Page 43 of The Duke's Hidden Scandal
Charlotte thought of the journal in the floorboards beneath her bed. She had drawn it out again and again to read her mother’s writing. There were so many parallels to her own situation, and a fierce part of her wished to right the wrongs of history and fight against what her father wanted. But Charlotte was not a foolish woman. If her father had mentioned their situation, it meant that it was dire enough that he felt she neededto be privy to his worries. There was no doubt that Kilby was the salvation her father needed to either save their fortune or settle debts. She did not know the nature of how they had reached this situation, but she knew she was the key to reversing it.
Her mother had written of her thwarted love, of the man she had had to leave behind in order to marry her father.Had they ever been happy?Charlotte could not help thinking of her mother’s illness, of her father’s absence throughout the final days, and that strange relief that had come over him upon her death.
Did he ever really love her?
Such a thing was rare in good society, she knew. But she had always told herself that her parents were happy. Outwardly, they had seemed to be. Even Sarah, who had been her governess first had spoken of the bond they shared. Perhaps one did not need to love one’s partner, merely find a companion whom one could share one’s days with.
Unable to sit in silence with the heavy weight of her father’s expectations on her shoulders, Charlotte bid him farewell and went upstairs. She had another ball to attend that evening and this time it was hosted by the duke’s mother. She felt a certain nervousness about attending but at the same time she yearned to see him again.
Charlotte made her way upstairs and headed to her chamber but paused, not wanting to be alone. She turned instead toward Sarah’s room and knocked on the door. Sarah bid her enter and Charlotte came into the room to find her companion seated by the fire, reading one of the books the duke had purchased for Charlotte.
“Is all well?” Sarah asked, closing the book after she had marked her page and indicating that Charlotte should sit before her.
Charlotte sat down, feeling just as gloomy as she ever had, and sighed.
“I suppose you think me very foolish for not accepting Kilby.”
Sarah frowned. “He has made you an offer?”
“Not yet, but Papa is adamant that he will.”
Sarah’s eyes softened considerably. “I could never think you foolish.”
“That is because you are too kind to me,” Charlotte admonished, and Sarah gave her a fond smile.
“Do you think, after all the years we have spent together, that I would ever wish you to enter into a marriage that would make you unhappy?”
“No,” Charlotte sniffed, tears building at the back of her eyes. “No, I do not.”
She could not help the tears from falling now. It felt as though they had been banked for months and that they were only now able to spill out. Since her mother’s death, she had rarely cried, trying to keep a façade in place for her father, for the household, for everyone. But now she let them fall as Sarah came to kneel beside her and took her hand.
“It will be alright, my darling Charlotte. You are the most capable woman I know. You will make the best of every situation that is put to you.”
Charlotte wiped her cheeks. “And what will happen when I marry? I will lose you! You might be sent away.”
Sarah squeezed her hand tightly. “Do not shed tears for me. I have known for a long time that you will eventually marry and need to move on. I have many options and might even return to being a governess. I always enjoyed teaching.”
“But you must promise to visit me,” Charlotte choked out. “In one of thefiveproperties I will be mistress of. I feel so wretched and yet I know many women who would be thrilled toface such a future.” She sighed heavily. “I am sorry, Sarah. I am being very foolish, but everything has been decided against my will.”
“I know, dearest.” Charlotte looked down at her as Sarah gave her a wan smile. “It was my deepest wish that the duke and you might become a partnership.”
Charlotte sucked in a long breath. She was hardly surprised that her companion had observed her regard for the duke but shocked that Sarah would speak of it so openly.
“I remember you saying to me once that he seemed pompous,” Sarah said teasingly.
Charlotte laughed. “I did say that. I take it back unreservedly.”
“I can see why you said such a thing. The first time he spoke with you I thought the same, but I believe it is a façade he shows to the world. No one with such a kind expression could be as cold as he appears to be.”
“I have enjoyed getting to know him. If nothing else, it has been a gentler return to society than I expected. His cousin is very kind, too.”
“Lord Preston certainly seemed to think so.”
“It is not just my eyes deceiving me then,” Charlotte said archly.
“Certainly not, Lord Preston is very deeply in love with Lady Elizabeth Ludlow I think.”
“I hope he has the courage to tell her. I think they would make each other very happy,” Charlotte said quietly, and strangely, the thought of her cousin’s happiness cheered her a little.
