Page 78 of How We End
December 21
Julian walked into the bedroom half dressed for his game, a toothbrush in his mouth.The man had an oral fixation.Not that I was complaining, but he was hard on toothbrushes and straws.And by the looks of it, his mouth guards.
“We out of toothpaste?”
“What?”He looked at me.
I nodded to the toothbrush.
He looked at it as if he wasn’t sure where it had come from.“No.”
“Are you sure you’re okay to play?”I watched him slip on his suit coat.Physical therapy had helped, but he still wasn’t a hundred percent.But that didn’t matter.He had a job to do and everyone around him—his coach, the owners, the two idiots on a podcast—all thought he should be doing it.So he popped some Advil and got dressed.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, handing me his tie.
“Is this the one from Halloween?”
“Yes, I wear it every game.It’s good luck.”
It had been a week since the game with LA and since I had confessed most of my sins to Julian.He never mentioned them.We just moved forward.Him by trying to sell his house and me by dodging Maverick and the rest of my responsibilities.“You don’t need luck when you’re born with talent.”
“I need all the luck I can get.”He grabbed his phone, checking it.“You got plans for Christmas?”
“No.I’ll probably hang out here.”My sister hadn’t mentioned it, and I wouldn’t go even if she asked me.It wouldn’t be the first holiday I spent alone.“What about you?”
Julian quickly typed something out before tucking his phone into his jacket.“A few of us rent a house in Reno over Christmas.It’s Anders, Walker, Tremblay, and King.It’s a way for us to get out of the city for a couple of days.It’s pretty laid-back.We do a stupid White Elephant gift exchange.It’s normally shit we’ve stolen out of each other’s lockers.Which reminds me, I need to steal some shit.”
“You can have your mouth guard back.”I nodded over to my dresser.It was there with a couple other used ones, stick tape, one of Julian’s watches, smelling salts, a cuff link, and whatever else he left.
“Wait, you still have that?”He looked over at the dresser.
“Along with three others, some smelling salts, and about two dollars in change.Not sure who has change anymore.”
“Shit, sorry.I’ll clean that up.”He frowned at the small pile.
“It’s fine.I mean, if this goes to shit, I can make a killing on eBay selling your used mouth guard, and that Rolex has to be worth a few grand.”And it felt like he was really part of my life.The little pieces of him reminded me he would always come back
“This isn’t going to all go to shit.Now about Christmas…”
“When do you leave for Reno?”I was disappointed I wouldn’t see him.But this relationship was new, and we weren’t at the spending-holidays-with-friends stage yet.We were barely at being-seen-in-public stage.
“I want you to come with.I mean, if you want to come with.Do you want to come with?”
I could see the doubt in the way he carried himself.Hear it in the softness of his voice.Which was a strange contradiction to the Julian he showed the world.Almost like he didn’t know who he really was when he wasn’t on the ice.
“You want me to come with?To your guys’ holiday.”I wasn’t sure where he was taking this.
“No, there will be girls there.Girls that belong to the guys.Teigen will be there.Walker’s girlfriend and Tremblay’s.If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to.It’s not a big deal.I’ve done it every year for the past three.”
I heard the word “we.”“You wouldn’t go without me?”
“Why would I?I see those guys enough.I’m fine to stay here.”He grabbed the watch from the dresser, holding it to his ear.Then set it back down.“It’s not a big deal.I only get a couple days off, so it will be a quick trip.”
This was part of being with someone.You did things like this.“Okay.I’ll go.”How hard could meeting his friends be?It couldn’t be any harder than meeting random men in a room to have sex.
“Good.”He walked over and pressed a kiss to my mouth.“I’ll be home around midnight.”
Home.I was home.I liked that word better than love.Home felt more permanent.“Julian.”I grabbed his arm.“You don’t have to leave it all on the ice.”
