing. “You may not see that as important but I do! I spent three years trapped in an uncomfortable marriage and I will not let myself be put through that again.”
Elizabeth’s eyes grew wide. “Did the late viscount…”
Caroline sighed. “No, he did not abuse me in any manner. He took care of my needs and he was kind. But I was not happy. And I shall not marry again unless I know I will be happier than I am as a widower.”
“You couldn’t possibly be happy as you are now,” Elizabeth scoffed.
“Why couldn’t I be? Are you unhappy simply because Father died?”
“For a while, yes! But I had a daughter and your father left behind enough to care for us both. I knew that the only thing I needed to focus on was ensuring you did not have to struggle for anything. And the only way to ensure that is for you to marry andmarry well. This life you live residing in the house of a spinster is not the right future for you.”
Caroline bit her tongue, nearly professing that she was more than capable of caring for herself. The proceeds she’d made from her last novel had made sure she would be comfortable for quite a while. That, however, would only open up a whole new conversation Caroline did not want to deal with.
Slowly, she said, “I am content with my life. That should be enough for you.”
“Is this because of the Earl of Colenhurst?”
Caroline’s heart skipped a beat but she made sure not to make an outward reaction. She considered lying but then thought, what was the point? So she confessed, “My heart turns to him.”
“He is not good for you. You hear what they say about that man. You will not be happy with a man like that.”
“You do not know what makes me happy, Mother,” Caroline told her. “You never have and I am beginning to think you never will.”
That stunned Elizabeth into silence. Caroline suddenly lost her appetite. She stood without another word and made her way out the room. She expected Elizabeth to stop her, to order her not to leave, to continue the argument.
But the only sound that came next was the thud of the door closing behind her.
