Page 92 of How We End
JULIAN
January 21
“Fuck.”I closed my eyes through the pain.
“Breathe through it,” the trainer said, forcing my hip to rotate.“I’m going to recommend you take a couple of days off.How’re your shoulder and ribs?”
“Shoulder is fine.”That was a lie.“And yes, I have ribs.”And they hurt.“I’m fine.Go again.”This time, I swallowed the dull ache that radiated into the marrow of my bones.I held my breath as he rotated my hip again and brought my knee up to my chest.
“Julian.”The trainer shook his head, letting go of my leg.“I’m worried.There is swelling in your knee, and I can tell your hip is bothering you.You need to get them imaged so we can see what’s going on.”
I could add a bad hip to my long list of things that I should get looked at.If I started complaining about my hip, I could start planning my own retirement party.“I said I was fine.It’s just a little tight.”I sat up, waiting for the world to stop spinning.
“Are you dizzy?”The trainer eyed me.
“No.”I didn’t need the concussion discussion.“I’m dehydrated and tired of everyone thinking there is something wrong with me.”Murry thought he should scratch me for a couple games to give me time to rest.He said I looked tired.Whatever that fucking meant.
“If he’s tired, it’s because of his extracurricular activities.”Anders walked in and threw his towel at me.“You okay, old man?
“You should talk, Anders.”The trainer glared at him.“You took a couple of good hits tonight.We’ll see how you feel in the morning.And if you don’t keep working that ankle, you’ll be sitting next to him on the IRL.Jules, I’ll clear you for Friday, but I think you need to take a few games off.You’re not twenty anymore.And after sixteen years of doing this, your body is breaking down.”
“Thanks for the pep talk.”I rotated my shoulder, biting through the pain to prove I was okay.And I would be after some ice and sleep.
“If you want a pep talk, go see a therapist.And Anders, do your stretches.Or you’ll both need a walker by the time you’re forty.”
Anders waited for the trainer to leave.“Jules, maybe he’s right.Take a couple of games.No one is going to think any less of you.”
“I said I’m fine.The All-Star break is a few weeks away.”And the week we had off would be enough time to heal.
“Yeah, except there are whispers that you’ll be invited.”
“I’m not going.I’ll take the one game suspension.”I didn’t look at him.Not only did my body need the break, but my head did.My agent had called, wanting to discuss next season and where I wanted my career to go.He also heard rumors that Emily was going to go on some podcast to tell her side of the story.He was worried.I wasn’t.There was no side to tell.
“Can you stop this ‘I’m fine’ bullshit?I know you’re not.Your head wasn’t in the game.There is no way you’d let someone as slow as Berg tangle with you in the corner.You really should take some?—”
“I said I’m fine,” I cut him off, slipping from the table.I bent my knee twice.It was fine, nothing new hurt, so it was fine.“I had a couple late nights, that’s all that was.”
“Maybe you should pick up a different hobby than fucking Wyatt at your age.Maybe stamp collecting or watching reruns ofCheers.”Anders shifted his weight from one hip to another.
“Are you my mother now?”
“No, because I actually give a shit about you.”Anders narrowed his gaze at me.“I knew this was going to happen.”
“You knew what was going to happen?My sex life has nothing to do with my game.”Wyatt was the only thing that wasn’t fucking with my head.She and I were fine.
“Don’t fucking lie to me, man.She’s messing with your head.”Anders stepped closer to me.“I know this is none of my business, but is Wyatt still?—”
“You’re right, it’s not your business, and it’s not her.It’s Emily and my contract and everyone thinking there is something wrong with me.”
“Then why are you yelling at me?”Anders crossed his arms over his chest.
“Because I am fucking tired of this shit.”And I was.Everywhere I turned, someone was telling me how I should be.What I should think.How I should react.I couldn’t keep it all straight.
“Then take some time.”Anders rubbed his face.“No one is going to replace you, Jules.Especially not after tonight.”
I wasn’t sure I believed that.No teams had shown any real interest.There were lots of rumors, and the Coyotes hadn’t hinted at what they would do.Which, according to my agent, was a tactic they liked to use.
“Julian, we need to talk.Now,” Coach Murry called.
