Page 54 of The Voice of Wild Places
“I am no spy,” Antônio spat in English, and his expression cracked.Cornelius’ cheeks heated.
“You are our friend,” Watt said.“No one is saying otherwise.”
Antônio shook his head and said nothing, but the damage was done.Cornelius rubbed at his temple, nausea and guilt stirring in his gut.He desperately wanted a joint.
“Okay,” he said.“Yes.We would be honored if Antônio accompanied us.”
This pleased the Headman, and so they ate.
Cornelius’ group shared their remaining xarque, condensed milk, and beans with their new friends, who in turn fed them sweet potatoes, yams, squash, peanuts, and fish.Severino would later explain that fish was now considered special in the village, for there was now a lack of fish in the portion of the Paranatinga they lived on.It was a great feast, but each man sat with their backs turned to their companions.To do otherwise would bring about great shame to the person.
Afterwards, they smoked tobacco grown by their hosts.It was unlike anything Cornelius had ever smoked before, making his head spin and body soften like the first time he ever tried the stuff.It was after Watt had been banished from Cornelius’ life, and before he had accepted his departure.He'd smoked Papa’s pipe, believing he’d gotten away with it until later on that day.Papa chastised him for not only smoking, but not being clever enough to change his clothes to get rid of the smell.Hells, he missed him.The sudden force of his aching struck him like a splitting maul to the heart, and he desperately wanted to be held by his Papa again.But that time had come and gone, and he was alone.
In Portuguese, Severino told a story within a story.Antônio spoke quietly to the Headman, translating the words he didn’t understand.“Jacobina, a man who preferred to stay out of arguments and debates whenever possible, was challenged by four friends of his, their own opinions divided cleanly in two.The debate was this; what is the nature of a human soul?He tells them he has a story to prove his theory, that humans have not one soul, but two.One looking from the inside outward, and the other outside in.He told them of a story of when he was a younger man, a freshly appointed ensign with a uniform to match his position.He was treated so differently, addressed no longer in familiar but serious tones.His aunt, enamored with his status, ordered a large looking glass for his room.It was ornate and old, but finely made.His furnishings were modest, but he could not sway her otherwise.
“A transformation took hold, the ensign did away with the man, the external soul shifting as his world did.Three weeks thereafter, his cousin fell ill and he was tasked with managing the farm while his aunt tended to her.The man was left alone, save for servants who spoke little to him, then abandoned him in the night.He thought to leave and tell his aunt, but he could not abandon his responsibilities, so he stayed.His mind unraveled, and he began to ask questions, the kind that pulled at your heart, uprooting thought and reason.He wondered; do I exist if there is no one to perceive me?What is my purpose?He had avoided gazing upon his reflection in the looking glass, but after a week of eating bland food and reciting poems and otherwise, his frayed mind caught distorted features blurred and devoid of color, missing lines.And so, with madness driving him, he put on his uniform and faced the glass straight on before leaving, unable to take the solitude any longer.And then, he found it.”
“Que?”Watt asked, eyes kindling with … Cornelius wasn’t sure, but he thought perhaps it was … hope?
“Himself, the ensign, and the man.For the next six days, no matter what, he would put on his uniform and stand in front of the mirror.He would exist as the way others saw himself, if only for a few minutes a day.But that’s all it took to keep the madness away, and his outer soul was satisfied.”Severino spread his hands and smiled, his warm eyes around the room, pausing briefly on Cornelius before continuing.“The story, of course, had stirred up Jacobina's friends and upended the debate, but he took advantage of the chaos to slip away.”
A chill tracked down Cornelius’ spine, and he nearly shivered despite the humid heat trapped within the building.
‘He knows,’Cornelius thought with a certainty that went down to his very bones.
A Dog
May19th,1930
Cornelius was gone.
Watt awoke to an empty spot beside him, and the first thought he had was that Cornelius had left.Turned back.He was gone, for good this time.
He wasn’t sure why his mind immediately decided this, but it was enough for his heart to have a fit.He exited the men’s house without disturbing Severino, who Watt was convinced wouldn’t wake even if a blow horn was raging by his ear.He was equal parts jealous of the man’s ability to sleep so soundly, and appalled.How easy it would be to kill him.
Well, that wasn’t a pleasant thought.What was wrong with him?
Watt quietly eased out of bed and after only a moment's hesitation, retrieved a small rock from his rucksack.He felt slightly better after escaping outside, into the brisk night which reinvigorated his lungs.The sky made his heart stop and start again, resuming a somewhat steady, if not agitated, rhythm.The moon was a glowing sliver of light accompanied by millions of stars, each one fighting for attention in the great expanse of unpolluted night sky.It was beautiful, a sight that would never exist in the confines of New York City.Or Philadelphia, for that matter.
Watt played with the stone in his pocket and wandered around the building in search of Cornelius, wishing the moon was just a bit brighter.His gaze drifted to a stretch of fencing in the same direction as the river.It shivered beneath a gust of wind, the wire glinting in the night in a painfully familiar way.As did a small red light in the dark, close to the ground and dimmed by shadows.Watt approached slowly, and when he got closer he saw that Cornelius was sitting in a patch of dirt, hugging his knees which were drawn up to his chest.A cigarette hung from his lips, its light dancing in the dark.
When he was within ear shot Watt whispered, “Cornelius.”
Cornelius startled anyways, then hissed a curse as the cherry of his cigarette fell.He stashed the butt into his pocket and started to get to his feet, but Watt put his hands out placatingly and sat beside him.“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Cornelius sighed, tucking himself back into a ball.“What’re you doing out here?”He asked, his tone accusatory.
“Looking for you.”
Cornelius scoffed.“At least you’re honest.”
Watt wasn’t sure what that meant.“I try to be.”
Cornelius hummed, but otherwise didn’t comment.Watt accidentally thought out loud when he said, “This is becoming a habit.”He gave Cornelius a little smile and added, “Not that I mind, of course.”
The corner of Cornelius’ mouth lifted, a barely there smile.His gaze traveled over Watt’s face, slow and steady as if he were committing Watt to memory.Watt swallowed.What a self indulgent thought that was.
Watt cleared his throat and busied himself with offering Cornelius the smooth stone that had once been in his pocket.“Here.This one reminded me of you.”
