Page 25 of How We End
Because in the setting South Dakota sun, I had believed the soft words of a green-eyed boy with a pretty smile and honeyed lies.In the soft pink light, he told me he loved me and always would.“People romanticize sunsets.Like the beauty at the end of a day means everything will work out.But the promises made in the pink sky mean nothing in the harsh light of the morning.And each sunset is a reminder of how stupid you’ve been.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.”
Julian pulled me down so I was straddling him.He brushed the hair from my brow, tracing a finger down my jaw.“I don’t know who he was.But one day I will prove to you that promises can be made andkeptin that pink sky.”
I wanted to believe him.But promises made in the blue neon sounded a little like sunset promises.“Oh really?And when are you going to do that?I hear you’re some kind of hockey star.”
“I’ll always have time for you.”His breath was warm on my mouth.
“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“I will.”He ran a finger across my collarbone.“Tell me something else,” he whispered.
There were things I wanted to tell him.Things I wanted to know about him.But I feared we were getting too close to a line neither of us should cross.“228 is my favorite number.”
He bit his bottom lip, his eyes on my mouth.“Your favorite number is 228?”
“Yeah,” I whispered into his ear, running a finger over the tip of his cock.“I love the way it feels.”And I did.Especially when all 228 pounds of him were pressing down on me.When he pulled me close to him.I didn’t feel so alone with that number around.
* * *
Jackson woke us up two hours after Julian’s time was up.
“I’m not sure when I’ll see you next.”Julian walked into the bedroom, his hair still damp from the shower, his blue-green eyes bright from the lack of sleep.“My next two games are away.Then I have this thing I have to play Julian Silver for.Can you help me?”He held out his arm for me to do the shirt’s cuffs.
So this was it.The end.I wished I’d known—maybe I would’ve held on tighter.Paid attention to the way being with him felt so I could keep it a little longer.
Maybe it was for the best.Things were getting complicated.With us.With me.He was starting to feel less like a client and more like…Like what?A boyfriend?Girl, grow up.He pays you to have sex, I reminded myself.That was all this ever was.
“It’s okay, Julian.You don’t have to do this.”I forced a smile.
He tipped my chin up.“I don’t have to what?”
“You don’t have to explain why you don’t call anymore.Why you’ve moved on.That’s the thing about seeing me.There are no strings.You can come and go as you please.”I kissed the palm of his hand and stepped away.“So if in two months you need something, call.”I tossed a pillow on the bed.“You will have to get retested, fill out all the paperwork again.But there are no hard feelings.”
“Are you breaking up with me because of my game schedule?”He watched me move around the room.“It’s a couple of games.I’m not leaving the country.Okay, I am, but I’m coming back.”
I leveled my gaze at him.I’d give him credit for trying.“No.We can’t break up.You don’t have to explain why we’re ending.”I cringed at how stupid that sounded.We hadn’t started, so there wasn’t really anything to end.“I mean, why you don’t call me anymore.”
Julian picked up his belt and began looping it through the loops.I watched the way his shirt pulled across his chest.I really would miss fucking him.He was so perfect, and I liked being with him.I liked that we could do this.Have these mundane moments.
Julian walked over to me and placed his hands on my hips.“Have we met?I’m Julian Silver, a professional hockey player who has eighty-two games in the regular season.That averages out to two to three games a week.Some of them are in a different country.”He ducked to meet my gaze.“That means there are weeks I barely see my own bed.”
“Are you mansplaining hockey to me?”I could see a glint in his eyes.Why couldn’t there be something wrong with him?Like he smelled funny or was mean.Something that would make me tell him no more.
“No, I’m explaining this is not the end of us.I will call and text every day if you want.”
“That won’t be necessary.We’re not dating.”I rolled my eyes and stepped away.That word stuck in my throat.I shouldn’t have used it.That word alluded that we had a future.
“Cass.It’s getting late,” Jackson said through the closed door.
“I’ll call you.”Julian pressed a kiss to my forehead and grabbed his jacket.
I followed him out of the bedroom.He and Jackson were talking as Margo walked in.
“Oh shit.Sorry.I thought…” She looked at me, then at Julian.Then to Jackson.“I didn’t know you had a client.I can come back.”
