Page 54 of How We End
“What?Fuck?”My mother turned to the nurse.“Fuck you.Go fuck yourself if you don’t want to hear it.”
I wanted to laugh, not at her, but at what her younger self would have thought about that word.To remind her how she hated when Dad said that.“Mom, it’s me.”
“Mom?I’m not your fucking mother.”Vail Halliday glared at me.“I wouldn’t give you a fucking name like Wyatt.That’s a man’s name.Are you a man?Don’t tell me you’re one of those weirdos that dresses up like women.I don’t like men that dress up as women.”
“Okay, Vail.That’s enough.”The nurse’s voice was harsher.“This nice lady came to visit, and all you’ve done is cuss at her.”
“Yeah, well, she’s got a dumb fucking name.Wyatt.What are you, a cowboy?I knew a cowboy once.He was fucking stupid too.”My mother mumbled something else.“Where is my fucking lunch?I sent that boy to go get it.Christ.This is the worse fucking hotel I’ve ever been to.Girl.”Her eyes swept over me with disgust.“Why are you dressed like a hooker?”
“That hasn’t changed.”I looked at Leah, who shifted uncomfortably.Anytime my sister and I wore anything where our knees or cleavage showed, my mother said we looked like hookers.And I was dressed like a hooker, but not because of the clothing I wore.But because I was one.“Is she always like this?”I realized I was frowning at my mother like she shit on my shoe.
“This is mild.She gave the CNA a black eye yesterday.”
“Oh god.”I rubbed my face.My phone pinged with my sister’s text notification.
“You’re fucking telling me.”My mother scoffed.“Where is my lunch?I bet that bitch that lives in my bathroom stole it.I told them.”My mother pointed a finger at me.“You have to be careful, or she’ll give you drugs.”
“No one lives in her bathroom,” Leah said, like I would believe that a drug dealer was living in my mother’s bathroom.
“Vail,” I called, hoping to see some sort of recognition in her eyes.But they were empty.All the years of my childhood, of skinned knees and missed birthdays, had faded away.The mother I had spent so many years trying to live up to, by being the perfect pretty girl, was gone.I wanted to tell her she had been right.That my beauty had gotten me right where I deserved to be.I was in the limelight.Men did love me.But she had lied too.The world hadn’t been kind to me because I was pretty.It had treated me like a stupid girl dressed like a whore with a dumb name.Because that’s what I was.
“What?”she snapped.
All the words I wanted to say to her died on the tip of my tongue.They wouldn’t change anything because she wouldn’t remember them in five minutes.“Nothing.”
“I really should take her to lunch.”The nurse nodded, patting my mother on her shoulder.
“Right.It was nice seeing you, Vail.Enjoy your lunch.”I, too, had spoken louder and slower.
“Who are you, and why are you looking at me like that?”
“Let’s go, Vail.”The nurse handed my mother a cane.
“Fuck you.I don’t need that.”My mother stood.Her disease hadn’t ravaged her joints yet.She shuffled out of the room, the nurse at her elbow, a trail of profanities bouncing off the walls.
“She’s pleasant,” I said to Leah.
“That’s why we must move her.She needs round-the-clock care and needs to be in a facility that is more secure.Last week staff caught her trying to leave with the UPS driver.She offered him sex for a ride to LA.”
At least I knew I came by it honestly.“And we can’t do that unless the county gets involved.”
"No, we can move her without county intervention, but that costs a lot of money.And those beds are scarce.”Leah clasped her hands.“You should talk to Morgan about this.”She motioned for us to leave.
I followed her out, happy to be on the side of the living.Crystal was humming to some Christmas music and hanging red-and-gold balls on a small tree behind her.
“Ms.Halliday, I understand this is a lot to take in.But please know that your mother needs more care than we can give her here.Your mother’s issues are beyond the training of our staff.The other location will be able to make her comfortable and offer palliative care.”
“Palliative?”I moved away from Leah.“She’s dying?”
“Yes.Ms.Halliday, she is.She won’t eat.She is constantly dealing with bladder and kidney infections, which leads to dehydration.Her quality of life is not good.And it’s worse here.”
“So why hasn’t she been moved yet?”
Leah again clasped her hands.She wasn’t telling me something.
“What are you not telling me?”
“In order for the county to step in, your family has to ignore her needs.They have to go against the doctor’s orders.”
