Page 81 of The Voice of Wild Places
Cornelius busied himself with tidying up the first aid kit before turning in, utilizing his own hammock as a precarious table of sorts.Watt wanted to assist, but Cornelius waved him away.“Go on, you and Maggie get tucked in.”
Watt hesitated at Cornelius’ side.Cornelius looked over at him, a brow raised.Watt whispered, “Could we … say good night?Is that okay?”
Cornelius’ confusion melted into fondness.He closed the first aid kit, then turned to face Watt straight on.“Yes, of course.”
Watt froze, suddenly feeling unsure.It felt as if they were standing on the precipice of a great waterfall, or perhaps it was simply a line they could never turn back from.He didn’t know why, for they’d kissed now, and more than once at that.But something as simple and tender as saying good night, as something more than friends, was frighteningly intimate.
Cornelius took the next step.
His stomach pressed against Watt’s, and their legs collided awkwardly.His hands slid against Watt’s own before moving up his forearms and beyond.Nimble fingers crested Watt’s shoulders and danced over the column of his throat.Blunt nails scratched against his ragged beard, and fingertips settled along the thinning muscles of Watt’s cheeks.Despite the fact Watt was the taller of the two, he’d never felt so small.
But it wasn’t … it wasn’t the small he felt when his father talked down to him, or the small he felt being associated with grave robbers, or living when so many of his comrades had died.
He was small, like a child receiving praise and comfort from a loved one.
Like a young man receiving a medal, not because so many had died and he had lived, but because true courage had been shown.
Like an older man given a second chance to make things right.
Small, like a human in the universe, on a perpetually spinning rock that would see more ages than he ever would, with the one person he longed to be with more than anyone else in the world.
He opened his mouth to tell Cornelius all of it.To tell him how he felt, because he was sure that Cornelius didn’t know, not the whole of it at least.
Cornelius’ lips filled the space where an opportunity once dwelled, and his tongue swept it away for good measure.He came onto Watt with a determination that strengthened his tongue and drove a leg between Watt’s thighs.
Watt gasped and Cornelius inhaled acutely, stealing the air for himself.Caught off guard, Watt stumbled backwards a little, hands hanging uselessly at his sides, and Cornelius followed.Watt’s spine connected with the tree securing Cornelius’ hammock, and he grunted.Cornelius rutted against him, his kiss growing sloppy and insistent.Watt’s arousal was painful and sudden, and it was all too much.He finally remembered how to use his hands, and he took a hold of Cornelius’ hips.He pushed the man back, who panted like he’d run a mile.
“What’s wrong?”Cornelius asked, his steely eyes beacons in the darkness.“Is this not what you had in mind?”
Watt tried to speak, but he couldn’t.He couldn’t organize the thoughts in his head, let alone enough to pour them into the space between them.A great heat had spread over his body, eliciting goosebumps in its wake.His head was a fog, and all he could focus on clearly was Cornelius’ spit slicked lips.
Cornelius’ gaze flicked down to Watt’s arousal, then back up.He waited, and when Watt did nothing, Cornelius adopted that apologetic and sad smile he'd used the first time Watt had wanted to kiss him, and didn't.He began to retreat.“I understand.”
His hands slid away from Watt’s face.
“No.”Watt snatched them back.Cornelius stared, bewildered.Watt brought their hands close to his chest, which heaved with great effort.His voice was thin when he sputtered, “I desire you more than anyone else I’ve ever laid eyes on.But I—that’s—I’m—”
Cornelius caught on, and saved Watt from his floundering.He kissed the corner of Watt's mouth, silencing him.Against his skin, he whispered, “You’ve never …?”
“No,” Watt admitted, the word no more than a rasp.
“With anyone?”
Watt shook his head a fraction, and his beard scratched against Cornelius.“Never.”
Cornelius stilled.“And … kissing?”
Watt swallowed.“No.”
Cornelius retreated a bit and gave Watt a little smile.Thank God, there was no pity in it.Understanding, yes.But never pity, and Watt was a fool for ever thinking there would be.He said, “Ah.Then perhaps tonight we’ll say good night the old fashioned way.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Cornelius,” Watt said, quick and quiet.
Cornelius’ cheek dimpled as his smile turned sly, gaze flitting downwards for just a moment.He kissed Watt again, gentler this time.In the fractional space between their lips, he murmured, “You deserve more than a tree to the back for your first time, Watt.”His brows pinched, and a strange expression fluttered across his face before disappearing.“And I’m not in a hurry.It's just that—I thought that I was—I thought that’s what you …”
Watt pulled Cornelius flush against him, wrapping his arms around him as tight as he could without hurting him.He rested his chin in Cornelius’ hair lank with sweat and dirt and closed his eyes, breathing him in.Belatedly, Cornelius’ arms encircled his waist, and he held fast.His face rubbed back and forth across Watt's chest for a moment, then Cornelius let out a long exhale.
Watt nearly told him then, and he wasn’t sure what held him back.Instead, he said, “I would follow you anywhere, no matter the reason.”
