Page 58 of The Voice of Wild Places
He stood with Cornelius and Severino on the steamer they’d taken to Cuiabá, smiling like a damn fool.All three of them looked happy.He shuffled the next photo to the front.Watt stared out the window of their hotel room in Rio.His hair was a mess and his eyes were wide, lips parted and slightly curled upwards in delight.The next picture was of Watt again, but sleeping in the hotel in Cuiabá curled in a tight ball around Maggie, who laid in the empty space Cornelius had once occupied.Watt missed that ridiculously small bed.
The next photo was another one Watt didn’t know had been taken.Cornelius and Watt stood close together on the banks of the Rio Novo.Cornelius stared up at Watt, glasses slid down his nose and his lips split into a brilliant smile.And Watt … he was laughing.He’d never seen himself so happy, and he couldn’t even remember what had been so damn funny.Of course it had been something Cornelius said, but what?
“Hard to write when all the people that matter are right here,” Cornelius whispered, then smiled tentatively at Watt.“Not to toot my own horn.”
“You must think awful highly of yourself.”
“I do.”
Watt chuckled, shaking his head.He straightened the pictures into a neat stack, unable to look Cornelius in the eye.Watt was a rational man and knew he’d been acting petulant.He was nearly forty years old, but in that moment he was a young man again.Jealous that his friends had received letters from back home and had someone to write to.It wasn’t just Cornelius that didn’t reply to Watt’s letters while he was gone, but his family too.
“The thing is,” Watt began, glancing furtively between his companions.He cleared his throat and rested a hand on Maggie's side.“Letters don’t do me much good.Never have.During the war, the only letter I received was from Cornelius’ father.Even now, when I’m away on long periods for trips or anything like that, I generally don’t speak to my family until I return.And I don’t have friends.The people back at home are … I am too different.So no, I have no one to write to.”
“Besides me, of course,” Severino said without missing a beat.“You are more than welcome to send me letters, Watt.And you too, Cornelius.I hope that we all keep in touch after this.”
Cornelius smiled.“Me too.”
“Yes,” Watt said.“I’d like that.”
Later that night, long after the lights had gone out and the men had turned in, Watt woke in a cold sweat and the echo of gunfire in his ears.He’d been laying flat on his back with a knee partially pulled up to ease the pressure on his hip, but it was no longer comfortable.He wanted to move, but it was first instinct to wait.Eyes closed, it took him a moment to comprehend what he was hearing, but then it registered.He shouted at his mind to shut off, to stop listening.But he couldn’t.
“Ah, you liked that?It is a highly shortened version of O Espelho, a story by Machado de Assis.I read it once in Gazeta de Notícias, it is one of those stories that stay with you, yes?I still have it, if you'd like to read it someday.It is home with Isabela now.”
“Severino.How long?”Cornelius demanded in a strident whisper.
Severino sighed.“Does it matter?”
“Yes.”
The strike of a match, followed by an exhalation.“Before I met you.”
“Fuck.”Cornelius snarled, his voice low but deadly.“Then why let me come?It is obvious that you have influence over Joaquim.”
“What does that mean?”
Cornelius blew out a breath, but said nothing.
There was a pause before Severino replied.Slowly, he said, “For one, I am not one to take gossip as gospel.For two, why not?It was not my business to know in the first place, and it changes nothing.You are a good man, Cornelius.Stupid, perhaps.But good.”
Cornelius huffed out a laugh.
After a few moments of quiet, Severino lightly added, “You could stay, you know.Both of you.Joaquim is a good man to work with, and we get along well, do we not?There is plenty of work to do.”
Cornelius immediately said, “Thank you, but I made a promise.”
“I respect that, but it is dangerous country up there.Not only the land, but the people, they are best left alone.I—I don’t want to see either of you lost, or worse, especially for men claimed by the jungle long ago.It is not worth it.Just say that you’ll think about it, can you do that?Besides, who is to say the site is not what Fawcett was looking for?Will that not satisfy his family?”
“Severino,” Cornelius whispered, and it was said with such surprise and rebuke that Watt nearly rolled over.“I made a promise.”
Severino sighed.“Cabeça-dura.”
Cornelius hummed.“I can’t argue with you there.”A few moments later, he said, “I'd like that.The story, I mean.”
Severino quietly laughed, and Watt could imagine him fondly shaking his head.
“Do you love her?”Cornelius asked suddenly.The air was thick with silence for several long moments.Finally, Cornelius said, “I nearly proposed to my colleague.It would have been a matter of convenience for both of us.Protection.But I couldn't imagine being tied to someone I didn't love, so I didn't.Couldn't handle the idea of her rejecting me, either.To be honest.”
“I do,” Severino murmured after a time.“In the same way she loves me.”
