Page 50 of The Voice of Wild Places
Watt went to scratch at his neck, then thought better of it and dropped his hand.“I—” He shook his head, mouth opening and closing a few times.This was ridiculous, they were supposed to be a team, a team that was on the same page.Cornelius had a sudden urge to hit Watt, and it was so fierce that he had to turn away.
He said, “Forget it,” and stalked off a short ways, lighting a cigarette as he went.
Damn Watt for keeping secrets.Damn Severino for being right, and damn Antônio for … well.Cornelius didn’t know what for, but fuck it all.He was tired and sore, and he wasn’t too proud to realize he was being an asshole, had been for some time now.He allowed his anger to rage until the cigarette burnt out, then he stubbed the stick against his boot and jammed the butt into his pocket.He drew in a great breath, then made the short trip back to his companions.They were all taking a smoke break of their own, and Watt gently tapped out his pipe as Cornelius approached.
Watt frowned, and it looked as if words were on the tip of his tongue.But a couple of moments passed, and he said nothing.
Cornelius shifted his gaze to Severino and Antônio.In Portuguese, he asked, “Do you think he will follow us?”
Severino puffed on his pipe, then sighed and replied in kind.“I don’t know.He has no claim to the land Joaquim is working, but …”
Antônio said, “When has that stopped men?”
Cornelius removed his glasses and ran a hand over his face.After recomposing himself, he looked between Severino and Antônio and said, “I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you, and that I …” Cornelius glanced at Watt.“I antagonized him.I don’t know what got into me.I just—” Cornelius waved a hand.“I don’t know, there’s something about him.”
Severino smiled gently, and it reminded Cornelius of Papa after an‘I told you so’moment.Not cruel or satisfied, but … Cornelius didn’t know, he couldn’t think of the word for it.Compassionate?Understanding?
Antônio adjusted his hat and shrugged.“He will be looking for you, not me.”
Watt chuckled.Antônio grinned, and then Cornelius and Severino were smiling too.Watt clapped Cornelius on the shoulder.“Ready to keep going?”
Cornelius nodded.“Yes.”
They made camp in the abandoned Bacairy village that Fawcett had once stayed in, situated near the Paranatinga and less than a day’s walk from the Post.Exhaustion and nerves was a common denominator within the group, even cool Antônio twitched at nearly every unexpected noise.There had been no followers, or at least none that they could hear or see.
Cornelius stayed up writing in his journal by the dwindling light of the campfire.They kept it lit, but not roaring.It was his shift, and the night was quiet.The moon was half full and twice as glorious for what it lacked.He was grateful that it was his turn to stay awake, he wouldn’t have been able to sleep if he tried.It was like every Big Thing that had been lingering in the back of his mind since agreeing to this venture had decided to shatter the bars of the cage containing them.His complicated feelings for Watt and their past, doubts regarding their mission and his own competence, and every insecurity that lingered involving his own manhood.
Watt slipped out of the old hut that once housed families and otherwise, but now only gave weary travelers temporary shelter.He was quiet and catlike despite his size, and Cornelius thought,‘He belongs out here.’
Watt knelt beside Cornelius on the ground, offering a tired smile.Quietly, he said, “I can take over, if you’d like.”
“Can’t sleep?”
“No.”
“To be honest, I don’t think I’ll be able to either.”
Watt hesitated, then nodded.“Let me know if you want to switch.”He began to straighten and Cornelius reached out, taking hold of his wrist.Watt stared down at Cornelius’ hand, eyes reflecting the fire’s light.Cornelius quickly let go, ducking his head.He closed his journal and said, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course,” Watt said, and after only a moment’s hesitation, sat beside Cornelius.He drew his knees up to his big chest, linking his arms around his legs.His body fit snugly against Cornelius’, and it struck Cornelius then that they were alone.
“Where’s Maggie?”He whispered.
Watt smiled.“Afraid we’ll be caught out with a chaperone?”
Cornelius grinned despite his melancholy.“Careful, you might develop a sense of humor.”
“Ah, and what a terrible thing that would be.”Watt bumped his shoulder against Cornelius’.
Cornelius chuckled softly, then glanced over at the hut.“Are the others awake?”
Watt shook his head, but Cornelius still felt apprehensive.You could never be too careful.And yet Cornelius had to talk to someone about this, get out of his own head.He didn’t want to wander far from camp, not after last night’s events.Whathadhe been thinking?
The fire cracked, a once whole piece of scavenged wood collapsed into cinders, and it wasn’t unlike the epiphany that cracked Cornelius’ upside the head.He’d been showing off.Posturing.Arrogant.
Cornelius ran a hand through his hair, the sides of which had grown long and unruly.He desperately needed a haircut.Watt watched him out of the corner of his eye, and waited.
“I’ve a lot on my mind,” Cornelius started.He found it hard to say anything more, and went quiet.What an auspicious beginning.
