Page 87 of The Voice of Wild Places
He was unnaturally quiet, so Watt filled the silence with assurances there were no dangerous fish, or parasites (that he'd found).Watt lowered Cornelius onto his ass in the shallows, where there was a slight current but nothing strong.The waterfall was quieter than before, and calmer too.They were a good half mile downstream from it, which had to help.The tower was visible from here, but as dark as ever.It appeared so ordinary, nothing like the flashing lighthouse he'd imagined before.
“Are you good?”Watt asked, handing over the meager bar of soap he'd tucked into his pocket.It had seen better days, but the fact it existed at all was a miracle.
Cornelius stared down at the soap now clutched in his hand, along with the handle of his coffee mug, before thrusting both at Watt.“No, actually.Could you give me a moment, then help me?I'm just so tired.”
“Of course,” Watt said, and took the soap back before wandering upstream a little ways from Cornelius.After Cornelius cleared his throat meaningfully, Watt turned around.He was briefly struck by how familiar this was to the moment in the tent.When he'd run away from the sight of Cornelius' bare back.He hadn't really looked at Cornelius when carrying him over, but now he could do nothing else.His boots sank into the surprisingly soft riverbed as he approached, and the water was cool as it splashed against his legs and soaked through his trousers.He squatted behind Cornelius.“Ready?”
Cornelius glanced over his shoulder and gave Watt a hesitant smile.“Go easy on me.”
Watt flushed from his toes to his ears.He splashed water up Cornelius' back, his arms, his chest.He filled the mug and had Cornelius tip his head back, then poured water through his hair.Cornelius closed his eyes, falling into a quiet sort of stillness and submission that only made things worse for Watt.The mug wasn't very big, so it took some time to wash and rinse the soap Watt scrubbed into Cornelius' hair.Next, he passed the soap bar over the tanned skin of his back.Cornelius was riddled with bruises and insect bites, but nothing too serious.
“Do you want me to uh …” Watt coughed.“Wash your front?”
“Yes,” Cornelius said and closed his eyes, his breathing quickening beneath Watt's ministrations.He didn't curl in on himself or try to hide his breasts, like all that time ago at the dig site.His posture was proud, and whereas before he possessed an'I dare you to comment' look in his eyes, now he was simply at peace.Relaxed.What a foolish man Watt had been, to have run off like he did.
Cornelius gasped and Watt was startled back into himself, to what he'd just done.Cornelius' eyes were still closed, but his lips were parted in response to Watt's fingers and the soap brushing over his hard nipple.“Sorry, I—I think you're good now.I'm just going to ah—rinse.Just rinsing is left.Sorry.”
Watt did his best to rinse Cornelius quickly, thoroughly, and platonically.It was an awkward and arousing event, but Cornelius gave Watt a shy, flushed smile and a quiet thank you after being dried off and draped in Watt's shirt again.He opted to put his trousers on later, after his boxers had dried.
Watt carried Cornelius back to the shelter and gently sat him down on a bed made of their hammocks and bedrolls.Hesitantly, he showed Cornelius the band of fabric he'd destroyed, taking a knee beside him.“I had to cut it off when I … it was in the way.But I can mend it.I meant to, while you were sleeping, but I …”
Cornelius took the torn fabric in his hand and stared at it, then shook his head and gave it back to Watt.“No, thank you.”He lifted his chin and gave Watt a measuring look, and Watt could practically see the walls building in his eyes.“Well?What's going through your head?”
“I was just wondering.Are you … that is … do you mind that I look?That I … touch you?Or is that something you don't like?I—I didn't mean to just now, but in the future, so I know.If I need to know, that is.”
“Oh.”Cornelius' eyes widened in surprise, then he looked away and wiped at his face.“I don't know.I like being touched, and looked at, more often than not.I like being wanted, but sometimes when I'm feeling … off, I can't stand it.But I'll tell you, don't worry.So, tell me honestly.Did you like what you saw?”
Watt took hold of Cornelius' chin and did his best to sound confident.Assertive.
“Please,” Watt whispered, voice cracking.“Please don't make me say how much I want you.How much I need you.Because I—I swear to God, Cornelius, I need you to get better, and do what you promised.”
A trickster's grin spread across Cornelius' lips, washing away those walls of doubt in his mischievous eyes.“What did I promise?I'm a bit foggy.”
“Heal.”Watt kissed Cornelius, then knocked their foreheads together.“Get better.”
“Fine,” Cornelius grumbled, but he seemed more at ease than before.He stole another kiss and whispered, “You know, it's not fair you've seen far more of me than I've seen of you.”
Watt sucked in a breath.“Cornelius.”
Cornelius sighed.“Fine.”
Watt prepared them breakfast, which was a glorious sight.Juicy jabuticaba, banana, and pacu that Watt had speared and smoked the previous day while Cornelius slept.The area was surprisingly plentiful, the vegetation lush and well nurtured, the river higher than he'd originally thought and well populated with fish.All this combined with the early morning heat and unusually thick humidity, Watt had a hard time believing they were at the tail end of the dry season.
Cornelius sat with Maggie, and his tired frown distracted Watt from his observations.Maggie had hardly left Cornelius' side today, which in Watt's experience meant there was great inner turmoil.If Cornelius minded her closeness, he didn't comment on it.Watt couldn't help but smile when he offered Cornelius his plate, which earned him an inquisitive glance.Watt quietly admitted, “I was just thinking about that day on the Prince, when you warned me against bringing her along.Now look at you.”
Cornelius took what Watt offered, smiling a bit.“And where would I be now if you'd listened?”After a pause, he sedately added, “I don't know how long it was for you, but I was gone for a long time, Watt.Just before everything went … vague, she found me and stuck by my side.I lost track of the time, but I just kept going.I figured if anyone could find their way back to you, it'd be her.”
Guilt stirred in Watt's gut, and when he sat beside his companions he kept his gaze down.“I didn't know what to do.I woke up and you were gone, and so was she.I didn't know if you took her with you or if she followed, or if you were taken.I didn't know whether to stay behind and wait in case you came back, or go after you in case you needed help.I waited a little while, but then I couldn't do it anymore and set off to find you.If I hadn't spent so much time being decisive, I would've found you sooner.I'm sorry.Not like I was much help to begin with, but at least you wouldn't have had to spend the night alone.I just—I don't understand why you left.Why—”
Watt lifted his head, only to find a horrified look on Cornelius' face.He immediately scanned their surroundings, but there was nothing, no one.Cornelius' hands were shaking, so Watt took his plate and set it aside, then captured Cornelius' fingers between his own.“What's wrong?”
Cornelius closed his eyes and slowly shook his head.“Watt, what are you talking about?We were gone for—a week—two at least, I don't know.”He opened his eyes, which widened upon seeing Watt.“Hey,” he said, fingers breaking free of Watt's grip to hold his face.“Oh, no, please.”
“What?No.”Watt's eyes stung, and his throat was unbearably hot.“No, it wasn't—”
Memories flashed through the edges of his awareness, beginning with finding Maggie, her wound healed and fur grown in.Further back, the haunting vision of the river and his initial ordeal finding it, all those hours (days?) spent wandering, searching.Disappearing.
“I—” Watt tried, but air caught in his throat, his lungs.He'd known, rationally, that his malnourished, beaten, and dehydrated body had endured an ordeal far greater than could occur in one day, two even.But two weeks?He would've surely died.He blinked, overcome with visions of him curled up in a ball, sleeping in the mud.Him, swiping blood away from his swollen and injured eye.“No …” He reached up with a shaking hand and scratched at the still healing wound, expecting to find hot blood trickling down his cheek.
