Page 27 of Mindy
Tricia couldn’t visit her often because she had to work. She didn’t work in this transitional main nursery. She worked in the daycare center where Littles living in the community went while their caregivers worked. It was in the same building but not where Mindy could see her.
It was nice having the support of the woman who had introduced her to this world, knowing she had a cheerleader she could count on, but sometimes when Tricia wasn’t around for longer than a day, Mindy felt lonely. Isolated. Outside of her body.
She watched the other Littles playing and laughing and meeting with caregivers as if she were floating above them, not really participating. She wanted what they had, and yet she also knew it was partly her fault she didn’t have the same thing.
She waited. And waited. The days ticked by. And then the weeks. When her best friend in the nursery, Annie, had been adopted by Nurse Theo, Mindy had really pulled into herself.
She was living in this weird funk when she woke up after her nap one afternoon to find that she’d slept much longer than usual in the middle of the main nursery. All the other Littles had returned to their own nurseries.
Mindy found herself seated in a bouncy seat surrounded by three serious faces: Nurse Kay, Dr. Farwell, and Eleanor. At first, she thought she was in trouble, and then her concern switched to her greatest fear of all—that she would be kicked out of the program because no one wanted her.
What she hadn’t expected was for the three of them to confront her with a possibility she had never considered.
They were kind and calm and caring, but they rocked her world when Nurse Kay met her gaze to say, “Your caregiver doesn’t have to be a Daddy. Have you ever considered that?”
Tears came to her eyes, not because the suggestion was abhorrent. It wasn’t. What consumed her was memories of her past. She was instantly flooded by her mother’s judgement of her. She remembered that day when she’d kissed Eva as if it were yesterday and nearly hyperventilated as the humiliation and abandonment wormed their way into her mind.
She started trembling before the tears fell. It was hard to focus on what they were saying to her. She found herself muttering, “I’m supposed to want a Daddy. That’s how it is.”
Eleanor reached out and took her hand gently. “Why not a Mommy?”
Dr. Farwell unfastened her from the bouncy seat and lifted her out of it to set her on the floor on her bottom. He stroked a loose lock of hair from her face while Eleanor and Nurse Kay flanked her.
Mindy lowered her gaze to her lap, wringing her fingers together. It felt like the room was spinning, and when she squeezed her eyes closed, all she could picture was Eva. “It was just a kiss,” she muttered.
It wasn’t though. It hadn’t been then, and it still wasn’t now. That kiss was everything. It had changed Mindy’s life. She’d left her mother and moved far away because of that kiss.
Somehow in the past four years, Mindy had told herself she’d left because she’d needed space, because she hadn’t liked how judgmental her mother was, because she’d known in her heart she was Little, and there’d been no way to practice age play under the oppressive watchful eye of her mother.
“It was just a kiss,” she whispered again as if she might become convinced.
Two hands landed on her shoulders from behind and Mindy instantly knew who they belonged to. Tricia.
The woman slid down to the floor behind her spreading her legs so Mindy was nestled in the V, her back snuggled against Tricia’s chest.
Tricia wrapped her arms around Mindy’s chest and held her close. “What was just a kiss?” she whispered against Mindy’s ear.
Mindy shivered at the feel of Tricia’s breath against her neck, the gentle tone of her voice, the way she held on tight and didn’t let go.
“Who did you kiss, Baby girl?” Tricia encouraged.
“My friend Eva,” Mindy murmured.
Tricia hugged her closer, her thumbs strumming along the edges of Mindy’s boobs. “Tell me about Eva.”
Mindy sniffled. When she glanced up, she was shocked to find everyone else gone. No one was in the room except Tricia and Mindy. The lights had been dimmed for the evening.
Clearing her throat, Mindy found the courage to speak of Eva for the first time. “She was my friend. I met her in junior college. We talked a lot. We shared our secrets. Mostly that we didn’t have any.”
Mindy could feel Tricia smiling against her neck as she continued to hold and stroke her gently. “Go on, Baby girl.”
“One day we admitted to each other that neither of us had ever been on a date. Neither of us had ever been kissed. So, we decided to kiss each other just to see what it would be like.” Mindy sobbed as her voice trailed off.
Tricia eased one hand up between Mindy’s breasts to cup her cheek. “What was it like?”
Mindy squeezed her eyes closed again. She’d spent the last four years tormented by that day, but she’d always focused on her mother’s reaction, the look on her face, the decision to leave.
Mindy had never let herself think about the kiss that caused the dominos to fall. For the first time, she let her mind go there. “It was soft and nice,” she mused as she remembered the way Eva had cupped her face and looked into her eyes.
